Just saw the amount of replies I received on a previous thread and I'm really touched by what I've been reading. Thought I'd pitch in and give you guys an update on how things have been progressing.

I started T on December 6th - and thus I'm really considering it as my new birthdate. The appointment itself felt like going to war. I'm not on the best of terms with my doctor - he's new on the scene, and tends to judge quickly and distribute lectures and not give you any damn space to place a word in a conversation, and he gave me a bunch of crap when I asked if I could have my first shot done supervised in the clinic rather than having to drive all the way back home and do it on my own the next day. Emotionally and physically, I was at my last straw, and was doing what I could to be reasonable. I managed to get that through to him and silently boiled with rage at the pharmacy right up until I received my T and the gear I needed to self-administer weekly for the next five weeks - I luckily won't have to see that doctor again until then.

That being said, I went back to the clinic and was met with a nurse that I suspect was probably trans himself. He was nothing but sweet, understanding, and calming. He managed to get me to chill out to a point I was staring at the needle and at the liquid as it pushed into my arm the entire time, without feeling put off or anxious.

I can't describe how I immediately started feeling then without struggling to find words. I went from over the top angry to slightly irritated to absolutely blissful, collected, and even wildly amused within the span of an hour. Guys misgendering me in those awkward bus depot bathrooms annoyed me, but to a point I feel I could manage. I talked a bunch of ->-bleeped-<- about that doctor and how much he'd pissed me off, but I felt removed from the situation, and like his problems weren't mine any longer. Decided to settle on how I wouldn't talk to him about anything else but physical stuff, and leave the rest to a forum where I feel respected - possibly LGBTQ meetings locally, and I'll keep posting on here and ->-bleeped-<-.

I also felt I was looking through a brand new lens. Not quite seeing my female best friend the same - being able to connect to her emotions without feeling like I couldn't fix the issues we had when we broke up a bit ago upon my discovering I'm gay. I could clearly feel the gender separation from every chick I encountered that night, without meaning to be sexist; it was more as if I was looking at them in a way that felt a lot more objective, as if from across the room rather than from the same side, if that makes any sense. I've also been feeling very hyper-aware of muscle hardness, tingling on my face, throat soreness - and all that is probably because I'm so expectant of stuff happening over the next few weeks.

I also feel ready to face new challenges in a way that makes me feel safe within myself. I'm far from ready for the dating scene but it feels I'm less complexed about friendships than I used to be. I also think the holidays with family will be good, and I don't dread that upcoming ''I need you around more'' talk I need to have with dad in his garage over christmas evening. That was a scenario I kept on overplaying in my head before - at this point if it happened today, I wouldn't be nervous about it.

I guess the one thing I'm not a fan of is the exhaustion. I sleep enough, but it feels I have to energize with caffeine and brain foods a lot more to feel remotely ready to tackle my workouts.

Care to share what made you happiest when you got on T? Love to hear about what you guys went through that made you feel a whole lot better about life.

Thanks for posting an update . I guess the happiest would be having something to look forward to everyday which was looking in the mirror for any changes. I still do this actually . Don't want to discourage you but the first 6 months are the hardest because you still tend not to pass most of the time or notice many changes. I also realised on T the social anxiety and depression wouldn't magically go away as they were separate issues from me being trans. Therapy has helped more than the T suprisingly.

As for happiest changes from hormones it'll probably be my dysphoria is now almost non existant. It's a relief not to have that constant drone in my mind and has made coping a lot easier; even though I haven't seen all the physical changes I've wanted.

Congrats friend!

I passed fairly well pre-T, so my happiest change wasn't a physical one but a mental one. Unlike Elis, my social anxiety was drastically reduced just a short time after starting T. While I'm still not the most social person in the world, it's now a voluntary choice.

Glad you got on T, I also had strife with a doctor who to me doesn't really treat me like a human being, more like a car that's she's working on, but she gives me my scripts so I'm putting up with it for now. I tried to get on with another MD but he's not seeing new patients.

The thing that made me happiest on T was that my brain fog cleared up. My new motto is "Just Do It". I have such clarity of mind, if I decide to do something, I do it. I used to dither and procrastinate daily. My sleep changed, but in a good way because I don't feel as tired all the time. I am drinking more caffeine like you, though. I need to knock it back!

I am much more in touch with my emotions now than I was a year ago. I never thought that was possible. I'm an aspie, I thought being emotionally clueless was just part of it.