Tori,
Hun your hurt and frustration make me
You heard we always hurt the one we love. The second part of that is not always do we realize it when we are. We are blinded by denial hoping that it may go away and we might not have to face things. Another is that we simply don't understand. this can be over come through education on the issues we don't understand. Then there is fear, we are afraid of what we don't understand. again ecucation can help us understand. That understanding can bring about acceptance. Or in may not.
If she is the loving caring tipical Mom she is probably already seeking out information to help her child with given the number of times you have shared your feelings with her. She, like you, is probably in her own way working out how to best go about working through what she perseives to be a
phase. In her search for how to help you with this as she terms it
"normal phase", she will maybe realize that there maybe reason to beleive what you feel and not her uneducated mother's stand-by response to what alot of times does in fact blow over and fade away never to reserface again.
Also know that Mothers didn't get orperator's manuals with their babies when at the end of the nine months they got to bring this scary little bondle of joy home. They are very unsure of themselves and just when they think they have it all figured out they get some kind of surprise like yours is. They have to step back and get armed with information that can help them procede.
As she gets her information together you have to let her come to grips with all her guilt and grief.
Remember when you turned in that school project that you poured your heart and soul into and every spare second of you time into and you thought was the best ever and should be the winning thing of the best grade you could imagine. Then the marks were only average or failing, with no marks of special job or uniquenes at the top of the page in red ink.
Well she have that same sunk someone pole her bubble with a pin feeling. Only in stead of air slowly leaking it will be POP! She'll not even want to discuss it for a time. She'll need to come to grips with what all it will include and the magnitude of it all. I mean this is not in alinement with children books she's referd to for eveything else she had questions about.
the important thing is that she didn't get mad! I agree this is HUGE. This should be encouraging for you. I by no means am the worlds model mom, but what I share comes from my having been a mom. Her not being mad or angry leads me to think what I've shared.
"Where did you hear that?", She is definately thinking this even if she hasn't stated it. Helen this is a perfect time I agree for Tori to share concrete information. I think Tori, you could probably even asked, with Book in hand or giving her space by a note accompaning the book "True Selves", by Mildred Brown., stating something to the affect. Mom, I'd love for you to read this and give me your take on it. This is where I'm getting information on these issues we have skirted into at times. Can we have time for a coke at (Your favoite lte your hairdown comfortable spot?), to visit about what if offers and how I want to procede. She could be waiting for you to bring things up again if she thinks it has blown over. Depending on time laps sence last time.
In doing this she will have more information, the same information as you and then she'll know where you stand better after the coke.
As others have shared only you can make these steps forword for youself. We are not in your situation and there are always more than one side to everything. Some people work on the following for so long:
1.) Getting the Ducks in a row.
2.) Covering all the basis.
3.) Time getting all the answers to questions that may be asked.
Although some planning is needed but to much can be worrisom. Why not answer quetions you have't thought of with, I don't know today what I think about that, let me think on it for a bit and I'll get back to you on it. Work on only immediate Basis not long term ones. finally only get these years ducklings in the row. only what need to be handled if those that handle them for you should happen to not be there to handle them anymore.
Hope this help figure out something and helps relieve your worry on some of your mom's comments. HOpe you have a nice week end.
Smiles,
Peggiann
