Coming out via Christmas list?

[TonyaW]

Was trying to think of things to put on my Christmas list for my family and most everything I can think of would be obviously female items like makeup, clothing, jewelry, shoes, GCS, etc. 

Not going to do it but thought it'd be one way to let them all know at the same time. 

[KathyLauren]

You're evil.     I like that!

[Dena]

How about just a simple christmas card with your avatar on it?

[Michelle_P]

I'd worry about causing some confusion with something like just the avatar, or the odd wish list.  It is a neat idea, but the way others interpret this might not be something you'd like.  Remember how confused the interpretation of our using a gender-appropriate restroom was, with the cries about being sex offenders, pedophiles, and such.  I'm pretty sure you don't want some confused soul thinking along those lines!

Best to be clear about your true nature.  With the help of some very wise members here, I did come up with a short 'coming out' letter that fits well in a card or one page note.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,215456.msg1912383.html#msg1912383

The generic version:

I've been dealing with a medical problem for decades that needs to be addressed.  The causes are complicated, but the medical solution is well understood.  It has already had a significant impact on me that I wanted to share with everyone, by re-introducing myself.

Hi, my name is Michelle.  I am transgender and have been medically transitioning with the support of my physician, therapist, and endocrinologist, along with a team of specialists at Kaiser.  This has been an extremely difficult process both professionally and personally, and I ask for your patience and understanding.  Please understand this is not about "lifestyle" or a "choice", but about my survival.  I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have about my transition, about my being transgender, or just to talk!  Please feel free to contact me, and we can chat and get to know each other all over again!

For more information:
http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.pdf

[TonyaW]

You're evil.     I like that!

Brought it up to therapist while talking about up coming holidays.  She thought it was creative, but didn't say I was evil. [emoji3].

I'd actually consider if I wasn't going to see everyone this year. I don't want it to be the focus of the holiday gathering. 

[TonyaW]

How about just a simple christmas card with your avatar on it?

Might have to send that around when I  do tell them.  Although give me an excuse for another makeover and new picture instead.

I'd worry about causing some confusion with something like just the avatar, or the odd wish list.  It is a neat idea, but the way others interpret this might not be something you'd like.  Remember how confused the interpretation of our using a gender-appropriate restroom was, with the cries about being sex offenders, pedophiles, and such.  I'm pretty sure you don't want some confused soul thinking along those lines!

Best to be clear about your true nature.  With the help of some very wise members here, I did come up with a short 'coming out' letter that fits well in a card or one page note.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,215456.msg1912383.html#msg1912383

The generic version:

Not seriously considering doing it this way for the reasons you give and the timing. 

I really like your letter though and may steal a good chunk of it when the time comes.

[Denise]

I've been dealing with a medical problem for decades that needs to be addressed.  The causes are complicated, but the medical solution is well understood.  It has already had a significant impact on me that I wanted to share with everyone, by re-introducing myself.

Hi, my name is Michelle.  I am transgender and have been medically transitioning with the support of my physician, therapist, and endocrinologist, along with a team of specialists at Kaiser.  This has been an extremely difficult process both professionally and personally, and I ask for your patience and understanding.  Please understand this is not about "lifestyle" or a "choice", but about my survival.  I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have about my transition, about my being transgender, or just to talk!  Please feel free to contact me, and we can chat and get to know each other all over again!

For more information:
http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.pdf

Michelle - I like this.  Short, sweet and to the point.  It makes it VERY clear this is a medical issue not a "I like to wear girls clothes."  To me that is the most important thing.

[Michelle_P]

Michelle - I like this.  Short, sweet and to the point.  It makes it VERY clear this is a medical issue not a "I like to wear girls clothes."  To me that is the most important thing.

Yeah.  Most of that was written by another member here, who pointed out that my original letter, aimed at a bunch of techie types, was technical and long, while the response of most people to this disclosure is emotional and visceral, from the gut feelings rather than abstract thought.

She provided some simple wording aimed at emotional engagement, and because, in my case, this was a medical issue (existing since birth, wildly mistreated back in the 1960s, and after a half century, leaving me with a bunch of oddball complications), I added phrasing related to that to emphasize this wasn't just, as you say, "I like to wear girls clothes."  Mind you, I do!  The need for gender expression is definitely there.  It goes with the gender identity, of course.

[jentay1367]

Maybe it's just me, but I can think of no worse time to come out than Christmas. Christmas isn't about "us and it's not "our" day. Cuz' of that, the anxiety that our coming out may cause for some could be remembered as the year YOU ruined the Christmas of 2016. Who needs to put that crap on their own shoulders? Using holidays....(cept' for your birthday, of course!) is a poorly thought out idea for anyone to pursue. I can see few upsides and tons of ways for it all to go sideways.

[TonyaW]

Maybe it's just me, but I can think of no worse time to come out than Christmas. Christmas isn't about "us and it's not "our" day. Cuz' of that, the anxiety that our coming out may cause for some could be remembered as the year YOU ruined the Christmas of 2016. Who needs to put that crap on their own shoulders? Using holidays....(cept' for your birthday, of course!) is a poorly thought out idea for anyone to pursue. I can see few upsides and tons of ways for it all to go sideways.

Exactly why I am not doing it this way or any other right now. 

