Public restroom

[Alora]

Hey ladies,

So I've had a big day today. And based on some other posts I've made today and the responses I've gotten this question came to mind as I was leaving the dog park. If my outward persona presents as male, but I've gone through the legal steps to reassign myself as female do I still use the men's room? Do I have to wait until I'm passable before I use the ladies room?

What have your experiences been?

Love you ladies 💋❤️💋

Alora

[archlord]

You use it the moment you feel you should use it with safety.  Dont put yourself at risk of agression if you are not close to be passable

[stephaniec]

If your not passable , why cause friction. I'm pretty "passabl"e when I'm all good to go , but in the Starbucks I go to in a college town with coeds all over the place I usually head for the single stall male restroom just not to cause problems.

[Maybebaby56]

Hi Alora,

If you present as male, there is no way you should be using the ladies room. Not only is some redneck not going to check your ID before beating the crap out of you, it really adds fuel to the fire when all the conservatives rant about "men in the women's restroom attacking our young daughters!". It's just not a good idea. Wait until you pass.

Just my opinion,

Terri

[Mariah]

I would go with restroom based on how your presenting provided you feel comfortable doing so. Hugs
Mariah

[Tessa James]

How big and protective is your dog?  Only kidding a bit as I agree that your safety is paramount.  And then there are people like me who may pass some of the time with some of the people.  I will never willingly use a mens room again and accept that other non binary or gender non conforming people are likely to get hassled too.  I have a friend who is cis and she gets hassled likely because she is tall with short hair.

Time for our culture to grow up and get used to diversity and inclusion.  If that means some discomfort for an out trans person like myself, I will deal with it. 

It's your call after all....

[RobynD]

I never waited. I always used the one of my identified gender unless mine was too gross, or the line was too long (hey i'm practical). To do anything else is giving into the the society norms that do not want you to be part of reality. You are real and you need to pee in the place you choose.

(Except perhaps in NC currently, where u do have some sort of legal issue - but its stupid and how is it enforced?)

[KathyLauren]

I am not terribly passable yet, but when I present as female, I am fairly femme, so there is no doubt as to which look I am going for, passable or not.  So I go to the washroom that matches my presentation.  If I am in male drag, I use the men's.  If I am dressed as myself, I use the ladies'.  I am not going into a men's washroom in a skirt, and I am not going into a ladies' washroom dressed as a man.

[stephaniec]

well, if I'm in a dress and there is no single occupancy around I'm sure not going to the men's

[TonyaW]

If your not passable , why cause friction. I'm pretty "passabl"e when I'm all good to go , but in the Starbucks I go to in a college town with coeds all over the place I usually head for the single stall male restroom just not to cause problems.

All the Starbucks near me have changed their restrooms to gender non-specific.  Since all the ones I've ever seen in a Starbucks were single user I wondered why they hadn't made that change.  Just one more reason I  spend too much money there.

[stephaniec]

yea , such a simple solution. The Cosi restaurant next door changed to neutral gender last year.

[Alora]

How big and protective is your dog?  Only kidding a bit as I agree that your safety is paramount.  And then there are people like me who may pass some of the time with some of the people.  I will never willingly use a mens room again and accept that other non binary or gender non conforming people are likely to get hassled too.  I have a friend who is cis and she gets hassled likely because she is tall with short hair.

Time for our culture to grow up and get used to diversity and inclusion.  If that means some discomfort for an out trans person like myself, I will deal with it. 

It's your call after all....

She's medium sized and the biggest lover on the planet. She has been known to get jealous when I give hugs and get super vocal.

I male personality that I have developed is a shaker of the norm. I kinda of want to shake things up once I make all the necessary legal changes, but a lot of you ladis made a very valid point. Be safe. In the current political unrest,I may just fly under the radar until I get to know the female me a little better and what she is capable of handling.

Love you ladies thanks 💋❤️💋

[Anne Blake]

I have to back the restroom that you are presenting as for a couple of reasons. Why stir up the pot for little gain. There is already a fear of us terrifying gender deviants seeking to abuse the wives and daughters......you know the drill. But the safety one is just to big to ignore. I cried heavily at last night's transgender day of remembrance and I really don't want to mourn for the brutal death of one of us that can be so easily avoided. Please save me having to shed tears for you next year. - Anne

[Alora]

I have to back the restroom that you are presenting as for a couple of reasons. Why stir up the pot for little gain. There is already a fear of us terrifying gender deviants seeking to abuse the wives and daughters......you know the drill. But the safety one is just to big to ignore. I cried heavily at last night's transgender day of remembrance and I really don't want to mourn for the brutal death of one of us that can be so easily avoided. Please save me having to shed tears for you next year. - Anne

Don't make me cry 😭😭

I'm not going to do anything that is going to put me risk I promise.

Loves 💋❤️💋

[Susan]

Hey ladies,

So I've had a big day today. And based on some other posts I've made today and the responses I've gotten this question came to mind as I was leaving the dog park. If my outward persona presents as male, but I've gone through the legal steps to reassign myself as female do I still use the men's room? Do I have to wait until I'm passable before I use the ladies room?

What have your experiences been?

Love you ladies 💋❤️💋

Alora

If you are presenting as male use the men's room, use the women's when presenting female.

[DuchessBianca]

I consider myself extremely feminine but I'm only 6 months on HRT so I don't expect to be able to pass for awhile now but I plan to use the mens room until I feel confident enough in looks/mental fortitude to use the ladies room. Amusing thing is my birth certificate, state id, SSA card and every other legal agency all list my new name and gender as Female so I feel like a law breaker still using the mens room Haha

[Susan]

No one ever said you have to pass 100% but you have to be presenting as the gender of the restroom you wish to use. I am sure I didn't pass 100% when I started using the ladies room.  But when I dressed male, I used the male restroom. When I started dressing feminine I used the ladies room exclusively. I have never had a problem, even from dads who were standing guard right at the door.

[RobynD]

Another important thing to consider - Let's not make laws or barriers where none exist. In almost no place is the restroom placard a legal boundary.

I can put a placard on my business that says people have to recite the pledge of allegiance while jogging in place if i want, and nothing requires anyone to obey it. The one in the bathroom that requires employees to wash their hands before returning to work is often a legal requirement. Big difference.

I agree use the facilities how you feel led, or how you are most comfortable, but do not let anyone restrict your rights. They will always try, but don't let them.

[j-unique]

Another possibility is to just avoid gendered public restrooms, like I do. There are some gender-neutral toilets (for instance, in trains which I use very often, and at friends homes, at some trans*-friendly places, etc.). Society just doesn't want me (who doesn't seem to be part of "them") to use "their" public toilets, so I either have to shut up and manage my toilet usage, or to degrade myself and/or risk mental and physical violence. At the moment, I go with the first solution most times. (And thanks to all people who push ahead two-gender-separated toilets.)

[mac1]

I still maintain that the best solution is for all public restrooms to be multi-user unisex with private stalls and a common sink area. Equal for everybody.