Asking for help again

[EmilyRyan]

Why don't you just apply for a bunch of jobs and tell the manager that you have a disability but you believe you can do the job with minor accommodations? The law is supposed to protect you whether you have an official diagnosis or not.

Everything I look into about this tells me I need an official diagnosis if I want to get any needed accommodations. But if I ever get the chance I'll try though maybe I can get lucky and the company pays to have me screened/diagnosed??

  really do not have any experience with getting a diagnoses from any type of therapist and or psychiatrist. however when i went to a employment agency (many years ago) they did help me in ever way they could to get employment and back into school. they paid for all my gas till i was employed. they paid for my g.e.d. they got my unemployment started. also paid for a two years degree and think if i had explained a situation like yours to them. they would have done anything they could to help get such a diagnoses. may not pay for it but at least find some place that would or cheapest way. then again they might very well pay for it.

In this day in age and especially here in Tennessee I wouldn't count on it  

[Katy]

It seems to me that a lot of individuals have tried repeatedly to be of help to you, but seemingly every suggestion has been met with a variety of objections, with a steady slew of "Yea buts..."  It could be that at this moment in time you are simply not open to any suggestion, to any advice that takes you out of your comfort zone.  It could be that your situation simply isn't sufficiently desparate to allow you to be open to help.  Asking for help (the subject line) isn't the same thing as being open to being helped.  Somehow you need to open a door so that assistance can actually get in.  I wish you well.

[FTMax]

Why don't you just apply for a bunch of jobs and tell the manager that you have a disability but you believe you can do the job with minor accommodations? The law is supposed to protect you whether you have an official diagnosis or not.

Everything I look into about this tells me I need an official diagnosis if I want to get any needed accommodations. But if I ever get the chance I'll try though maybe I can get lucky and the company pays to have me screened/diagnosed??

Officially, maybe yes. But most good managers did not get to be that way by lacking compassion. Why not take the chance, apply, get interviewed, and let them make a decision about you? You're the one telling you no currently. At least make a move and give someone else the chance. Instead of looking at traditional big box retailers or established brands like Walmart or Goodwill, why not look into local small businesses? The volume will be slower, the culture will be different, and they typically see their employees as people instead of numbers.

Like I said earlier, you can't continue to do the same things and expect anything to change for you. You have got to exit your comfort zone in order to move forward with anything - whether that is finding a job, getting a diagnosis, starting a new educational program, etc.

[Lily Rose]

In this day in age and especially here in Tennessee I wouldn't count on it

  you mean this day and age of transgender awareness like i have never seen before.

[CarlyMcx]

I did look at all of them they're either out of my price range or only diagnose young children and like all of those employment agencies are either in Nashville or somewhere else far from where I live and I don't have the transportation to go to them.

So there isn't any bus station in your town?  The Music City Star does not have a rail line to your town yet?

[EmilyRyan]

So there isn't any bus station in your town?  The Music City Star does not have a rail line to your town yet?

Nope and where I live exactly is in the sticks.

[CarlyMcx]

Nope and where I live exactly is in the sticks.

So when you worked at Walmart and at Goodwill, how did you get to work and home again?

[EmilyRyan]

So when you worked at Walmart and at Goodwill, how did you get to work and home again?

When I worked at Goodwill my mom was giving me a ride to and from. When I worked at Walmart I car pooled with my brother.

[EmilyRyan]

Officially, maybe yes. But most good managers did not get to be that way by lacking compassion. Why not take the chance, apply, get interviewed, and let them make a decision about you? You're the one telling you no currently. At least make a move and give someone else the chance. Instead of looking at traditional big box retailers or established brands like Walmart or Goodwill, why not look into local small businesses? The volume will be slower, the culture will be different, and they typically see their employees as people instead of numbers.

Like I said earlier, you can't continue to do the same things and expect anything to change for you. You have got to exit your comfort zone in order to move forward with anything - whether that is finding a job, getting a diagnosis, starting a new educational program, etc.

I still need to move out first before I can do any of these things.

[josie76]

Emily it sounds like you feel overwhelmed by the steps you need to take to feel better in your life. maybe you can write down a list of what you feel you need to do. Everyone here has been trying to give you good advice. Take the list and try to put them in order of what needs to happen first. Then you only need to make a plan to get that one step to happen. This way you can try to take a step back from the feelings of being overwhelmed and just have one point of focus.

If getting a diagnosis for autism is the first step then look for resources. You can always make phone calls. Try the state social services. Most of the time these people will try to help you. You may need to get a ride to a state sponsored hospital for a psych doctor appointment. The state has resources to help people who cannot afford normal private treatment.

