Surgery...so far, so good!

[Ms Grace]

For those of us pre-op it is so heart warming to know that, the sense of peace, light and happiness is obtainable.

There are those who might not be. I suspect one needs to have some degree of self acceptance and also a realistic understanding of what the op result will and won't be like.

[Dena]

I agree. If you haven't done your homework before surgery, you will have to do it after surgery. Any problems in life will still be problems after surgery. One of the reasons for RLE is to expose any issues you might be dealing with and it gives you plenty of time to address them. I spend 2.5 years in RLE and the only issues I had after surgery were new ones, like loss of a job. The additional time was because of financial issues but I now see that the additional time helped me to become more comfortable with myself and better prepared for surgery.

[AnonyMs]

I agree. If you haven't done your homework before surgery, you will have to do it after surgery. Any problems in life will still be problems after surgery. One of the reasons for RLE is to expose any issues you might be dealing with and it gives you plenty of time to address them. I spend 2.5 years in RLE and the only issues I had after surgery were new ones, like loss of a job. The additional time was because of financial issues but I now see that the additional time helped me to become more comfortable with myself and better prepared for surgery.

I see your point that homework needs to be done, what difference does it make doing it after vs before?

[Dena]

After surgery, you run the risk of blaming the problems you are having on the surgery and I suspect that's one of the reasons people de transition. If you are logical and willing to face reality, I think there is much less risk of this occurring.

The feeling I had after surgery was that is was truly done and there was nothing more to do. Admittedly this may have partly influenced by the fact that this was the first time in my life that my testosterone levels were in the feminine range but I no longer was required to attend therapy or ask permission before requesting medical care. Most important, I could change my paper work and I no longer was required to carry my get out of jail free card.

[AnonyMs]

After surgery, you run the risk of blaming the problems you are having on the surgery and I suspect that's one of the reasons people de transition. If you are logical and willing to face reality, I think there is much less risk of this occurring.

I'm not really sure I understand your answer, but that may be because I and very logical and try to face reality. I don't see what surgery has to life's issues unless they are related very directly to the surgery.

I often read about women having SRS and because its the last step in the process they find themselves lost afterwards. They have dedicated themselves to transitioning for so long that when its done they have a void in their lives that they don't know how to fill. I expect of you did surgery well before completing transition there wouldn't be such a clearly defined end and you'd have a very different experience. Its a bit academic as I've never heard of anyone doing that.

[Cindy]

After surgery, you run the risk of blaming the problems you are having on the surgery and I suspect that's one of the reasons people de transition. If you are logical and willing to face reality, I think there is much less risk of this occurring.

I'm not really sure I understand your answer, but that may be because I and very logical and try to face reality. I don't see what surgery has to life's issues unless they are related very directly to the surgery.

I often read about women having SRS and because its the last step in the process they find themselves lost afterwards. They have dedicated themselves to transitioning for so long that when its done they have a void in their lives that they don't know how to fill. I expect of you did surgery well before completing transition there wouldn't be such a clearly defined end and you'd have a very different experience. Its a bit academic as I've never heard of anyone doing that.

Well the logical argument is that if people have surgery first and it does not solve any issues to do with their gender ID then there is no going back. HRT, socialisation, lifestyle can be walked away from (I have to admit I do not know how personally) but surgery cannot be walked away from.

There are several instances in the media of people claiming that the were coerced into surgery and it ruined their life, the people I am thinking of where quite wealthy and bypassed the 'system'. I believe one is an UK anti-TG activist nowadays. I forget the names.

I think some people can be fortunate in the direction they take when it is an unusual or 'against the standards' method. But they may be unusual people who have a very strong self identity and of course the intelligence and willpower to follow through on their direction.

[Dena]

I saw it happen with my roommate. She managed to get her surgery at 6 months and was still dealing with a very hostile work environment. Most were accepting but some were not and they hid their identity. Had I not been around, I think she might have attempted a de transition. The surgery was the right decision for her but she had difficulty seeing it with what she was dealing with.

I never really felt lost after surgery but I had established a life such as it was. I had work, I still was doing follow up therapy as requested and I knew my to be roommate so I had somebody to spend part of my time with. The goal of RLE is to establish that life you will be stepping into. It may be one you already have or it may be newly created.

