as a person who has transitioned, how is your dating life

[karenpayneoregon]

Before transitioning I was very active in relationships with cisgender females but after transitioning I decided dating was right for me, no long term relationships. I have no issues with dating, usually cisgender females ask me out, several men but I'm not into men. Last weekend I dated a trans-man for the first time, that was interesting.

[Sophia Sage]

I don't date "as transgender."

[stephaniec]

I don't date "as transgender."

I just meant as a person who has transitioned , how do you find dating.

[Amy Chislett]

Had 4 dates in 8 years which is not very impressive. I'd run a mile from anyone who wanted a date with me, they must be more disturbed & damaged than I am.

LOL. For awhile I thought you had to be suicidal to be attracted to me

[KathyLauren]

Not even if you got her a date too? lol
Moni

LOL!  She and I have some great dates together, especially for clothes shopping.

[Lilliana]

Well, currently it is non existent. 

There are couple of women I want to go out with and I know one wants to go out with me but it seems rather selfish to get involved and then spring the oh by the way, I am transitioning to live as a woman.

Although it is pretty obvious what is going on, I do not need something like that on my conscience, plus, HRT will make any sex an interesting affair.

[Sophia Sage]

I just meant as a person who has transitioned , how do you find dating.

It's been good overall, though it's had its ups and downs.  This year has been particularly good, with lots of flirting and several sexual encounters, most of them satisfying.  More unsatisfying has been the lack of any real relationship potential in my partners, not because of them so much as I've been a bit itinerant of late because of work, which makes it hard to put down roots and actually settle.  Also, I'm finding myself more and more attracted lately to primal dominant men, which certainly winnows the field.

My best relationship was with Mr Carpenter.  We were together for six years.  He had magnificent hands, was a true gentleman with me, very respectful of my independence and opinions.  We had really great sex.  I loved the control he exercised over his environment, despite his aesthetic choices.  He got along great with my dad; my mom was not terribly impressed.  Unfortunately, he was a daily pot smoker, had some regressive social opinions, and was not inclined towards intellectual or spiritual exercise... so I too grew disenchanted and finally left him.

Post-op, my experience has pretty much been like any other middle-aged single woman's.

[stephaniec]

thanks

[2cherry]

It is non-existing right now.

Other said I could have sex whenever I want, maybe so. But the sex thing doesn't satisfy me, at all. I had a couple of sexual encounters after my SRS, which were fun. But no-one approached me for a relationship. My libido is also non existing. I can get warmed up, but it takes a lot of time. So I end up pleasing the guy, while I just lay there. So I just don't bother anymore.

Dating... I am not sure. I don't know what to say. Should I tell, should I not tell? that dilemma drives me crazy, and I end up alone on the couch watching TV with a bowl of ice cream.

Right now, my strategy is like this: I don't actively seek. Instead I wait when someone will approach me, and then we go from there. If nothing happens, that is fine. Also, I don't see any benefits in having a relationship. I only miss the hugging, touching and caressing...

...but I could get a cat as well... 

[Sophia Sage]

I had a couple of sexual encounters after my SRS, which were fun. But no-one approached me for a relationship.

Most guys are actually terrible at taking the initiative, and those who aren't are more likely to be, well, undesirable in other aspects.  We need to take some initiative, and we can do that by flirting!  Which actually makes sense, because if we want to have actual relationships instead of one-night stands, we need to get to know people.  Flirting is a way to do that within this context. 

Also, it's so much easier to flirt after healing up from FFS.    It makes us cuter, and more self-confident, both very attractive traits.

My libido is also non existing. I can get warmed up, but it takes a lot of time.

I found my libido shifted over time after SRS, too.  There were several years when it pretty much disappeared.  I've recently realized that this happened because I was put on a "post-menopausal" regimen for HRT. 

That said... having SRS with Meltzer, all the electricity works great.  I "practiced" on myself very early on in my dilation regimen, and got really good at figuring out how to push all my buttons. YMMV, but it's a "discipline" I recommend if you want to increase your responsiveness. 

Dating... I am not sure. I don't know what to say. Should I tell, should I not tell? that dilemma drives me crazy, and I end up alone on the couch watching TV with a bowl of ice cream.

