Need Helpful Advice (FTM acceptance and passing)

[QuentinE]

On The Topic Of Acceptance...

I came out as FTM in my high school years, but seeing as I was under my mother's roof, I hadn't the freedom to express myself. Now I am out, but my mother is hard core with her one way belief of I am wrong and need to change myself to resist the "temptations" of Satan. It hurts me deeply and I struggle with accepting myself as either gender- female because of dysphoria, and male because my entire family believes it is wrong. (and constantly tells me so.)

Ever since a small child I insisted my mother had hid my "parts" from me, and always strayed over to male clothing. Nothing has changed since then... Yet I feel crushed to want to express myself the way I am personally comfortable. My family constantly tells me that I was "cuter" before, that I make an ugly boy, and that they wish they could save me... They went as far as gifting me girly clothes, and buying me things I've told them I will never wear, (in hopes they could persuade me.)

I don't want to feel wrong no matter what I do... It's affected my life for as long as I could remember... My mother even forced me to wear make up throughout school years, and still does now (if we're to go out in public.) If I dont, she is sure to remain sour the entire time...

I don't want to have to hide myself from my family... I also don't want family that wants me to, either.

They refuse to use my pronouns, and constantly call me by my birth name, and when I talk about how I feel, they always shut me down..

On The Topic Of Passing

I like my longer hair. (It's so far only to my shoulders.) But I feel pressured to have to cut my hair to pass. But if I do, being a bigger person, my chest seems to stick out more. (Personal opinion I guess.) Plus, I am infatuated with the longer hair look, and want to keep it growing.

I have been using a series of regular bra and three sports bras to compress my DD breasts... It works a bit, but not as near enough as I want. I currently have ordered a tank binder, nude color, from gc2b. I hope it fits well, and I'm super psyched.

I know I have a baby face, with my cheeks being more on the chubbier side than the masculine side, and my short stature does not help either. (I'm pushing 5 ft.) Though I wear creepers and boots most often, and that helps to add more height. I'm rather on the chubby side overall, and that doesnt help my feminine looks. I do fill my brows a bit, and that helps a lot.

PHOTOS

1. http://i1160.photobucket.com/albums/q485/quentincouvillion/unnamed_zpss8sgtutd.jpg

2. http://i1160.photobucket.com/albums/q485/quentincouvillion/dsvf_zpsha7fu7zx.jpg

3. http://i1160.photobucket.com/albums/q485/quentincouvillion/def_zpsyuyilfro.jpg


Final Conclusion

Sorry for the long post... I'm just really stressed and happy to have come across a site I can get help from. Please leave some tips for me on what you think I should do, or what will help me pass!

Thanks in advance!
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[Elis]

Your parents sound emotionally abusive and possible narcissists. It's all about them, they own you and you need to live up to an impossible srandard. From somebody with a parent like this it takes a toll on your mental health. Is there someone at your school you can talk too? Is there somewhere else you can go? Maybe look up LGBT charities in your area to get advice.

You look like a cute boy in all your pics . And I also have a gc2b and it's an amazing binder. Unfortunately I ordered the wrong size but it was a simole and quick process to exchange it.

Just remember gender dysphoria is a recognised health problem, there's nothing wrong with you, your feelings are genuine and valid

[QuentinE]

I remember when my mother came to visit me in the hospital, and they had told her the same things... They remained on my side (the docs) but unfortunately my family didnt take their advice. I graduated a few years back, though. My partner insists they support me but I just feel an odd sense of guilt towards them...

I've been living as a woman, doing my makeup, and everyone knows and sees me that way. I want that to change but I also am terrified of losing certain people... I'm just starting to feeling up to keeping up my male image. (Few years back I threw out all my clothes and everything else bc of not passing and family issues.)

I have to start a whole new collection in able to dress and attempt to pass everyday...

Thank you for your kind words.

[WolfNightV4X1]

Oh dang,

first off, you already make an attractive boy, dont let your mom get you down. Im already enamored with that handsome face :3c

Secondly, a lot of what youve gone through sounds exactly what Ive gone through. I know what its like to feel inbetween because being a girl feels awful but your family says being a boy is wrong. I know how stressful it is to be gifted and forced into feminine traits. I know how insulting it is for mothers to want little girls in someone who is a boy, and insists you wont look good if you arent, before I was 'out' my own mother said to me "boys wont like you if you dont start looking feminine"...I said nothing, but inside I was dumbfounded and was thinking I could care less what they think, as if I dressed up or acted for mates regardless. You're not alone.


