Outward Dysphoria

[November Fox]

I´ve asked this on several Facebook groups but no answer thus far.

By outward dysphoria I mean having trouble with someone else´s body because it reminds you of parts of your body (if you are pre-surgery). For example when you are dating a chick and her body parts remind you of the fact that you still have those too, and then you get dysphoric about it.

This problem is making it very difficult for me to approach women. I also identified as gay (and previously as straight when I was living in a female role). Adding to the complicated.

I would like to know if anyone can relate.

[FTMax]

I did relate to that to an extent early on, pre-surgery. I was completely uncomfortable with sex prior to that. Still fairly uncomfortable with it, but I'm also probably asexual so that may have something to do with it. Surgery did make a noticeable difference in my comfort level, but ultimately I find it difficult to get over the downstairs hurdle.

[Raell]

Hi!

I'd say that's common with most trans people.

I'm a 64-year-old bio female who is partially transmale, and demisexual/asexual. My sexual orientation is unknown, but I suppose I could go either way.

I only realized my gender identity four years ago, but all my life I didn't know why I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, couldn't stand to look at photos of myself,  and was revolted by my own sexual parts.

Since I only had relationships with males, I didn't have that problem interacting with their bodies, just was disgusted with my own.

[FTMDiaries]

For example when you are dating a chick and her body parts remind you of the fact that you still have those too, and then you get dysphoric about it.

Well, I can't relate to the 'dating a chick' part, but I think I kinda get what you mean. The female body is massively unappealing to me, whether it's on someone else or back when I used to have one. They actually make my skin crawl. What can I say, I'm a Kinsey 6.

What I tend to experience is a teeny bit of... jealousy?... insecurity? ... feelings of inadequacy?... around the guys I'm interested in. They have lovely bodies with some fun attachments, and every time I get with a new guy I have to explain what's going on in the underwear department, and that I don't have the equipment that they think I have. It makes me feel inadequate and it limits what I can do with them. I shouldn't have to feel I'm making excuses for myself every time, and I shouldn't have to feel so horrible about it.

But 'chicks'? I'll pass on that, thanks! 

[WolfNightV4X1]

Thats absolutely the reason I never considered myself lesbian back before I transitioned, it felt wrong to be with another girl as a girl. Now Im a bit less uncomfortable about it and its allowed me to express my bisexuality more now that Im in the male role

[Kylo]

Yes, but I took steps to minimize how much I allowed it to affect me. At this point it's a vague momentary half second thought. Not a consuming problem. And it is reducing as I move further through transition, which is good news.

[nameuser]

I'm really bad for this - one of my denial mechanisms was assuming that all AFAB people felt the same disgust and disconnect I did towards my body towards their own. That there was something fundamentally "wrong" about bodies running on oestrogen, and everyone felt it. In other words, I was projecting my dysphoria onto half the human race so I didn't have to admit I had a problem. Because coping skills >.>

Even now that I know better, I still get that skin-crawling tingle of wrongness every time I'm faced with a nude female. I am definitely triggered by the female form.

And its had an impact on my sexuality - I'm romantically attracted to women, but repulsed by anything feminine about their physical form, which has lead to some pretty confusing feelings in my past. I think if I hadn't been trans, I would've identified as pansexual. But at least at this point in my transition (pre-everything ;-;), demisexual gay fits best.

[Peep]

I get dysphoric looking at masculine bodies and feminine ones, but it's definitely worse with women, and it did stop me pursuing sexual relationships with them when i was still single

[November Fox]

I considered myself straight and then gay at first (when I came out), but I´m leaning towards bi now, hence the question. I don´t know if "chicks" is politically correct but I like to speak in terms of chicks and dudes, apologies for anyone who dislikes these terms 

The answer I eventually got in the other groups was that some transguys experience this but they choose to just not date girls for this reason until after they get their operations one. Meaning that they just wait around for years. I´m demi-ace as well so sex is not so important for me, but being intimate with someone i.e would be a problem anyhow.

@nameuser it´s definitely projection, yeah some of us do project our dysphoria unto half of the human population (I imagine a portion of MTFs having the same problem). Then again if you can´t stand your own body, being confronted with a similar form of it is quite difficult.

It is an interesting idea that you can control how much you want the dysphoria to run your life, that much is true, I guess I will have to find ways to manage the way my own body affects me (before taking any steps in the acceptance of bodies that look like it).