Most dates never go anywhere, and most relationships don't last.  Think of it this way -- you have a "hot potato" and it's generally not conducive to facilitating a relationship to pass the hot potato to someone who is by no means ready to receive it.  It might make you feel better in the short term, but that's actually kind of selfish? 

Put the hot potato in the refrigerator and let it sit for a few years, and then see how you feel.

[noleen111]

It was excellent, I'm currently engaged to be married to a wonderful man for about a year now. I cant wait to be his wife.. we wanted a long engagement... the wedding will happen next.. I have started planning my wedding dress, still cant believe I will be a bride.

[2cherry]

Most guys are actually terrible at taking the initiative, and those who aren't are more likely to be, well, undesirable in other aspects.  We need to take some initiative, and we can do that by flirting!  Which actually makes sense, because if we want to have actual relationships instead of one-night stands, we need to get to know people.  Flirting is a way to do that within this context. 

Yes, I find shy guys a huge turnoff... I don't like it when a guy doesn't want to take initiative, and just stumbles around. You could say I like bad boys, because they just take what they want. And to me that is extremely sexy. I mean, if a guy is shy to even talk to me, it tells me he will be the same in other situations. Maybe that is some instinct: I want a man who protects me, cares for me, and if possible provide for me. And chances are, the shy guy can't do that. I know, it sounds very judgmental, but that is how I feel... honestly.

I don't even care what a guy looks like, even "ugly" guys can be attractive to me but only if they are confident of themselves. If he's shy, absolutely nothing will happen.

[Sophia Sage]

Sometimes what looks like shy is simply respectful.  Now, if a guy doesn't respond to flirting by flirting back, then, yeah, you're dealing with someone who either isn't into you, or doesn't have enough confidence, and it's time to cut bait.  All that said, I definitely found more guys taking the initiative to flirt with me after FSRS -- like, about four months afterwards, when most of the healing was done. 

But, I think it helps to turn up the charm and charisma to elicit that kind of courtship. To be talkative and open in one's demeanor -- guys aren't likely to flirt with someone who seems depressed, or a wallflower, or antagonistic.  Like, hunched over with arms crossed and barely speaking two words is not very inviting. It takes two to tango, and if you're really not interested in entering a relationship in the first place, because you're uncomfortable about other things, because you're lacking your own confidence, they'll go for someone else who's more vivacious.  Confidence begets confidence.

Now, if you're really into dominant men, you might consider checking out the D/s scene, but that's a whole 'nuther story.   

[AutumnLeaves]

Never better, to my immense surprise. I met my husband after I transitioned (he knew I had not had SRS but doesn't care either way) and found that guys were simply all over me in a way they had NEVER been when I was presenting as a "man." I think I looked very feminine before I ever did anything, and that was a turn off for gay men. As a woman, however (even one who's not had the final procedure) people find me much more attractive. It probably helps that I live in a liberal area where many hetero and bisexual guys are open minded enough that they aren't necessarily bothered by the whole trans thing.

[pretty pauline]

I got married two months ago tomorrow.... My husband is taking me out on a date night Sunday  evening...so marriage is not the end of dating!!!...Life is Awesome!!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley

That's wonderful Ashley, very important to keep the spark alive, I'm married 6 years and my husband takes me on a date at least once a week, maybe Saturday night, on our wedding anniversary he always takes me out on a special date and spoils me, marriage is not the end of dating..

It was excellent, I'm currently engaged to be married to a wonderful man for about a year now. I cant wait to be his wife.. we wanted a long engagement... the wedding will happen next.. I have started planning my wedding dress, still cant believe I will be a bride.

That's great Noleen, I'd do it all again, my day went so quick, I was so nervous, being a bride you'll be the centre of attention, very surreal, the lead up and all the preparation, getting the perfect dress, pre wedding nerves and jitters, my ability in becoming a wife, but it all worked out, now married 6 years, time flys.