[Cindy]

Maybe why not ask the lady herself?

Grace, how do you feel life would have panned out if you had gone for surgery your first time as compared to now, when you have had a full transition prior to surgery. I'm not sure if I have worded that right but I think the crux of the question is there.

If you do not wish to answer of course don't

[Ms Grace]

Hard to say, had I successfully transitioned in the 1990s I might not have had the surgery for many years due to lack of funds.

There was a lot about me at the time that was, at least in the face of it, not trans related that I really needed to sort out. I'm glad I got those sorted out in the intervening years...issues such as confidence, social skills, emotional perspective, self acceptance and self love. Of those last two points in particular, at the age of 24 I struggled with self acceptance because I was overflowing with internalised transphobia and yet I hated my male body with a passion.

I feel that, had I gone ahead with GRS before I had been able to accept that I was trans,and before I could honestly say I didn't hate myself or my body for being bio male, then I might have found my post GRS period less fulfilled. Hard to know for sure.

Personally I'm glad I was in a good place about myself and my transition before GRS, that way I didn't see the surgery as the absolute solution to my gender identity, just a part of the process I'd been working towards.

[AnonyMs]

I don't want to derail Grace's thread with this but...

I hear the words, but I can't really relate to this way of looking at things. I don't think I'm very normal at the best of times, so perhaps that explains it (that's not being negative, I like the way I am). Because of that I don't think this is a useful topic of discussion unless there's anyone else out there who shares the way I think. Since I've already written it, I'll leave the rest here:

I think of GCS as being a very personal thing and what it means depends on the individual. I want it solely for me, because it would make me happy, and its got nothing to do with transitioning. It wouldn't make transitioning easier to harder, or anything really. It certainly wouldn't make transition complete, unless it actually was the very last thing to do, but that's only complete in a very technical sense. I guess it could be good for people if it they can look at it as the point where they were finished with being trans, because I'd certainly like to put all this behind me.

Compared to HRT and social transition, GCS is very different for me. HRT makes me feel normal. Social transition scares me and I don't think I have much (if any) social dysphoria.

I tend to think why not? The risk for me is family. It might not go down too well, and I've so far avoid all that by not socially transitioning. Detransition? Not applicable, but even if it were I don't see what transitioning has to do with GCS (detransitioning because of not being trans would be an issue, but I am trans). Regret? Can't imagine it.

[Susan]

Grace and I were in similar situations I started my transition in the 1990's but due to financial reasons had to stop. I maintained a public male identity and a private female one. Close friends and family knew but that was basically it. I would have transitioned 30 years ago if I had the money.

For the last year I have been living full time, not because of any RLT requirements but because I had made the conscious decision with my surgery coming in the next year that it was time to kick my transition into high gear.

Do I regret coming out in a extremely public manner (Facebook with over 1,000 friends, local and regional Newspaper, speeches to local civic groups, National Magazine)? No, because i got to educate the local community and in doing so make it so much easier for myself and for other trans to do so. How did it help me? People got to have time to come to terms with my transition before they ran into the new me in public.

What about living full time as a woman before having genital surgery? No not at all. I have had good times and bad, i have learned a lot, and i have become a lot more comfortable in my own skin.

For that reason alone I highly recommend it.

You can read some of the stuff I did in transition here...

https://www.facebook.com/susan.elizabeth.larson/notes?lst=606866915%3A606866915%3A1482782899

The last 5 notes. Before that was general stuff non-trans related.

[AnonyMs]

The last 5 notes. Before that was general stuff non-trans related.

I'm not sure I can see that. I don't have a Facebook account.

[Susan]

It's all public so give it a try...

LOL just noticed some christian hit sad on all my positive and uplifting trans related notes...

[AnonyMs]

I've a feeling I'm missing something. I'm not very familiar with Facebook so I'm not sure what to expect, but I think its not there.

[Dena]

When I go to the face book page, I get a few facts and pictures with request to log in or create an account if I want any more. I don't have a face book account so it appear to view a public page, you must at least have an account with the current settings.

[Rachel]

Hi Grace,

I am glad your recovery is going well. It is interesting, how you explained that GCS was part of the process, for when you were ready.

