What would your end of life advice be? Not a morbid topic!

[Cindy]

I enjoyed reading an essay that included comments from people who were living in palliative care. That is people who are terminally ill and are cared for with excellent clinical and psychological support for the period to when their life will end. The facilities I know of support as much comfort and dignity as possible in a country where euthanasia is not legal (an opinion I utterly oppose).

While gender issues were not discussed in the report, and I'm thinking of contacting the author to ask if it was. There were many issues that I read that maybe of interest to the people here.

I will make general statements and not paste and copy.

I wish I had spent more time with my family.
I wish I hadn't worried over things that didn't matter.
I wish I had just gone head and carried out the idea I was thinking about instead of worrying about it. This mainly referred to job opportunities.
I wish I had not listened to what people though about me.

The tone was the same throughout. The tone of self determination was the absolute that the people 'wished' that they had followed.

There was also an implied but not followed through concept, that the opinion that other people had into how an individual lived their life was highly important. However at the end of life the realisation  that anyone else's opinion of what you had done was seen as utterly irrelevant. Paying attention to it was listed as an error in the person's quality of life.

Of course these comments and concepts are often discussed on the Forum in our own lives. I see them every day and I see those who decide on self determination and those who do not. Both ways are of course perfect for any given person.

However such an essay may allow us to look at our own situations in a new way.

Think about you in palliative care and I hope it never occurs!  How would you reflect on your life and decisions?

[AnonyMs]

Cindy, this post of yours always sticks in my mind.

A strange but lovely meeting - I ended up crying so triggers
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=189165.15

[Cindy]

I think of her often.

She has passed over. I think of her.


No one knows in her family as far as I know.

One day I will see a post.....my grandfather was a bit odd and.....................


Love to you and be strong hon.

Cindy

[ghostbees]

Mine would be: I wished I spoke out about the abuse when I was a child, I wish I could have told my dad I was his son and spent more time with him & my mum, I wished I was a better person, I wished I could've figured out I was trans earlier, I wish I never took so many overdoses, I wish I could have gotten a job in the police force


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[Nina_Ottawa]

I've told many a person, I believe life is a balance between blessings and burdens.
Some people seem to have all the luck, while others can't catch a break.
I've always believed that being trans was never a burden.
In fact, I believe it's a blessing from God...a test.
How would I handle this challenge?
Would I blame someone for being made this way, or accept who I am, and strive to overcome.

The real regret is I didn't act on these feelings and transition earlier in life, but maybe, just maybe I wasn't ready.

[Asche]

I've thought about this, and you know?  I think that, at each stage in my life, I did the best I could have under the circumstances at the time.

And, actually, I think it's less due to any perspicacity on my part and more due to my nature: I'm really lousy at turning myself into what other people expect me to be.  So my path has always been more or less guided by my inner nature, my "inner voice," because I simply couldn't follow other people's directions.  And however confused things may have been at the time, when I look back on my life, I have the impression that my steps have been guided by someone who is a lot wiser than myself and has my best interests at heart.

As I've gotten older, especially since I decided 15 years ago to try to be myself, I've gotten better at listening to my inner voice and trusting that it will lead me where I need to go.  I think it waited until conditions got safe enough in the USA and my part of it before letting me be aware that I am trans.  It gave me plenty of warning that I was going to transition.  It told me that it was safe to come out to my pastor; I guess it knew better than I how supportive she and the congregation would be.  It told me when to come out to a coworker and to my boss and HR.

But even before, when I was still agonizing over whether I was a good person, a good husband, a good employee, a good father (well, I still agonize over whether I'm a good parent), still at every juncture in my life my choices would slowly clarify as if a fog were lifting, and I would see how some would lead to life and some would lead to just marking time  until death, and since I didn't want to die, I'd choose one of the "to life" ones.  My inner voice was looking out for me even then.  Even in the Hell of my childhood, when I could not see how I could stand another day of that life, something told me: hold on, just hold on.  When you're 18, you'll be able to get out and things will be a lot better.  (Not that I had much choice -- I was too scared of death to kill myself.)

I don't know what the future will bring, but I've learned not to worry too much about what I can't see to do anything about.  I have this warm sense of trust that my inner voice will lead me the right way (or a right way), and when it comes time for me to breathe my last, my inner voice will be with me to tell me: you've done good, it's time to let go.

[SadieBlake]

I would echo more or less what Asche said so eloquently.

My take has been if i would change what I'm doing due to onset of fatal illness then I'm doing the wrong things.