Motivation Issues (and Gender?)

[Snidi]

Hi guys,

I have been dealing with motivational issues. Trying to be inspired with the workplace..it's been difficult for me so far.

Among other things, there is a 'possibility' that problems I've had getting motivated have been related towards genderfluid thoughts I had dealt with.

Of course, I do not know for sure. Unfortunately, there is no way to measure this. But it's a theory.

Whatever the cause of motivational issues, I've faced a lot of anger. If society were a better accommodating place, maybe I'd be more motivated. I would point the finger and blame society for my problems.

However, even if it is true, that in a more ideal society I wouldn't have to fight as much...pointing the finger will only get me so far.

Because:

A. I Cannot Change External Society (beyond my own actions), Only My Individual Self

B. My Resentment Is Not Alone. There are people out there who have gotten more of the short end of the stick by society: (Example: Poor people, people in 3rd world countries, etc.) So I can only dwell in my resentment for so long before I can simply ask what I can do about it....

So then: what can I do about it? I really don't want to change my gender (though I plan to speak with transgender/genderfluid individuals to get more of their opinion)

How can I get more motivated? Do I really have to resort to medication, even when I feel like it's more of society's fault and non an intrinsic problem with my body? Is there anything else I can do to help myself?

[Sophia Sage]

So then: what can I do about it? I really don't want to change my gender (though I plan to speak with transgender/genderfluid individuals to get more of their opinion)

How can I get more motivated? Do I really have to resort to medication, even when I feel like it's more of society's fault and non an intrinsic problem with my body? Is there anything else I can do to help myself?

First, you have to figure out what it is, exactly, that you want.  Do you want to express yourself differently than you are currently?  Do you want people to treat you differently than they currently do?  And in what ways?  All this is going to take self-examination. 

Once you can articulate what you really want, then you can figure out how to go about getting it.

[Snidi]

I have no idea what I want.   Sometimes I've felt like I want to express femininely, even to the point of having considered changing gender.

But then...I think about who I am and what I want out of life.   I've felt like I want to remain a male, and work with that.   (Though of course, I wish I can fully confirm that)

I wish I knew more of what I wanted.

In an ideal world, I'd probably have a very neutral body and be able to express myself EXACTLY as I please, without fear of being judged or bullied.   But that ideal world doesn't exist.   I can't suddenly mark an X on my gender, eliminating all societal expectations.   That world doesn't exist now.

Thus, I wonder how I can work with myself in the world that I do inhabit.

[Sophia Sage]

I have no idea what I want...

Sometimes I've felt like I want to express femininely, even to the point of having considered changing gender...

I've felt like I want to remain a male, and work with that.   (Though of course, I wish I can fully confirm that)...

In an ideal world, I'd probably have a very neutral body and be able to express myself EXACTLY as I please...

Actually, it sounds like you do have some ideas about what you want.  Of course, we can't determine for other people what they want, nor should we.

So, what do you mean by "express femininely" -- what does that look like?

What do you like about remaining male?

What would a "neutral" body look like?  Do mean neutral in terms of how you view it, how other people view it, or both?

And finally, you do have it in your power to express exactly as you please, but you'll have to be brave.  Because you can't control other peoples' reactions; they too have the power to express exactly as they please.  But it's certainly possible to find or create safe spaces in which you can express exactly as you please.  What expressions, exactly, do you want to do?

[Snidi]

Actually, it sounds like you do have some ideas about what you want.  Of course, we can't determine for other people what they want, nor should we.

So, what do you mean by "express femininely" -- what does that look like?

What do you like about remaining male?

What would a "neutral" body look like?  Do mean neutral in terms of how you view it, how other people view it, or both?

And finally, you do have it in your power to express exactly as you please, but you'll have to be brave.  Because you can't control other peoples' reactions; they too have the power to express exactly as they please.  But it's certainly possible to find or create safe spaces in which you can express exactly as you please.  What expressions, exactly, do you want to do?

I feel like we should be able to alter what other people want through education:  if we could do that, we wouldn't have to deal with prejudice/discrimination and an emotionally repressed minority.   But now, we're solely talking about an ideal world where people wouldn't experience pain/hardship/rejection....which isn't what is right now, unfortunately.

I suppose if I could do whatever I wanted, I could wear dresses to work when I felt like it.   In that world I could dress & act femininely whenever I wanted to without fears of being looked at strangely, harassed, or beaten up.

I like certain aspects of being male:   the ability to assert myself with ease, the ability to command attention with my deep voice, the ability to feel powerful.   I understand that women can be powerful and assertive too, but it does genuinely feel good as a man.

I like not worrying a huge amount about what my appearance is like when I leave the house.   I know I have to concern myself 'to a degree', but for the most part I can leave the house without thinking about it, with 5 minutes or less of maintenance.   I know that women 'technically' don't have to think about it, but still.   

I like not being catcalled, I like walking around without fear of rape.   

I suppose my body would be more neutral to me, (and perhaps to others as well.)

[Sophia Sage]

I feel like we should be able to alter what other people want through education:  if we could do that, we wouldn't have to deal with prejudice/discrimination and an emotionally repressed minority.   

How would you feel about having what you want altered through education?

This is why I say we can't really concern ourselves with what other people want.  Well, though, it depends.  What they need, perhaps.  For those of us who are on the binary, giving people what they need to gender us correctly is mutually beneficial.  But that's obviously different from what you're going after here.

I suppose if I could do whatever I wanted, I could wear dresses to work when I felt like it.   In that world I could dress & act femininely whenever I wanted to without fears of being looked at strangely, harassed, or beaten up.

Well, there's all kinds of things I'd like to do at work when I felt like it!  But unless you're running your own business, everyone generally has to conform to what their employers want.  I suppose you could ask your employer for this freedom, but it would entirely depend on your work environment as to whether this would be wisdom in it.  But there are work environments that are more open-minded than others (certain academic institutions or non-profits come immediately to mind).  If this is really important to you, you could seek out more accepting places.

And of course, there's always the option of being more free with your choices when you're not at work. Again, though, it might take some diligence on your part.  Like, finding friendly queer spaces, for example.  The kink community can be very accepting. Cosmopolitan cities are more progressive than small rural towns.  Etc. 

I'm curious -- what do you mean by "acting femininely"?  Why not start here?

I like certain aspects of being male:   the ability to assert myself with ease, the ability to command attention with my deep voice, the ability to feel powerful.   I understand that women can be powerful and assertive too, but it does genuinely feel good as a man.

I like not worrying a huge amount about what my appearance is like when I leave the house.   I know I have to concern myself 'to a degree', but for the most part I can leave the house without thinking about it, with 5 minutes or less of maintenance.   I know that women 'technically' don't have to think about it, but still.   

I like not being catcalled, I like walking around without fear of rape.

So, you like male privilege.  And you want to keep it. 

These are things that women would like to have, too, but generally don't.  Why do you suppose this isn't the case?

I suppose my body would be more neutral to me, (and perhaps to others as well.)

What does "neutral" mean?  What does it look like?  What changes to your body would that entail?