Just try dear, just make that effort to help yourself.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Everything I look into about this tells me I need an official diagnosis if I want to get any needed accommodations. But if I ever get the chance I'll try though maybe I can get lucky and the company pays to have me screened/diagnosed??
In this day in age and especially here in Tennessee I wouldn't count on it

What I mean is that the Americans with Disabilities Act and the addendum that was recently added to it in 2008 or whatever protects you on the job whether you have that $3000 diagnosis or not. The manager is not a doctor. The manager is not going to try to be a doctor. Get hired, meet your on the job manager. Let the manager know you have a disability but you can still do the job as long as X. As long as the accommodation is reasonable under the law it's illegal for them to fire you for this.

What you need a diagnosis for is job placement THROUGH disability services. Not to get and keep a job you find yourself!!!

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I recently applied for a bunch of jobs and they actually asked me along with asking for race/sex, do I have a disability. Autism was one of the possibilities. I answered "I choose not to answer" b/c I do have a disability but I'm not seeking accommodation for it, however, you could answer "yes". It's illegal for them to refuse to hire you because you marked "yes" on that form.

PS: I never got an official diagnosis either. Neither did many, many people. You need an official diagnosis to receive services from the government, NOT to benefit from ADA as a working person. ADA is very user-friendly that way!

[FTMax]

Officially, maybe yes. But most good managers did not get to be that way by lacking compassion. Why not take the chance, apply, get interviewed, and let them make a decision about you? You're the one telling you no currently. At least make a move and give someone else the chance. Instead of looking at traditional big box retailers or established brands like Walmart or Goodwill, why not look into local small businesses? The volume will be slower, the culture will be different, and they typically see their employees as people instead of numbers.

Like I said earlier, you can't continue to do the same things and expect anything to change for you. You have got to exit your comfort zone in order to move forward with anything - whether that is finding a job, getting a diagnosis, starting a new educational program, etc.

I still need to move out first before I can do any of these things.

You have no savings. You have no job. You have no friends or relatives who have offered or you have not asked them to house you. You do not have access to any government housing programs. You have not found any charities in your area that provide housing. You have not found or you have not looked for employment that provides housing.

Housing is one of the most sought after commodities in the US almost anywhere you go. Unless you change one of those sentences above into the affirmative, you will not be able to move out first and will need to come up with another plan.

I'm 27. I moved out when I was 17 and have not lived at home ever since. I was only able to do that because I had substantial savings from working two jobs, got accepted to a college that encouraged and gave stipends to people who chose to live on campus, and once I was there, found a job that included free housing as a perk. I had no financial help aside from student loans.

I say this not to brag, but because in your current situation, the only potential way I could see you being able to move out first is if you went back to school, chose to live on campus, and took on some student loan debt to do so. Even if you were to just do it for a semester or a year - however long it takes for you to get a diagnosis and establish yourself in a new place, it might be worth it. If that's not a possibility or not something you're willing to do, then the order of your plan has got to change. No way around it.

[bluepaint]

wow, Its taken me half an hour to read through this thread and the things that seem to stand out is that maybe just maybe your liking this attention or your fairly secure and comfortable in your situation as far as living arrangements regardless of the emotional abuse? Maybe you should be looking at why you would want to still be living with your parent at your age and why most of the viable solutions suggested here seem impossible to you?  Most adults need to fulfill their needs, your own place , the control of your life! 
Your very good at giving a multitude of reasons why you cant get where you want to be, you sound bright so I cant see why you cant help yourself out of the situation you feel trapped in, unless there are some issues your not addressing within yourself that are stopping you from wanting to make the necessary changes you need make to move on in your life! I wish you the best! I hope you find the answers your looking for! [emoji177]


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[EmilyRyan]

wow, Its taken me half an hour to read through this thread and the things that seem to stand out is that maybe just maybe your liking this attention or your fairly secure and comfortable in your situation as far as living arrangements regardless of the emotional abuse? Maybe you should be looking at why you would want to still be living with your parent at your age and why most of the viable solutions suggested here seem impossible to you?  Most adults need to fulfill their needs, your own place , the control of your life! 
Your very good at giving a multitude of reasons why you cant get where you want to be, you sound bright so I cant see why you cant help yourself out of the situation you feel trapped in, unless there are some issues your not addressing within yourself that are stopping you from wanting to make the necessary changes you need make to move on in your life! I wish you the best! I hope you find the answers your looking for! [emoji177]

Sorry I feel the first sentence in your comment was not only unnecessary but kind of hurtful. I guess I'll be ridiculed for being sensitive but whatever I'm always ridiculed for just about everything.

So why am I still living with my parents at you ask?? Umm because I have no where else to go and the suggestions given I can't do till I can move out first I said this soo many times but no one listens.       

[Sno]

So why am I still living with my parents at you ask?? Umm because I have no where else to go and the suggestions given I can't do till I can move out first I said this soo many times but no one listens.       

Hi Emily,

We are listening and trying as best we can to support with ideas and suggestions, please don't think we are not.

A part of Autism is fixation on a path or idea, and deviation from that path is hard to understand or comprehend. What has been suggested is that the path you have in mind may not work for you in the short, medium or long term because the same constraints will always apply, and in your instance there will always be a degree of confrontation with you parents that is unavoidable.

