What does being a woman mean to you?

[staciM]

Perhaps a slightly philosophical discussion....but, what does it mean to you to be a woman?  I'm talking beyond the obvious physical things that most of us adore (hair, makeup, clothing, shoes etc).  Strip those away and dissect your soul.

Genders are blurring in society so certain traditional elements of being men/woman, don't really apply....woman can change tires, men are great cooks, men can cry during a movie, woman can be majority bread winners, men can be vulnerable, woman can race cars.  With all these cross-gender barriers being broken, what does it mean to you? Are the superficial things (clothing, makeup etc) an important part of being a woman for you?

I'm pre-HRT but self-identify as trans, so perhaps future HRT may change my perspective.

To me, it's difficult to put a finger on, other than I'm mentally more comfortable just simply self identifying as a woman.  Although, I've lived decades as a man, just saying I'm a woman just "fits", but without a way to properly describe it.  Don't get me wrong, the wardrobe, passion for makeup and the thrill of pretty shoes is preset but over the years it's morphed into a different type of importance.... more functional....does that make sense?

Anyway girls, I'm interested in your feelings.

Staci

[stephaniec]

freedom


"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin

[DawnOday]

I have worked with women most my life and what I love about them is they mostly lack ego which make projects much more productive. I like the fact they seek consensus. Are willing to talk things out. And at the end of the day, hand out praise for a job well done. Of course there are some exceptions. 

[RobynD]

Agree on Freedom, authenticity is the next big thing. to me femininity is a thing not bound by clothes, appearance etc .

Being a woman means camaraderie and commonality with all women, their struggle for rights and their struggle to live in a non-sexist society. Equality with men is a womanly endeavor. The fact that women make 78% of what men make on average is an example of the equality work left to do. In general women to me reflect a better hope for a less violent, more inclusive culture and society. This does not come easy but in America at least we are in a struggle which continues and has existed for the last 150 yrs.

My womanhood is something i wake up to daily and I'm so thankful for. There is a feeling like you say that is very different from what i felt in the past. Simply using my new soft voice or doing a more feminine mannerism reinforces my positive feelings.

There are many other things, but this is what i can come up quickly.

[zamber74]

Hi Staci, I'm also pre-hrt. 

Being a woman, to me, at my current perspective, is to simply allow myself the freedom to be myself.  I don't know how else to explain it, as you say there is a blur in the genders.  I can be a feminine man, I could dress as I so desire, wear make up, but there is more to it than that.

It is a very difficult question to answer, when I look at myself, it just doesn't feel right, it never really has, but like yourself I can't really put a finger on it as well.  I don't think I can rationalize it, just a deep seated desire to be a woman that has existed since childhood.  It is not even so much about how other people see me, as it is with how I see myself. 

Sorry I could not answer your question for you.  Perhaps in five years, I can come back to this topic and provide a better answer.

[staciM]

Sorry I could not answer your question for you.  Perhaps in five years, I can come back to this topic and provide a better answer.

Thanks Zamber, I appreciate your post and i believe you answered it well.  This was purely a thought "experiment"....no binary answer.....just a way for us to dig inside and see how we feel.

[staciM]

Agree on Freedom, authenticity is the next big thing. to me femininity is a thing not bound by clothes, appearance etc .

Being a woman means camaraderie and commonality with all women, their struggle for rights and their struggle to live in a non-sexist society. Equality with men is a womanly endeavor. The fact that women make 78% of what men make on average is an example of the equality work left to do. In general women to me reflect a better hope for a less violent, more inclusive culture and society. This does not come easy but in America at least we are in a struggle which continues and has existed for the last 150 yrs.

My womanhood is something i wake up to daily and I'm so thankful for. There is a feeling like you say that is very different from what i felt in the past. Simply using my new soft voice or doing a more feminine mannerism reinforces my positive feelings.

There are many other things, but this is what i can come up quickly.

Unfortunately, I've not yet been able to experience true freedom, and being fully authentic in all aspects of life, but I can imagine that it will be a wonderful aspect of womanhood.

Robyn, you mentioned something that I find an interesting aspect of this....femininity.  There are many cis and trans woman that aren't particularly feminine, or sometimes don't want to be, but certainly identify as woman.  Expressing femininity is also important to ME, but I find it intriguing that it doesn't have to be for some woman.  Which ties back to freedom, freedom to be any type of woman you desire without being burdened by rules men are typically expected to follow.

[KathyLauren]

I agree that it's freedom.

Genders are blurring in society so certain traditional elements of being men/woman, don't really apply....woman can change tires, men are great cooks, men can cry during a movie, woman can be majority bread winners, men can be vulnerable, woman can race cars.  With all these cross-gender barriers being broken, what does it mean to you? Are the superficial things (clothing, makeup etc) an important part of being a woman for you?

While gender barriers are softening a bit, men are not allowed to cry at movies; they are not allowed to wear colourful or swishy clothing.  Married men are required to socialize only with other men and talk only about cars, hunting, and tools.  They are treated with suspicion by women, regardless of their intentions.  ( I exaggerate, but only slightly.)

The biggest thing that being a woman means for me is freedom from all that.

[RobynD]

I agree with you on being free of all that. I listen to groups of guys talk and it is really boring to me (although i'm sure it is great for them) When i talk with other women or conversations are varied and interesting.

