I managed to get a first appointment set and went to it yesterday. I was a mess all day, checking the clock constantly, counting the minutes until the moment arrived for my session to start. I was a nervous wreck, overflowing with anxiety as I filled out the paperwork and first began answering talking to my new therapist. It was sort of a bewildering experience at first, putting myself out there to a total stranger. I feel like I could have been more honest. Not that I was lying, just that in reflection I feel like I could have elaborated or clarified myself on a few of the topics we discussed. I think she made it clear that all that is really important is to be me and to feel comfortable with that, regardless of what I need to do to get there. Over all, it was good to get out of my head, to verbalize my thought to an impartial party. I'm still terrified, I'm still torn between what I feel like I want and what I feel like I need, but I feel like so much of the doubt and uncertainty has been lifted off my shoulders. These are huge decisions and changes that I'm facing, but for the first time I feel like I'm capable of finding answers and making decisions. I've only ever felt crippled and isolated by this, it's surreal to finally have a feeling of empowerment in my situation. I'm happy to be on the path to improving myself, to finding peace with who I am. I'm already looking forward to the next session!