You can however choose when, and how that confrontation occurs. It will not be fun, but your opinions and desires for self care will not be respected without it - you need todo this, to empower you!

Without a change in path, it will be very difficult indeed to make progress, but how you proceed and at what pace is your choice - we will cheer you along from the sidelines From a quick Google, I have found a number of US based autism and ASD charities - contact as many as you can find, see what resources are available. Talk to their help lines.

*hugs*

Rowan

[Mariah]

Emily, we are trying to help you, but do understand there is only so much we can do. We can't change your living situation and we don't have the ability to give you a method that will instantly fix everything for you although I wish we did. Thing is Emily in the end only you can make the things that you need changed occur. We can't do that for you. Granted it won't be easy, but they are well worth it. I'm sorry that your stuck in the situation you are right now. Thing is if everyone out their always answered that won't work to everything no one would ever get anything done. There are times when we need to try things that we feel won't work even those things that we have done before because the outcome isn't always the same every time around. We are willing to help you, but you also need to be willing to help yourself because without that no matter what we suggest nothing would work because you need to be an active participant in this process in order to create positive change. My brother keeps trying this same idea and wonders why his attempts are failing. The problem is he is closing some doors before they even could open for him all because he feels they won't work. My brother is also autistic too. Hugs
Mariah

Sorry I feel the first sentence in your comment was not only unnecessary but kind of hurtful. I guess I'll be ridiculed for being sensitive but whatever I'm always ridiculed for just about everything.

So why am I still living with my parents at you ask?? Umm because I have no where else to go and the suggestions given I can't do till I can move out first I said this soo many times but no one listens.       

[bluepaint]

Sorry I feel the first sentence in your comment was not only unnecessary but kind of hurtful. I guess I'll be ridiculed for being sensitive but whatever I'm always ridiculed for just about everything.

So why am I still living with my parents at you ask?? Umm because I have no where else to go and the suggestions given I can't do till I can move out first I said this soo many times but no one listens.       

EmilyRyan , look im not trying to be hurtful, I was simply suggesting that sometimes we get stuck and changes might seems scarier than the place where we find ourselves in , ie abusive relationships. I mentioned that you seem very bright bc you can stand up for yourself and debate your views very concisely and I was wondering why you are not applying your intelligence to work out some of these problems out instead of just going in circles! I do believe when one really wants to, then these changes start to fall in place! You sound discouraged and as long as you stay in a defeatist frame of mind , any solution as good as it may be, might not register as viable to you unless you change the way your looking at them! I understand that your autism poses certain cognitive challenges to you but your life is your own and you can make it what you want if you really want to! I do wish you all what best and good, I hope that you will find the courage you require to do this for yourself bc you, me, all of us deserve a life full of joy and security and comfort!  blessings! [emoji177]Julie


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[EmilyRyan]

EmilyRyan , look im not trying to be hurtful, I was simply suggesting that sometimes we get stuck and changes might seems scarier than the place where we find ourselves in , ie abusive relationships. I mentioned that you seem very bright bc you can stand up for yourself and debate your views very concisely and I was wondering why you are not applying your intelligence to work out some of these problems out instead of just going in circles! I do believe when one really wants to, then these changes start to fall in place! You sound discouraged and as long as you stay in a defeatist frame of mind , any solution as good as it may be, might not register as viable to you unless you change the way your looking at them! I understand that your autism poses certain cognitive challenges to you but your life is your own and you can make it what you want if you really want to! I do wish you all what best and good, I hope that you will find the courage you require to do this for yourself bc you, me, all of us deserve a life full of joy and security and comfort!  blessings! [emoji177]Julie

I apologize for the earlier statement 

I like literally have no clue how to better my situation and no clue how to make some the suggestions work. I would really appreciate the help.

[CarlyMcx]

I apologize for the earlier statement 

I like literally have no clue how to better my situation and no clue how to make some the suggestions work. I would really appreciate the help.

Let's start by reviewing all your previous posts and distilling things down to the essentials:

1.  Job:  You have tried every employer in your town without any success.  Which means if you want to make money right now, you either need to set up your own small business like mowing lawns or washing cars, or you need to set up an online business like selling your photos on Shutterstock.

2.  Transportation:  You have to have a way to get around.  And bumming rides off family and friends is not it.  If you cannot learn how to drive a car successfully then the other options are:  Motorcycle/motor scooter (if you can complete the license requirements), bicycle, public transportation (buses and trains) and walking.

3.  Let's talk about that autism diagnosis:  AFAIK, there is no autism clinic next door to you or even in your town.  You have no money to pay for a diagnosis and no way to get to a clinic that is not in your town.  Which means that the autism diagnosis is not going to happen first.  So you have to go back to #1 and #2.

First, get a trickle of income going and figure out how to get around.  Once you have a little money, then buy a ride to Nashville and go to the transgender group at the LGBT center.  The people there will have better suggestions than anybody here because they have the advantage of local knowledge.