Hey,
So I want to come out to my family, need to come out. My need to transition and begin hormones is starting to overpower everything that has been holding me back. But before I can really start to transition, I need to come out to my family. The only reason I haven't come out and started transition yet is because I currently live with my family and I'm afraid of their reaction (mainly kicking me out and I have nowhere to go). Just FYI I'm FTM and no, I'm not a teenager.
I'm also extremely confused by families reactions to things. First off, my family are hardcore, conservative bigots. They hate everyone and everything. They only have negative things to say about anything. To the point that when they start talking about stuff, I get up and leave the room because I can't stand all the hateful things that come out of their mouths.
They also will say one thing to your face and another behind your back. For example, when my sister told my parents that she was moving in with her boyfriend, we were both very surprised when my mom said that she didn't care, we were adults, we can do whatever we want. Then when my sister left, my mom kept saying how my sister was going to go to hell.
However, transpeople are one of the few groups they don't badmouth. I think my mom realizes that its a medical condition, and has in the past expressed sympathy for those who are trans. My mom and I were talking today, and somehow the conversation turned to a personality test I had taken. I had mentioned that I had the rarest personality type for a female, but it was more common in males. My mom said, "I'm not surprised, you do have a male brain and a male personality, maybe you should get your chromosomes checked."
I've been slowly transitioning in part for the last two years and so far my family have not reacted negatively, but I also haven't explained anything. When I cut my hair into a male haircut, they just said it looked cute. I wear men's clothes all the time, and they don't really say anything. I bind sometimes around them, and yeah they noticed, but not really said anything.
So you can see why I am completely confused what their reaction will be when I come out. I can actually see them reacting anywhere from "yeah, we know," or "that makes so much sense," to kicking me out of the house and never speaking to me again.
I would really rather wait until I'm not living with them to come out, but with as long as its taking to find a job, I don't know how much longer I'll be stuck here, and I don't know how much longer I can take being her. I don't know what to do.
Sorry, rant done. Thanks for reading.
Kylen