I do think softening gender boundaries are helping men on many levels. I see married men with women friends and i see some pretty bright colors on men at times such as pinks.

[Tessa James]

Interesting ideas here.  I love the freedom to simply be ourselves that others here have emphasized.  The lack of artifice or trying to relate to men or even stand like them or yes, talk about those Mets or Vikings.  But those are stereotypes too, right?    It really is fascinating to have this perspective and notice how welcoming women are now and how the room or gathering really can be divided by gender so often.  Companionability then is big for me.  Greater self awareness and affinity with women also means watching old classic movies and cringing as women are props with no lines, smacked around, sexual objects and demeaned and that was apparently just the way it was for Hollywood then.  Now i am free to identify with female heroes and characters and perspectives that I dared not express a few years ago.

Femininity and feminism is not exclusive to women and, of course, we all know that gender roles do not equal gender identity but I had to relearn that.  To really know that my clothes and even my anatomy don't make the difference took these invaluable years of real life experience to internalize. 

The acceptably greater range and depth of expression and small intimacies women share feels like a wonderful new luxury.

[Valkria01]

I guess I could say I'm free to feel emotion.

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[Sephirah]

Nothing. In the same way that being a man means nothing.

I realise that's a slightly unusual answer, but I don't know how else to say it. I've spent a long time thinking about this and have come to the conclusion that male or female, I am who I am. I like what I like, I feel what I feel. Female is just how I see myself. My default state. Rather like asking what does being left handed mean to me? It doesn't mean anything, it's just the hand I write with.

Female is just the life I live with. That it happens to encompass myself as a person is just how it is, I guess. If I didn't constantly feel intensely dysphoric with male anatomy, I wouldn't care about being male.

[Daria67]

After hiding my true self for decades it is a sheer joy to be able to feel free to simply BE me, to express my emotions without shame, to be welcomed by my female friends (and not ONE of my female friends has rejected me so there's that) as one of them, to not have to play act in the company of men when forced to do so, etc...  To communicate, really talk about things with friends, to not fear that my response to something is inappropriate (which was a constant fear prior to transition)...

[Laurie K]

The aggressive, hard side of me is gone. Here with me now is a softer patient woman  that can focus on on life s  challenges even more with out making a spectacle of my self.  Women accept me more as woman than they did my former self. With that acceptance comes a degree of trust and sharing that I have never experienced before. I can cry and not be belittled. I can use "hun ","sweetie" and "Luv" with out judgement. I can wear clothing I feel comfortable in. I have  a bounce in my step and an inner peace, that I have never had as my former self.  As the master card ad says...... "membership has its advantages ".

[Michelle_P]

Being a woman means being myself.

Finally.

It's what I have always been, deep inside. Being a woman is the process of shrugging off that old persona, and finally becoming myself, the real authentic me out there interacting with the world.

Being a woman means I am finally comfortable in my own skin.

[Rachel]

I am female, always was and always will be. When I went on HRT, went full time, had FFS and GCS my identity remained the same, I am me.  However, each step I took I felt better and stronger about myself. I suspect future experience and surgical procedures will not alter my identity and it will reduce my feelings of incongruences between who I am and how the world perceives me. 

[josie76]

After hiding my true self for decades it is a sheer joy to be able to feel free to simply BE me, to express my emotions without shame, to be welcomed by my female friends (and not ONE of my female friends has rejected me so there's that) as one of them, to not have to play act in the company of men when forced to do so, etc...  To communicate, really talk about things with friends, to not fear that my response to something is inappropriate (which was a constant fear prior to transition)...

Daria incapsulated so much of the experience I want to have every day. As others have said, everything boils down to real freedom for my soul.

[ScarletRed]

For me being a woman means freedom I spent 30 years of my life hiding the real me. Pretending to be a man while suppressing the real me. It was a sad and lonely existence that was killing me with many suicide attempts and hospitalizations. Letting go and allowing myself to be the woman I always knew I was has removed a crushing weight from my chest. I feel like I can do almost anything now I don't care what people think. Trying to live as a man was like living in prison. I always had to be on guard against letting anyone see my femininity so yes FREEDOM!!


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[SleepyJess]

I think gender identity which came through who knows how many years of sexual selection. No matter how much I tried to suppress it, it always come back stronger. It runs so deep I can only understand it as innate. I always gave a poor job at hiding it anyway and its more noticable than I realised in recordings and my mannerisms.

[anisea]

I see being a woman (or a man) more like a spectrum with multiple dimensions. There are some traits that are more common among women or men (style preferences, hair length, introversion/assertiveness, amount of facial/body hair...). Few people are stereotypical with respect to all of these dozens of gender features. If however they are mostly closer to those of the opposite gender, or significantly distant from the stereotype of their gender assigned at birth, then it probably makes sense for that person to say he/she is transgender/genderqueer.

I tend to be quite feminine (strangers gender me as female and I don't have any particularly masculine hobby/interest), but I still prefer to use the genderqueer term. Both for activism/political reasons, and also because I probably have a broad definition of "guy" in my head, having met quite a few guys that gendered themselves that way despite being, for most practical purposes, more feminine than me.

I support this "cherrypicking" view of gender. Like "cafeteria christianity" exists, I could define myself "cafeteria femininity" or "cafeteria masculinity".