Can you have gender dysphoria and not understand gender/not care about gender ro

[dmj23]

I'm intersex if that makes any difference. I have some things that seem similar to gender dysphoria but other things not so much. I like to dress up. I never rejected being female and didn't mind being called female pronouns and wearing dresses when I was a kid. That had nothing to do with anything to me. I was always more like my male peer than women or when I was younger girls. But I never really cared what I wore or what people called me. And in a sense when I look at myself I see a woman I just never identified with that. When I was 12 I realized I wanted to grow up to be a man and wanted to just be a guy 100% or close to it. I was always disgusted withgenitals I thought they looked weird I also thought my boobs looked weird didn't like them at all until I got more attention for them. I also did experience isolation from females children when I was a child but that was a two fold thing I never did socialize well with girls and I was in puberty and looked very old and weird because I looked old but acted like an 8 year old etc... But yeah like how I socialize and how I preferred to look I do experience dysphoria in that sense but I wear make up high heels and a dress if my job requires it and have only the issue that high heels hurt. I generally wear make up and stuff. But does this sound like dysphoria or just more a side effect of being intersex? Can you be intersex and have gender dysphoria?

[Dena]

The short answer is yes. The long answer is there are three items in development, gender identity, sexual preference and physical appearance. Sexual preference doesn't enter into this discussion but if gender identity and physical appearance are out of sync, you will experienced dysphoria. This is why intersex is included under the transgender umbrella as surgical correction can be required by intersex people to bring their body into alignment with their gender identity. Like the rest of the transgender family, you could have body dysphoria, social dysphoria or both.

[Janes Groove]

I'm not an expert, but it would seem to me that if socially you present as a woman, but feel distress because you want to present as a man in society, then it doesn't matter if you are cis, or intersex. It's a disconnect between how you feel inside as a person with the gender you actually present to the world.

[dmj23]

The short answer is yes. The long answer is there are three items in development, gender identity, sexual preference and physical appearance. Sexual preference doesn't enter into this discussion but if gender identity and physical appearance are out of sync, you will experienced dysphoria. This is why intersex is included under the transgender umbrella as surgical correction can be required by intersex people to bring their body into alignment with their gender identity. Like the rest of the transgender family, you could have body dysphoria, social dysphoria or both.

I don't have social dysphoria and not sure I have physical dysphoria. I don't really care about what I am expected to wear as a man or woman. More I kind of disconnect and go with what fits her even if I don't identify as female myself. Its like getting some other woman dressed up. But I don't feel like any clothing are wrong for me to wear either way just more what looks best.

My only issue is like that I wanted to have male parts genitalia genetically sexual productively phenptypically and mentally of course but like I like wearing make up and clothing that fit my body that compliment how I look. But I would prefer to be male. And I don't think being female is bad I've chosen to be female because I think its better than being neither male or female and I feel like I put my standards so high I can't settle and I don't think I'd ever see myself as a man physically. Because of technology being not advanced. I read on here how people say dysphoria makes them feel I don't feel terrible about being female I just always thought being male was what I could have been and I think I'd have been a better guy than a girl. For me orientation I always felt bad about feeling as though I'm gay. Feeling as though I'm really a man who likes men because that's kind of the worst subset to be if youre lgbt to be intersex to this extent with a minority identity I looked up stuff about gay transmen when I was a kid and I felt like it wasn't for me. I would have too many issues. And I'm not very open minded when it comes to that so I'd be probably happier alone. Something I've never wanted to be. I'd rather actually be with a guy that beats me than alone forever if given the choice. But yeah....

[AnxietyDisord3r]

From what I've read from intersex people a lot of time they don't suffer physical dysphoria in the same way that non intersex trans people do, but that doesn't mean that you might not want to transition. It sounds like you have thoughts about being a man a lot. You could always take hormones and socially transition. It also seems like you have fears of what will happen if you transition because of your "original plumbing". To that, I would just suggest seeking out gay trans men now. I think the scene has changed a bit and there are more men out there who understand what trans is and are open minded. You certainly would not have to accept being beaten by a partner so as not to be alone. There are gay men writing about what it's like to be dating trans men who haven't had bottom surgery. You might also consider dating a bi/pan man.

