When to Start RLE?

[Selena]

So, as the title says, when should you start some type of RLE? More specifically, how to do so at work?

A bit about where I'm at:

I came out about two months ago to my girlfriend. Some bumpy patches but everything seems fine. As I've written in a few other posts, she also happens to be the manager where I work, while I'm shift supervisor. (No nepotism, I swear. I was promoted by her boss for being fantastic). So, I'm "out" at work. Since then, I've traded in my usual cargo pants for womens jeans, wear a visor instead of a hat, clean shaven, light makeup, painted nails, depending on the day I practice my voice while waiting on customers, still wear Converse because they are super comfy, and the horrible polo shirt we all have to wear (ooh, Subway, you are the height of fashion). So all of my clothes are either work related, gender neutral, or feminine. Pretty well on my way.

The issue is name, breast forms, heavy make up, and co-workers. I don't want to just show up one day completely in girl mode. I don't know how to approach the big boss about starting a social transition in the workplace. Can I just tell him I want a new name tag and to be called by this new name or do I need to wait until I officially change it? I assume for official reasons my name would stay the same on the books until I actually change it, I'm talking about socially. Do I just tell him I'm going to start wearing fake breasts and using a more female voice? And how do I deal with customers?

I don't worry so much about coworkers since I'm in charge of everyone excluding my gf. Although we haven't discussed my actual transition, our boss is supportive. He let me know that I'm still up for a promotion whenever they build the new store because, "you're one of the best damn workers I've ever had, regardless of what gender you are." It's just super awkward and I don't know how to approach it.

[treeLB]

RLE is really just a medical requirment for specific treatment or surgeries. If you are pursueing have SRS most surgeons would require you to be living as a female FULL TIME for a year, and to be able to prove it, for example. That means work, home, shopping, everywhere.

There is no "type" of RLE - you are either living full time or you are not to meet the requirments for the treatments you are after.

So when you should start - first figure out where you are wanting to go with this. Have you started HRT yet? Do you present female?

Why are breast forms and heavy make up part of the issue? When I changed my name at work I was forbiden to wear make up and I never wore forms.

edit: I guess what I am wanting to say as don't look at this as some sort of test (which RLE in a clinical sense is supposed to be). If you are feeling ready to present more femine at work and WANT to change your name legally and be addressed that way at work, then you can do it. Open communication with your boss about what your plans are, what you would like to do, how you would like to procede with doing it.

[Sophia Sage]

Although we haven't discussed my actual transition, our boss is supportive. He let me know that I'm still up for a promotion whenever they build the new store because, "you're one of the best damn workers I've ever had, regardless of what gender you are." It's just super awkward and I don't know how to approach it.

There are two things to consider here.

First, how comfortable will your boss be with your presentation? Because if you're going to be dealing with the public then your boss will want to know you're not alienating any of the customers. If you're fairly passable with breast forms, your voice isn't too deep, and your beard isn't poking through your makeup at the end of your shift, it should probably be okay. Otherwise, you might need to hold off until you address some of those issues.

The other thing to consider is your own personal dysphoria. Going full time can make you much more sensitive to misgendering.  Again, there's the matter of your presentation -- if you fail to elicit consistent female gendering, this can put you in an emotional tailspin. 

And trust me, once you go full time in a particular area of your life, you aren't going to want to go back.  Considering how much transition costs, I tend to recommend waiting on full-time at work until beard removal is, if not complete, at least well under control (you're getting fully cleared each week). 

RLE is really just a medical requirment for specific treatment or surgeries. If you are pursueing have SRS most surgeons would require you to be living as a female FULL TIME for a year, and to be able to prove it, for example. That means work, home, shopping, everywhere.

Most SRS surgeons want two therapists to sign off on it.  And therapists, well, some can be pretty accommodating for special circumstances. 

Like, I never came out at work when I transitioned -- but then, I was working remotely, had a very good voice, had already facial surgery, and had about 90-95% of my electrolysis done by the time I sought my letters.  As far as my therapists were concerned, after the facial surgery it didn't matter if I was out at work, I'd already committed to social transition, and they signed right off on SRS.  (After healing up from SRS, I got a new job and career, ending this level of compartmentalization). 

[Dani]

And now for something completely different.

My RLE started the day I was born. Yes, this may sound like I do not know what I am talking about, but let me explain my feelings.

I became aware of my gender issues as a young teenager. It was going on before that as well. I just did not know what to call it. After many years of self denial and risky behavior, I finally did something positive. I went to a therapist. I was still working at that time, but my therapist agreed to write a hormone letter, even though I rarely cross dressed and never in public.

Fortunately, I live in Florida where many people, male and female, just wear shorts and a t-shirt. This is what I wear most of the time. Definitely an androgynous appearance and I am very comfortable with it. I am also comfortable wearing a dress or skirt in public. The clothes I wear are not central to who I am. I also wear very little makeup, nothing visible to others.

After 1 year on hormones, my breasts were almost a handful and I my face started to look androgynous. I soon had my SRS and almost a year later, my breasts are more than a handful. I cannot hide the girls anymore, nor do I want to.

For me, presenting as a petite young lady is impossible. I am almost 6 feet tall and I am 67 years old. I accept myself as I am, but at the same time, I am slowing improving my appearance.

Everyone has their own priorities when it comes to transition. Some ladies put appearance as their first goal. For myself it was weight loss. We all have to do so many things at the same time. Just let it happen and I am happy I did.