How to handle mixed signaling from body shape?

[kellb]

Well, after several months of mtf HRT, I'm beginning to develop some boob growth.  Since I'm non-binary transitioning male->intersex, it's going to be increasingly awkward to keep presenting as a guy (my preference), whilst sending growing mixed signals (pardon the pun).  It's been fascinating to watch, but now the growth is getting to the point where I can't reasonably hide it without binding or whatever.  Assuming I can keep it underwraps for now, I'm ok with the growth itself even though it's not really part of my body identity, but long-term I'll have to figure out a better solution - I come from a family of busty women.

How do people handle sending obvious mixed gender signals?

[Deborah]

I just don't worry about it.  It does not cause any problems for me.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

[ItsMarissa]

This is something I too am experiencing - like you by choice, I'm transitioning but am the epitome of non-binary. My body is starting to look feminine. Especially "up top" and around my ass. I'm ecstatically happy but as not presenting female most of the time it is something I'm having to think about more and more.


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[Deborah]

This is how I look most of the time when I go out.  I don't really have a specific gender presentation here as my voice still needs work.  I'm not sure what people are seeing most of the time but I haven't noticed any second looks and nobody has been mean.  I do get called ma'am more often than sir though. 

At work I'm presenting male but other than a different shirt and khaki pants I look the same.  I have no problems there either.

So, my experience is that as long as you are acting at ease and not weirdly self conscious nobody gives it a second thought.



It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

[kellb]

Hey, that's really useful to hear!  Thanks everyone!

I think knowing it can turn out ok is half the battle here.

[Sandboxed]

I like having an androgynous presentation.  I love it when people are confused about my 'gender' lol it makes me really happy idk why

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[Ayla]

I think that mixed signals are part of the non binary or andro experience.  HRT does change how you think and feel and depending upon a number of factors (dose, genetics, age etc) it will impact body shape etc.  Even when on low dose my body reacted and changed.  While physical change was not as important to me as addressing my dysphoria, it happens.  You can't pick and choose.

However you do have a number of tools available to you to either amplify or to tone down the physical changes. Personally I am enjoying any change which takes me away from the alpha male physique and presentation that I was burdened with for so many years.  Yes I have had FFS, I have permanently removed all facial and body hair, I have grown my hair to shoulder length and my brows and nails are manicured and even with this I am usually gendered as male or perhaps andro male, if I am in a work situation (due no doubt to the 'male' uniform, physical size and voice).  If my jacket stays on or if I have a loose shirt then my breast development is a non issue. 

Now once I tell folk that I am trans, non binary they usually gender me correctly and better perceive who I am.  However I suspect that ordinary folk really don't pay a lot of attention.  If I wish to 'play' with gender then I subtly change my presentation - skin toner, mascara, a natural lip color, tie my hair differently etc.  This helps me be perceived as andro or andro feminine, if I marry this with more andro clothing.

Really the only time I am self conscious is if I am swimming/on the beach; I wear a tight t-shirt; I am hiking (the chest straps make my boobage quite obvious); and/or am with folk that do not know me as non binary.

As Sandboxed says, gender confusion is not a bad thing.  I find it validating.

Safe travels

Aisla

[kellb]

Hi all,

    Just to check back in again - I've meditated a lot on what was said in the thread, and it's really helped me a lot.  Deborah, your picture and story really gave me strength and it's done a lot for my self-esteem!  Aisla, your story helped me drum up some confidence about my presentation too.  Thank you all so much!

    I'm still getting a handle on the mixed-signals, but I think I'm improving.  I'm wearing a binder most days at work or around my extended family.  I went walking for the first time in shorts after shaving my legs and nearly had a freakout at the anxiety, but I held it together.  Increasingly, I think I'm moving towards a female body, but presenting male... so the mixed signals will get stronger yet.  Hopefully I'll get a handle on it and with time and experience I won't have as much anxiety.

[Cailan Jerika]

I'm trying to figure out how to do this also. I was afab but my presentation has always been mixed. I don't know how to do makeup, despite my attempts at being girly-girl as a teen and occasionally formal events later, and I don't know how to present as a guy either. I'm planning on starting T in May or June, after recovery from top surgery (modified, not getting rid of all of it, just enough so I can bind properly when I want to) and plan to continue to present as female in everyday life. It's going to be a challenge. My already mixed-signals will get even more crossed.

I have lost 39 pounds since I was last really out and about in town, and by the time I do begin T I should have lost another 40 or 50 (with another 40 to go). It's possible no one will really recognize me as the person I was. Maybe. My home is in a small rural city that is oddly mixed really liberal and accepting, and conservative closed-minded, so I have no idea what will end up happening socially.

[MxEnby]

I personally love sending mixed-gender signals. Even when I'm at my most masculine as I have been wont to be recently, I still like to give cues such as through jewellery and accessories.

[Ubiq]

There's definitely something empowering about sending gender-mixed signals, and openly so! As long as you own it and are comfortable in your own space, you're much less likely to attract negative experience than positive, IMO.

[JoanneB]

My girls are a nice full A to a B. For the most part they don't show at all. I also for the most part when dressed in male mode tend to be pretty baggy stuff between always hating my body and being a former fatty. Sometimes during the warmer months when I'm just in a tee shirt my wife might say I should change my top because "your tits are showing". Most days now I wear a slightly padded tee shirt bra to hide the nips, the support, and I love having them a bit bigger 

I can't say if anyone has ever noticed something odd. Certainly no odd stares. Just once in the grocery store from some old guy. Most likely from the nips being in full ice cube mode and a little juggle. The girls are about the only thing I can say I don't care what people think about. The joy of having a body I can live in outweighs everything else