If your out of your families grip you can relax a bit, dress more to your flavor, and be on your way to transition. If you like long hair thats fine, though in the beginning stages without the facial features and voice that may hinder you, I suggest male makeup facial contouring and practicing lower your voice pre-T

Best of luck dude, dont give in or get discouraged by people

[QuentinE]

Oh dang,

first off, you already make an attractive boy, dont let your mom get you down. Im already enamored with that handsome face :3c

Secondly, a lot of what youve gone through sounds exactly what Ive gone through. I know what its like to feel inbetween because being a girl feels awful but your family says being a boy is wrong. I know how stressful it is to be gifted and forced into feminine traits. I know how insulting it is for mothers to want little girls in someone who is a boy, and insists you wont look good if you arent, before I was 'out' my own mother said to me "boys wont like you if you dont start looking feminine"...I said nothing, but inside I was dumbfounded and was thinking I could care less what they think, as if I dressed up or acted for mates regardless. You're not alone.


If your out of your families grip you can relax a bit, dress more to your flavor, and be on your way to transition. If you like long hair thats fine, though in the beginning stages without the facial features and voice that may hinder you, I suggest male makeup facial contouring and practicing lower your voice pre-T

Best of luck dude, dont give in or get discouraged by people

Thank you so much.. words alone help so much... ❤️

[TransAm]

Losing people is just the sad reality of transitioning. Though not necessarily guaranteed, it's pretty common.
Your family sounds currently unwilling to accept you as who you are and that's an awful thing to go through. But if you're miserable (and it sounds like you have been for quite some time) you have to get to the point where you take your life into your own hands. Your family may never agree with your decisions but you have to do what's right for you, regardless of what that may be. Dysphoria, once present, doesn't ever fully go away. It waxes and wanes situationally, but it's always going to be hanging over your head in some form or another.
What you're going through -is- legitimate and you -are- worthy of existing as yourself. It's hard to believe those things when everyone around you seems to disregard your situation, but those truths are something you should try and remind yourself every day.
You may lose some of your family. You may even lose some of your friends.
You will, however, find yourself.

Onto the physical aspects:

- You're actually doing quite well as far as binding goes considering what you're working with. The binder will be a lot more comfortable than layering sports bras, but yeah... rest assured that you're getting pretty flat as it stands.

- The glasses are not working in my opinion. Their extremely large size makes your face and features look smaller and more delicate by comparison. I don't know if you need glasses (I only say that because I know some people wear them for the look), but if so, I'd look into getting smaller more squared off frames. Without glasses, your features aren't particularly feminine (your nose and eyebrows are great), but they just get hidden and overshadowed behind those current frames.

- Okay, I'll be honest with you: The hair color doesn't help things. Dyed hair in general is a tricky business when trying to pass but ultra unnatural colors make it even more difficult. Don't get me wrong, it looks cool, it's just not currently doing you any favors. So yeah, the length of the hair isn't so much the issue as the color.
That being said, I hate to put a damper on forms of uniquity for the sole purpose of 'passing', so if you genuinely like it, don't change it.

- I, too, struggled with excess weight prior to starting testosterone. It fluffed up a lot of areas I didn't want to embellish (namely the hips, face, chest and thighs). I know how the cycle goes: You want to lose weight but you struggle to find motivation because you're stuck in a body that doesn't feel like it's yours. It blows.
All I can suggest is that you give it a decent shot. Change up a couple routines, cut out relatively easy things to cut out (soda or something similar would be a good start) and just see how it goes.

On a relatively unrelated side note, the way your tattoo pokes out of the top of your shirt is cool as ****.

[FTMax]

You may lose some of your family. You may even lose some of your friends.
You will, however, find yourself.

This x1000

On the physical stuff:

The advice given on an FTM Mentor group I'm a part of recently on the topic of passing is that early on people may need to make concessions in the area of appearance and fashion choices in order to pass consistently. So it really comes down to what is more important to you - maintaining your look or passing. There are plenty of guys who pass with long hair, but often times it takes a few years on T for them to reach that point.

IMO, weight loss helps people pass better. If you were to go on T, testosterone converts to estrogen in fat cells. So with weight loss, you'd see a lower conversion rate, better/more consistent masculinization, etc. But there are obviously bigger guys out there that pass. So if you're comfortable how you are, don't necessarily focus on changing your weight since that's usually a big struggle for everyone.

I also don't think your hair color or glasses are doing you any favors, but I think overall your face passes. Even at the length your current hair is and styled the way it is, I think you could pass but I don't know if you can pass with that color.