[dmj23]

I'm not an expert, but it would seem to me that if socially you present as a woman, but feel distress because you want to present as a man in society, then it doesn't matter if you are cis, or intersex. It's a disconnect between how you feel inside as a person with the gender you actually present to the world.

That's the thing I don't want to really present as a man. Like I don't have a deep ceded desire to. I don't really understand gender and much of my own perception is rooted in sex. If I didn't have swyer's syndrome (the intersex condition I have) I'd be a guy with an extra x chromosome and would look predominantly male. I wouldn't have to present by doing anything that would be assumed. More that's my problem wanting to just have that without the presentation mandatory in my existence basically. I don't understand gender and am not even attracted to the male gender. I only really understand sex when it comes to my gender identity and sexuality really.

[Elis]

You sound like you could be an non binary who feels more comfortable in a typical male body than a females. You saying you don't understand gender could mean you're agender. Or you could be someone who feels mostly female but also another gender identity  (a demigirl)

[dmj23]

From what I've read from intersex people a lot of time they don't suffer physical dysphoria in the same way that non intersex trans people do, but that doesn't mean that you might not want to transition. It sounds like you have thoughts about being a man a lot. You could always take hormones and socially transition. It also seems like you have fears of what will happen if you transition because of your "original plumbing". To that, I would just suggest seeking out gay trans men now. I think the scene has changed a bit and there are more men out there who understand what trans is and are open minded. You certainly would not have to accept being beaten by a partner so as not to be alone. There are gay men writing about what it's like to be dating trans men who haven't had bottom surgery. You might also consider dating a bi/pan man.

I would rather transition if I didn't fail to feel like I fixed the problem. Like I said the major component to my dysphoria is that I want it basically all or close to it if like I tried to transition and for on hormones which could help and the final solution being bottom surgery I wouldn't be enough for myself to see myself as male. And I wouldn't see myself as a woman and if I were in between like that I'd really have deep ceded issues with where I am on a female to male level. Overall I used to fantasize about getting the operations to transform completely to have a male sex or close to it when I was like 12 and 13 before I really knew what surgery's and treatments were available then when I found out I was scared it wouldn't be enough so I tried to accept being a woman bit I will always feel less than comfortable in a woman's body. Which is annoying


You're right about the latter. When I first considered coping out I read a book about a day transman who was pretty lonely and couldn't find a man for h because he was trans and I worded that if I went that route the she way happen to me too

[dmj23]

You sound like you could be an non binary who feels more comfortable in a typical male body than a females. You saying you don't understand gender could mean you're agender. Or you could be someone who feels mostly female but also another gender identity  (a demigirl)

I don't need any of that to feel like a man. That is just social expectations validations and traditions they vary from country to country. I'm
I don't understand that concept of being a man but I have always known in a normal situation I'd just look like a guy basically

[Elis]

I don't need any of that to feel like a man. That is just social expectations validations and traditions they vary from country to country. I'm
I don't understand that concept of being a man but I have always known in a normal situation I'd just look like a guy basically

Sorry I didn't mean it like that; I understand social expectations doesn't have any bearing on gender identity. I was simply using my own experience as someone who doesn't understand the concept or feeling of gender and so identify as agender. But also feel more comfortable in a typical male body.

[dmj23]

There was no offense I was just saying my dysphoria was more over sex than roles. Like I don't mind presenting as a woman in reality I feel that's the only thing I can do because presenting as man doesn't register as a man to me. Because to me traditional attire is dependent on what society says is acceptable. For me my problem isn't how society sees me as a woman my issue is me and how I look to be female. More than anything.

Sorry I didn't mean it like that; I understand social expectations doesn't have any bearing on gender identity. I was simply using my own experience as someone who doesn't understand the concept or feeling of gender and so identify as agender. But also feel more comfortable in a typical male body.