[Michelle_P]

Maybe it's just me, but I can think of no worse time to come out than Christmas. Christmas isn't about "us and it's not "our" day. Cuz' of that, the anxiety that our coming out may cause for some could be remembered as the year YOU ruined the Christmas of 2016. Who needs to put that crap on their own shoulders? Using holidays....(cept' for your birthday, of course!) is a poorly thought out idea for anyone to pursue. I can see few upsides and tons of ways for it all to go sideways.

I sure hope that doesn't happen with me.  I 'came out' to the membership of a community organization I'm president of last month at a regular business meeting, via that letter and a brief announcement.  I wasn't at the meeting because I didn't want to derail the regular business and make it about me.

My first appearance for most members will be at a Christmas party this week.  The board and I had figured that doing this in a social environment would be less disruptive than in a business meeting environment, so folks could talk with me individually, or avoid me, freely with minimal organizational impact.

I really do hope nobody interprets this as 'ruining' their Christmas or the party.

[jentay1367]

Just to clarify my previous comments, I was referring to ones family members or very close friends, not business associates. I hope my comments didn't cause you any consternation, Michelle. If so, it wasn't my intention and I apologize if I appeared flippant..

[Denise]

Maybe it's just me, but I can think of no worse time to come out than Christmas. Christmas isn't about "us and it's not "our" day. Cuz' of that, the anxiety that our coming out may cause for some could be remembered as the year YOU ruined the Christmas of 2016. Who needs to put that crap on their own shoulders? Using holidays....(cept' for your birthday, of course!) is a poorly thought out idea for anyone to pursue. I can see few upsides and tons of ways for it all to go sideways.

Jentay, I have a worse one and I did it.  Halloween.  Let's just say my wife stills throws it back on me how "stupid" I was at the way I did it. 

She had an inkling I harbored female thoughts but when I did Halloween in a dress heals, wig, nail polish... The works, she was pissed.  And really more than that.  So in my opinion Halloween is worse.  Granted, I wouldn't come out to family right before the holidays, but new year's, that's a different story.  New year, fresh start, clearing the slate, resolutions...  I'm thinking December 31st or January 1st.

Another option is on your own birthday.

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[TonyaW]

Just to clarify my previous comments, I was referring to ones family members or very close friends, not business associates. I hope my comments didn't cause you any consternation, Michelle. If so, it wasn't my intention and I apologize if I appeared flippant..

That's they way I took it but the wording may not have been perfect

I sure hope that doesn't happen with me.  I 'came out' to the membership of a community organization I'm president of last month at a regular business meeting, via that letter and a brief announcement.  I wasn't at the meeting because I didn't want to derail the regular business and make it about me.

My first appearance for most members will be at a Christmas party this week.  The board and I had figured that doing this in a social environment would be less disruptive than in a business meeting environment, so folks could talk with me individually, or avoid me, freely with minimal organizational impact.

I really do hope nobody interprets this as 'ruining' their Christmas or the party.

First appearance after coming out you should be fine. They should already  know so anyone that thinks you ruined the party just by showing up as yourself is making it about them and not about you. 

[jentay1367]

Jentay, I have a worse one and I did it.  Halloween.  Let's just say my wife stills throws it back on me how "stupid" I was at the way I did it. 

She had an inkling I harbored female thoughts but when I did Halloween in a dress heals, wig, nail polish... The works, she was pissed.  And really more than that.  So in my opinion Halloween is worse.  Granted, I wouldn't come out to family right before the holidays, but new year's, that's a different story.  New year, fresh start, clearing the slate, resolutions...  I'm thinking December 31st or January 1st.

Another option is on your own birthday.

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Yup....New Years sounds like a great time to "drop da' bomb", so to speak, Denise! As new years resolutions go, that's a screamer!

1. Lose weight
2. Stop smoking
.3. Quit kicking the cat
4. Quit pretending to be a man and tell EVERYONE     


LOL

[Denise]

Not only do you have the opportunity on new year's Eve. But there will probably be alcohol involved to make it easier.

P.S. stopping kicking the cat is way way harder than coming out.  You only need to come out once.  Not kicking the cat is a life change.

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[AshleyC]

The whole holidays thing really worries me, which is partly why I've decided to ride them out before coming out to anyone.

I think about coming out to my girlfriend almost every day, but it somehow never seems like a good time.

Ugh.

[jentay1367]

The whole holidays thing really worries me, which is partly why I've decided to ride them out before coming out to anyone.

I think about coming out to my girlfriend almost every day, but it somehow never seems like a good time.

Ugh.

Hi Ash, I've yet to find a "good time" for any of this stuff. If you make a Franklin List for coming out, the cons will always win. You just need to set down your sanity, stand in the line of fire, and go for it! I'm kidding of course. Bout' the go for it stuff, anyways. But you do have to go a little crazy in order to reclaim your sanity. Ironic...LOL.
      I can never guarantee anyone's outcome. But I can tell you, once you do, the ->-bleeped-<-s gonna get weird. Oh well.....it always reminds me of the Hunter Thompson maxim, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"  L.O.L.  May the fortunes shine on you whenever you choose to step off the cliff.  Lisa

[AshleyC]

"->-bleeped-<-'s gonna get weird" has to be the best way to describe the entire experience thus far hahaha.

[Artesia]

My wife....kind of knew already, like before me.  I can remember several times when she said "your such a girl" to me, over one thing or another.  She finally dragged it out of me about 3-4 months ago.  Your significant other probably already knows.

As to the holiday, my therapist agrees that it is a bad time to talk about it, but agrees that some family members will already know, and be okay with it.  I plan to talk to my sister, who is the most open minded of my family, first.  Everyone else later in the year.