Just saw the amount of replies I received on a previous thread and I'm really touched by what I've been reading. Thought I'd pitch in and give you guys an update on how things have been progressing.
I started T on December 6th - and thus I'm really considering it as my new birthdate. The appointment itself felt like going to war. I'm not on the best of terms with my doctor - he's new on the scene, and tends to judge quickly and distribute lectures and not give you any damn space to place a word in a conversation, and he gave me a bunch of crap when I asked if I could have my first shot done supervised in the clinic rather than having to drive all the way back home and do it on my own the next day. Emotionally and physically, I was at my last straw, and was doing what I could to be reasonable. I managed to get that through to him and silently boiled with rage at the pharmacy right up until I received my T and the gear I needed to self-administer weekly for the next five weeks - I luckily won't have to see that doctor again until then.
That being said, I went back to the clinic and was met with a nurse that I suspect was probably trans himself. He was nothing but sweet, understanding, and calming. He managed to get me to chill out to a point I was staring at the needle and at the liquid as it pushed into my arm the entire time, without feeling put off or anxious.
I can't describe how I immediately started feeling then without struggling to find words. I went from over the top angry to slightly irritated to absolutely blissful, collected, and even wildly amused within the span of an hour. Guys misgendering me in those awkward bus depot bathrooms annoyed me, but to a point I feel I could manage. I talked a bunch of ->-bleeped-<- about that doctor and how much he'd pissed me off, but I felt removed from the situation, and like his problems weren't mine any longer. Decided to settle on how I wouldn't talk to him about anything else but physical stuff, and leave the rest to a forum where I feel respected - possibly LGBTQ meetings locally, and I'll keep posting on here and ->-bleeped-<-.
I also felt I was looking through a brand new lens. Not quite seeing my female best friend the same - being able to connect to her emotions without feeling like I couldn't fix the issues we had when we broke up a bit ago upon my discovering I'm gay. I could clearly feel the gender separation from every chick I encountered that night, without meaning to be sexist; it was more as if I was looking at them in a way that felt a lot more objective, as if from across the room rather than from the same side, if that makes any sense. I've also been feeling very hyper-aware of muscle hardness, tingling on my face, throat soreness - and all that is probably because I'm so expectant of stuff happening over the next few weeks.
I also feel ready to face new challenges in a way that makes me feel safe within myself. I'm far from ready for the dating scene but it feels I'm less complexed about friendships than I used to be. I also think the holidays with family will be good, and I don't dread that upcoming ''I need you around more'' talk I need to have with dad in his garage over christmas evening. That was a scenario I kept on overplaying in my head before - at this point if it happened today, I wouldn't be nervous about it.
I guess the one thing I'm not a fan of is the exhaustion. I sleep enough, but it feels I have to energize with caffeine and brain foods a lot more to feel remotely ready to tackle my workouts.
Care to share what made you happiest when you got on T? Love to hear about what you guys went through that made you feel a whole lot better about life.