I never expected how I would feel toward my body after GCS. I never thought about how I would look and feel after GCS. I like how I look and I am happy. My genital dysphoria is completely gone. It is an odd feeling because I coped with it for so long and now where the dysphoria was there is happiness.

[Susan]

When I go to the face book page, I get a few facts and pictures with request to log in or create an account if I want any more. I don't have a face book account so it appear to view a public page, you must at least have an account with the current settings.

The Best year of my Life My coming out letter which I posted to facebook right after filing my name change.

Leadership Clarksville Religion and Social Diversity Day Speech. Leadership Clarksville in Tennessee was founded in 1987 as an independent, executive leadership program to give community leaders a three-dimensional view of the Clarksville/Montgomery County, Tennessee community. The program is designed to identify and introduce to each other the recognized and future leaders of the area and to give them an intense look at the community, its strengths and weaknesses.

Renaming and Baptism Renewal Ceremony  My re-baptism ceremony. When the guests all said "We do" I wanted to cry right then and there it was that intense for me.

Prayer: Gracious God, here stands one who has wrestled throughout life with the name she received at birth and the name she heard you calling. When Jacob became Israel, you recognized his perseverance and offered your blessing. Eternal Spirit, pour out your blessings on this your child today.

The pastor: How do you wish to be named?

Me: Susan Elizabeth Larson

The Pastor: Friends and family, you have heard this name and have received this request. Do you support Susan in this declaration?

All: We do.

Susan Larson's Transgender Journey from Fear to Acceptance Ran on the front page of the Focus section in the Easter Sunday edition of the Clarksville Leaf Chronicle, and the next day in the Tennessean directly across from the Political updates for the Tennessee State Legislature for that week.

Susan Larson was advocating from inside the closet. Celebrating 45 years of continuous publication, The Advocate and Advocate.com serve as the world's leading gay news source. The magazine reports monthly on news, politics, business, medical issues, fine arts, and entertainment. Advocate.com is a source for breaking news and current events in all of those areas.

Those urls work if not logged into facebook, I tested them. 

[AnonyMs]

Thanks.

[Mariah]

If I had stayed with my transition last time I would have been forced to hold off on surgery to due to money so your not alone in that for sure. I got thinking about that one day and realized my surgery would still have been about where it was, but maybe as much as 6 to 9 months earlier. I don't imagine anything would have occurred before that point. Your feelings in regards to when and why it was better now are ones that have resonated well with me as well. Hugs
Mariah

Hard to say, had I successfully transitioned in the 1990s I might not have had the surgery for many years due to lack of funds.

There was a lot about me at the time that was, at least in the face of it, not trans related that I really needed to sort out. I'm glad I got those sorted out in the intervening years...issues such as confidence, social skills, emotional perspective, self acceptance and self love. Of those last two points in particular, at the age of 24 I struggled with self acceptance because I was overflowing with internalised transphobia and yet I hated my male body with a passion.

I feel that, had I gone ahead with GRS before I had been able to accept that I was trans,and before I could honestly say I didn't hate myself or my body for being bio male, then I might have found my post GRS period less fulfilled. Hard to know for sure.

Personally I'm glad I was in a good place about myself and my transition before GRS, that way I didn't see the surgery as the absolute solution to my gender identity, just a part of the process I'd been working towards.

[Ms Grace]

Day 35... five weeks! Can't say there have been any major changes since my update at week four. Everything seems to be settling down, my healing continues, swelling and bruising is probably minimal but it's hard to know just how much further it has to go until everything is what will pass as the new normal. Some tenderness when sitting on some seats, but for the most part no issue. I'm mostly able to do my regular daily tasks at about the same pace (or slower) but I'm still taking it easy. I'm nowhere near as exhausted as I was, say two or three weeks ago, so that is a great sign.

I quite look forward to my salt sit baths, I probably have to do them for a few more weeks but they are part of my routine now and I nice 'time out'. As is dilating... I've even moved up a "size" now...

I'll be going back to work in a couple of days - shorter hours than usual but with the option to bail and/or work from home if I find I can't cope... judging by my progress so far I expect I'll do OK for three days at four hours and then the weekend and maybe do the next week at five or six hours a day. Have to say I'm really looking forward to getting back. 

In fact I'm really looking forward to the year.