[2cherry]

Sometimes what looks like shy is simply respectful.  Now, if a guy doesn't respond to flirting by flirting back, then, yeah, you're dealing with someone who either isn't into you, or doesn't have enough confidence, and it's time to cut bait.  All that said, I definitely found more guys taking the initiative to flirt with me after FSRS -- like, about four months afterwards, when most of the healing was done. 

But, I think it helps to turn up the charm and charisma to elicit that kind of courtship. To be talkative and open in one's demeanor -- guys aren't likely to flirt with someone who seems depressed, or a wallflower, or antagonistic.  Like, hunched over with arms crossed and barely speaking two words is not very inviting. It takes two to tango, and if you're really not interested in entering a relationship in the first place, because you're uncomfortable about other things, because you're lacking your own confidence, they'll go for someone else who's more vivacious.  Confidence begets confidence.

Now, if you're really into dominant men, you might consider checking out the D/s scene, but that's a whole 'nuther story.   

Yes, there is more to it...

I also find, that, it is difficult to find someone who is on a similar level of experience... we as trans/people have gone through such struggle that it seems almost impossible to find someone who understands the depth of our condition, and the growth that came out of it. When I meet guys, I see grownup boys... few of them can relate/buzz on a similar level... in effect, their experience of life lags behind mine. My frequency of experience is just different... if that makes any sense? maybe that is why I enjoy the company of older men. They've been beaten by life. Although I don't feel attracted to them.

It is difficult... or maybe I am difficult... I am too much inside my head, afraid to feel this body... essentially I shut my body down, to protect it, and defend it from pain and hurt.... 

[Sophia Sage]

I also find, that, it is difficult to find someone who is on a similar level of experience... we as trans/people have gone through such struggle that it seems almost impossible to find someone who understands the depth of our condition, and the growth that came out of it. When I meet guys, I see grownup boys... few of them can relate/buzz on a similar level... in effect, their experience of life lags behind mine.

Most women feel the same way, actually.  For, as women, we've gone through such struggle that it seems almost impossible to find a man who understands the depth of our condition, and the growth that came out of it. 

My frequency of experience is just different... if that makes any sense? maybe that is why I enjoy the company of older men. They've been beaten by life. Although I don't feel attracted to them.

It is difficult... or maybe I am difficult... I am too much inside my head, afraid to feel this body... essentially I shut my body down, to protect it, and defend it from pain and hurt.... 

I struggle to feel attracted to anybody when I'm not fully engaged with my body. 

Jump-starting that engagement is a discipline, I think.  The discipline of dilation, for example -- that gets me in my body, and I almost always use it as an opportunity to get myself off.  Long bubble baths.  Exercise.  Being nice to my hair, having good food, lotioning my skin.  When I start taking care of my body, I get out of my head, and then I find I'm not having that second stream-of-consciousness nattering in the background... and then, almost as if by magic, people respond better to me.  It's a positive feedback loop.

All of this is just to facilitate our ability to let go...

[kittenpower]

I'm married to a great guy; I met my husband shortly after transitiong, and a few years later we considered our relationship to be a marriage, but we didn't make it official until recently. It was a beautiful ceremony in a small chapel, we were married with traditional vows, exchanged rings, shared a kiss, and went on our Merry way. ❤️

[Milani_Designs]

I came out almost 4 years ago and have been on hormones 16 months.  Its been 4 years since I have been on a date much less had sex.  I am a lesbian and it seems that finding a woman willing to date me is like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  Cis women aren't attracted to me.  All the lesbian women I have encountered have told me that either Im not a real woman or they would date me only if I had the operation.  The only real interest I have received has been from either poly people, which sadly I am not poly or from couples looking to add a third or a play thing.  Even other lesbian trans women have no interest in me.  I don't think I am bad looking.  I can carry a conversation and have lots of hobbies.

[tgirlamg]

I'm married to a great guy; I met my husband shortly after transitiong, and a few years later we considered our relationship to be a marriage, but we didn't make it official until recently. It was a beautiful ceremony in a small chapel, we were married with traditional vows, exchanged rings, shared a kiss, and went on our Merry way. ❤️

Hi Kitten!!! Our stories have a lot in common and I am a lifelong cat girl too!!!!

Here's to married life!!! ...Onward we go

Ashley ='.'=<{meow}