Those everyday mundane encounters you can't avoid

[Kylo]

What's people's experiences with everyday situations transition from female to male when the visible signs start? Particularly when it means encountering people you don't really "know", but that see you often enough to say hello or make some small talk etc.

I'm talking things like, going to your usual store, post office, work, etc.

My voice has dropped a lot and it's on the verge of sounding "odd" to people, I'm sure. Someone asked me if I had a cold yesterday. I just said no, my voice was breaking and laughed a bit. I guess they assumed I was joking.

I'm wondering whether anyone felt the need to lie to these people or if they were ok with it, if they asked questions, etc. Anyone have a good/bad experience that really stood out?

I just don't really care to lie about it, I mean I'm tired of feeling like I'm usually covering "for myself". In the past I used to avoid wanting to speak to random people I would see again and again as it would mean they would slowly ask me more and more questions and get to know more about me. I'm cool with talking to people I know I'll never see again. But once you have that situation where you're bound to see them again, and you're not really sure you even like the person but have to interact, it adds more layers of complexity to the situation.

I'm kind of torn on the idea of not lying because they'll know soon enough anyway when it becomes impossible to conceal, but at the same time I'm not up for volunteering information about me and transition. Know what I mean?

[TransAm]

Do you happen to live in a small town? It was fairly easy to just sort of blend into the background where I'm living (Saint Paul) so I didn't quite encounter the issues you're having save for a couple people.

I think you'll find that most of those people are aware of you on such a superficial level that they'll just shrug it off after the initial impact of finding out. With shallow acquaintances, I'd just not bother saying anything unless they come out and ask you directly, at which point I'd give them a simple "I'm transitioning into a male" response. They'll either avoid you or be cool with it from then on out. If you treat it like a non-event, they will too in the vast majority of cases.

If they want more details (I highly, highly doubt this will be the case), tell them you're uncomfortable discussing it and leave it at that.

Another option for you would be to change up your routine and go to different places to shop and conduct business for the next few months. This won't be possible for work situations, obviously, but it would lessen your overall encounters.

[Kylo]

Do you happen to live in a small town?

Yeah. More like a large village than a small town even. One of those places where most people know most other people. Except me, I'm an outsider.

Another option for you would be to change up your routine and go to different places to shop and conduct business for the next few months. This won't be possible for work situations, obviously, but it would lessen your overall encounters.

Well I work for myself so at least I don't have the coworkers potential issue. But going elsewhere isn't an option and there's only one of anything in the area.

If I were back in the city I grew up in, I still think it's an issue a person would encounter as you'd really have to go out of your way to shop in different places constantly I suppose.

[FTMax]

I do consulting work and when I first started T I was doing more face-to-face work than I'm doing now, but I had a full client load so I'd only see people once a week at most. Almost everyone thought I had a cold for a few months before I changed my name. Never seemed to click for them that I was constantly "sick". After I sent everyone an email with my updated name and email address, it clicked.

I never really said anything about it to them. They'd be like "Wow you sound like you've got a cold!", to which I'd reply "Uh huh." Because they were not wrong. I did sound that way. I don't think anyone has been offended that I didn't tell them the truth right off the bat.

[Kylo]

Today the same thing - Parcelforce lady delivering some stuff was like "that sounds like a nasty cold". Oh man this is gonna get old real fast, lol.

I already sound pretty rough... or maybe gruff/cracked is the word. I wonder if that will resolve or will it keep getting deeper and lower. It seems like my voice is louder somehow without effort, like it's coming from somewhere else, deeper, even though it's coming from the same place technically. But it also sounds like a voice that hasn't been used in years, like I need to learn to speak over again or something. When I laugh it sounds louder for sure, for the same amount of energy.

On the topic of voices, last year when I was looking into it I saw some comment that "a lot of trans men have tinny, teenaged voices" and the videos I found online seemed to reflect that. But looking through a few more of them recently and I've found videos where transmen speak and many of their voices are indistinguishable from a regular male voice. Some of them are pretty damn deep voiced. That's hopeful news I guess. Perhaps I will be one of them.