thank you all

[Lily Rose]

  i have read many posts the last few days and, figured i would introduce myself before asking any questions. not really sure where or how i would fit but i think trans something. at a very early age i want a "sex change". i grew up playing with all females not by choice i just had a many cousins and none my age where male. i had friends who where male but did not really fit in. i think i suffered from "gender dysphoria". i cross-dressed from before puberty till about 14-16. i convinced myself this was perverse behavior because the time and place i am from this was just not excepted.
  something happened recently that brought back feelings and memories i have not had in a very long time, which explain a lot. i have always had a very self destructive personality (learned in A.A.). although the only person i have ever hurt is myself it is very possible everyone that knows me hates me. i have never wanted to be this person and now have no clue who i am now. as i wright this can only cry because i truly feel there are no other choices left for me. i would never end anything myself but sometimes wish i could and do apologize to those that are offended by that statement. i have been looking every where online and have found many beautiful people have done so.
  i have no one to talk to about this and it seems like the hardest thing i have ever faced. i wish i could go to a psychologist rather than a therapist but i can not afford either. i also wish i could start hrt "yesterday". i have read about people on hrt and their changes and it all excites me to think i could do this, but think what i would like the most would be the change in ego. with that said i am on the fence and probably would not want srs. i have tried to be straight and gay and neither is right. things seem to work better with women but not for long. all i have ever wanted is that true love and happily ever after. who that person is really does not matter to me.

thank you and i apologize for being so depressing c(=

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. The story you tell is not that much different that the stories told by many others on the site. The first par to treatment is accepting yourself and you have done the first part. If money is an issue, depending on where you live there may be resources you can use that charge on a sliding scale so treatment will be far less than you think. In addition, I received part of my theory in group therapy and for a month I was charged what a single visit would cost. Ask question and learn what to look for and how you can get treatment. Others on the site will be more than happy to help you. I am going to give you a couple of extra links that might be helpful. The first is our WIKI which will help you understand the term transgender better. The second is "the transition channel" which discusses transsexualism in more detail. Let me know if there is anything I can help you with.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
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[Lily Rose]

Let me know if there is anything I can help you with.

lol careful with that offer because i have a lifetime of questions and no one to ask. thank you so much for the youtube i like this lady very much. her list in "Are you transgender? Male to Female/MtF Part 2 " almost fits me to a T. i never enlisted and never joined martial arts, but when playing "house" with my female cousins. they would deem me as the dad every time because i was the only male. i remember once i insisted i wanted to be the mom. they thought that was so weird and i defended my stance on this "because so an so is taller than me, and she should be the dad".

[Dena]

lol careful with that offer because i have a lifetime of questions and no one to ask.

I had my surgery in 1982 and I have a lot of time on my hands. I joined the site a year and a half ago and in that time I have accumulated 210 days working on the site. I am pretty sure I can spare a few days for you and when I am not here, the other members are just as capable as I am.

[Lily Rose]

  i am trying to figure out where to post a question and not sure of which section of the forums i would general "belong". i think maybe (Non-Transitioning and Detransitioning) because though i really would love to start hrt immediately. this just is not possible at the moment, and for many reasons might not ever be possible. however next to this link it says (Child Boards) and this does not describe me at all. i am really not into labels but i have offended people most of my life and this is one thing i want most to change in my life now.

[Dena]

Child boards mean a part of the main board. The only age related section we have is Youth talk. The moderators have the ability to split a thread if it goes off topic and we often move threads if the are in the wrong place. We move threads in order to appeal to more readers so the owner is more likely to receive a reply to their thread. If you have no intention to transition, Non-Transitioning is a good place to put it. If you envision a transition in the future, transgender talk is a common choice.

[V M]

Hi friend 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

I think nearly all of us have felt scared and alone at various times, I know I have

Hugs

V M

[Emileeeee]

There are lots of videos on youtube from people talking about all this trans stuff. I used some of them to help me decide if I was trans enough to transition.

Some therapists also have sliding scales for how much they charge, so they may charge much less than others. I really think that's a necessary step if you can manage it. It sounds like you have a lot of different unrelated things all being sorted in your mind at the same time. I've been there. Trying to figure it all out at the same time will just make it more confusing. A therapist can help isolate them and tackle them one at a time.

People on the forums can help a little with that, but a therapist would be more efficient. Anyway, it's a community full of people from not sure to transitioned last millennium and everybody's friendly. Most of the time, somebody will have experience with whatever the question is. Ask away.

[Lily Rose]

thank you so much

I think nearly all of us have felt scared and alone at various times, I know I have

i probably have a story or two that would curl your hair.

It sounds like you have a lot of different unrelated things all being sorted in your mind at the same time. I've been there. Trying to figure it all out at the same time will just make it more confusing. A therapist can help isolate them and tackle them one at a time.

you hit the nail on the head! except i think it all boils down to the same thing.

thank you both so much