supposed to transition at school in two weeks time but I'm full of self doubt

[Tryingthenamealec]

Hi everyone

I am supposed to transition at school in two weeks time but I'm full of self doubt I'm afraid I'm wrong what if I'm not trans? a bit of background is probably 7+ months ago I started questioning my gender, nothing triggered it I was just sitting in class and this thought just crept into my head "what if your transgender" It took my months and months for the thought to settle in I couldn't get rid of it for over 4 weeks it was horrid no matter what i did it was the only thing i could think for 4 weeks 24/7 I pushed it away and it would come right back, i had had the occasional thought of "what if i was a boy" and a frequent wish of "wish I was a boy" but it seemed stupid so I pushed it away and that was that. But during my questioning phase my dysphoria greatly increased I couldn't even touch my chest without feeling physically nauseous and i hated it and i was so sad and even when i started talking to my school councillor it was still there the questioning and self doubt and I couldn't get rid of it but in the last month or two it has faded and now i rarely think about my gender or at least nowhere as much as i used to but then I got the letter from my gender therapist that i needed to transition at school and I was happy but then later that night the fear and self doubt came and then I didn't want to transition anymore but deep down i still did then eventually it faded.

but now its back, i think the trigger was that I finally got my mum to tell dad and he seemed fine but now that I'm at his house (they are divorced) he isn't bringing it up and he seems a bit like he wants to say something but he wont and im too awkward to do it but i need him to sign a letter for the school saying they support my decision to transition and i need it quick as I'm ment to transition in 2 WEEKS and im full of self doubt because i haven't been thinking about it lately and i haven't had any or iv had minimal dysphoria and im scared it means I'm wrong and I don't know what to do.

to summarise i really want to be a boy but im afraid that because im full of doubt and my dysphoria isnt as strong as it used to be im wrong and im not trans and i dont know which voice to listen to the one that says doubting is a bad sign or the one that says do it do it you know you want to.

any help or advice?

[SailorMars1994]

Son, you and I have something similar. I am going through all you are just with one exception. I want be a girl. Really badly. Yet the doubts plague me something wicked. I am due to see a gender psychologist soon so that may help me. There's always that lil demon telling me to be a ''man''... '' you can do it, you lived as a masculine hick looking male... go back, it's who you ever where '' when my heart and my dream cries to be a full time girl again and live a feminine life as it makes me happy and that's where I wanna be   sorry I'm probably not helping much, but I suggest maybe live male part time at like home and around very very close friends to see how you feel and if you can kill your self doubts you can progress to full time and also perhaps seek a psychologist who specializes in trans stuff .   Take care my boy!

[Sophia Sage]

Don't worry about being trans or not.  Timelines can always be adjusted.  You can start transition and see how it feels, and if it's not right you can go back, and if it is right you can plow forward.  This is all about you and you alone, and any decision you make will be the right one as long as you are true to yourself.

Here are some questions to help clarify your thoughts:

How do you feel about being a boy? 
How do you feel about being a girl?

Which fills you with joy?  Does one of these questions point to the truth?

[Dena]

Three things might be reducing your urge to transition. If you are making progress in your transition or if you fear the transition you might lose the urger to transition. As you are young, the urge is not as strong as it will become when you are older. If you are unable to determine the reason you feel this way, you should see if you can discuss this with your therapist even if you need to do this over the phone.

One thing you haven't discussed is how much you have been presenting in public. If you haven't been, you should spend as much time doing so now to get a feel for what it will be like in school. If you feel you are not ready, then a delay would be a good opportunity to explore your feelings.

Looking at it from the other side, I was unable to start my transition until I reached 28 years of age and I would have given much to have had the opportunity that you have now. I had to live with my feeling for 15 years before I could start to become my self and I had to face years of depression as the result.

[Tamika Olivia]

Doubts are natural. I'm a year and change into HRT, out to everyone, starting RLE, like, today and I will still occasionally be like "Whoa, what if I'm not trans." All evidence suggests I'm as trans as a very trans person, but the conditioning to accept as etched in stone the sex I was assigned is incredibly strong. If you're told all your life that you are an X, and you are moving to Y, it is only natural to worry that you are X.

Typically cis people don't worry about this sort of thing, so consider that. But as others have said, transition is a buffet, take what you need and eat at your own pace. If you wanna try living as a boy for a while, do so, and if you like doing it, keep doing it. If you don't, then stop doing it. You may have some arbitrary deadline to present for the school administrator's sake, but that isn't the day you settle your gender quest for all time.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

[PrincessCrystal]

Woah woah woah, back up.  Why does it need to be in 2 weeks?  Why not next semester?  There is no need for you to give yourself deadlines on this.  If you're having doubts and aren't comfortable with coming our, that's a sign you should wait a bit.  How many people have you come out to anyway?  Are you dressing as male?  Are you using male pronouns?  Are you learning to pass?  How old are you anyway?

Chill out.  Figure out what you want.

[Emileeeee]

Self doubt is normal. It's a tough road to travel down and having never been on it, you're not sure what's in store yet. Even being on it, I wonder if it's worth it sometimes because I start to miss the people that aren't in my life anymore. The thing is, you can't base who you are on how other people feel about it. I've been told by numerous people that cis people simply do not ever question their gender. If you're questioning it, you're trans. It's for you to decide if it's strong enough to warrant a transition though.

I also experienced self doubt after I told a new person, each time. The weight off my shoulders felt amazing and most of the time they were accepting, but I spent about a week after each one wondering if I'm wrong.

I'm assuming you're younger, so you probably haven't had a whole lot of time to analyze your patterns as it relates to this,. I imagine it's a tough step to take. It was tough for me and I had decades of being positive I am trans and being positive I'm not trans for me to figure out that it's not going to go away if I don't give it a shot. Best decision I ever made.

[SailorMars1994]

PrincessCrystal may I ask, are you full time yourself? Jw

[PrincessCrystal]

PrincessCrystal may I ask, are you full time yourself? Jw

No, and that's not even a plan right now.  I've been around the block a few times with similar issues, but I only really started working on actually transitioning when my timer says I did.