Frustrated with living in a binary world

[Katelyn]

I can't help it but many times I just feel so frustrated that I can't fit into either gender.  I hate to be in the male gender but I'm too masculine and too much raised as male to be with women, nonetheless am totally alien in some things as not to feel like I can be female.  I can't tell my issues to guys and women will think I'm crazy and find the nearest exit.  I end up feeling like I can't fit into either gender and life is just passing me by because everyone else at least has the chance to make friends with anyone and meet people to come together to take advantage of business opportunities or network for career opportunities, and find someone to love.  Thus, everyone else has a much bigger chance to be successful at life and not me.  I'm now trying to fend off depression, but it is hard at times.  I am stuck in between the genders and I so many times feel like there's no way out for me. 

[SailorMars1994]

OMG been here before! inbox me sometime you

[popa910]

I can't offer any advice, but I'd like to offer my sympathy.  I've also always felt that I never really fit in, although I don't know how much of this has to do with gender-related stuff.  It can be extremely lonely; I wish you the best!

[Sno]

Hi Katelyn,

Welcome to the outside. It's a place where we see the struggle with the rules. The moment we see the struggle on both sides, we know we are not either. That places us in the position of just being ourselves - no role models, no charicatures, no examples and faintly marked pathways. You will be successful, because you have to lead yourself, and the population likes to follow.

As a fellow alien, there are more of us than at first appears.

Rowan

[Mikka55]

Welcome to my world, I too am struggling.  Most days I feel female on the inside, and sometimes I hear this stupid voice in me and question me is this truly who you are?  For the most part I am still mostly male looking, but I am trying to find ways so I can pass as a female too.  As much as I want to I find it really hard to come out in public and be me.  Yes I may look male but deep inside I really feel female.  For now I'm trying a more neutral approach, so I can switch when I want to.  I may get looks, but if that's truly who I am and makes me happy, I have to do it at some point.  Because that is the true me.  Good luck

[Katelyn]

So much for me having some hope in the future...

[Raell]

Well, at least you can comfort yourself that most high IQ, creative people are androgynous, or mixed gender.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/creative-mind/2011/02/the-complexity-of-the-creative-personality/

I certainly am.
This afternoon I was blindsided when a close family member I'd thought understood that I'm non-binary, and partially transmale, went off on me and told me it was all my imagination, that it's just personality problems, that there's no such thing as transgender, but just negative people making up problems.

When I tried to argue, the person started screaming at me, then when I told her to stop screaming at me, she denied she'd even said it and said I was crazy. I was shocked and hung up, but then the person began messaging me and acting like nothing had happened.

I remembered that before I found some herbs to help blend my male and female personalities, I couldn't remember what I had said while in male mode after I had switched to female mode, and vice versa, and I also thought everyone else was crazy and making things up. It seemed to me that the person who flipped out on me might be dual gender also and really didn't remember what she'd just said.
After all, she is a successful artist, so is creative, and definitely high IQ.

[kellb]

I'll simply add my voice to the chorus.  YES!  This is frustrating - and so much of it is internalised so we feel like we're doing wrong by not conforming.  I had a mild anxiety attack yesterday because I went walking in shorts for the first time since shaving my (very very hairy) legs.  It wasn't that people looked or commented or even noticed (from what I can tell), but just that I felt the weight of expectations bearing down on me and it make me terribly uncomfortable.

I totally get the feeling of being too male to ever be accepted... but in time I've softened on that stance.  Why not explore yourself and see where it can take you?

[JillianC]

I'm here too!  I've been struggling with gender identity issues all my life.  I don't fit in the world as a male, I tried and failed epically.  However, I don't see myself transitioning to a female even though I have body dysphoria.  My problem is I fit under several different identities and some of those conflict with each other.  I had been trying to find a blanket identity that fits me the closest but could never find one that made me comfortable.  My new thinking is to stop trying to find that identity and just let them exist as they are.  Which puts me squarely in the "frustrated with living in a binary world" camp. 

[Rikigirl]

Hi Katelyn,

I really relate well to you, and many other responses hence my Queer classification! I am sure you have felt jealous that some people with gender disphoria have a solution, full transition, but we just don't have a finish line! When I get there I will be happy. We just don't have a "there", but in my case my body and genital disphoria work against my male born body and push me to change it all to female. Trouble is that I am not sure female social transition would work for me as I have too many years having that side of me quashed by a father who could not accept his son being feminine in anyway. No fun feeling like a freak when it gets you down!

Riki

[SailorMars1994]

Riki, may i ask ... how did you push your femme side down and what did you then do to let her be reborn?

[Rikigirl]

Riki, may i ask ... how did you push your femme side down and what did you then do to let her be reborn?

Hi SailorMars,

That's a tough but good question! I let her free and after about 6 months I find my body is becoming so feminine on HRT that it's difficult to pass as male in work, business and social situations, especially in summer when it gets hot and we wear less clothing! I go off HRT and my body slowly masculinises back enough to pass, and my genital sexual relationship with my female partner comes back (which she loves) until the body disphoria gets worse and worse, and I start HRT again. This is my terrible cycle, but I am finding I don't care as much about passing as I did in the past. I suppose she is slowly winning but I don't think I could ever fully transition. Who knows what will happen?

What happens for you?

Riki

[SailorMars1994]

Omg ok cool, mind if i inbox message you sometime ?

[MxEnby]

It annoys me too. For a bit of background before I start: I'm not out to my mother yet but I think she has an inkling I may come out. She keeps wanting me to be this girly girl when she knows damn well I lean masculine. Whenever I see a male piece of clothing I like she goes "MxEnby, that's a man's shirt! It won't fit your shape! You'll look ridiculous!" I have tried men's shirts before and they do if they are of a certain size. She knows that too. 

[Rikigirl]

Omg ok cool, mind if i inbox message you sometime ?

Hi SailorMars,

No problem!

Hugs Riki

[Mariah]

The best thing you can do is think about you and no body else. When the right person comes along, they won't issue have an issue with any of that because they will allow you to be you. Took me tell I was almost 39 to find the right person. Be patient and be you. Everything else will fall in place on its own. There is no need to try to fit in to any gender. I probably went over board with fit in with a gender when I started. Now I'm probably much more of a tomboy than anything else. Anyways be yourself and let that sing and things will happen. hugs
Mariah

I can't help it but many times I just feel so frustrated that I can't fit into either gender.  I hate to be in the male gender but I'm too masculine and too much raised as male to be with women, nonetheless am totally alien in some things as not to feel like I can be female.  I can't tell my issues to guys and women will think I'm crazy and find the nearest exit.  I end up feeling like I can't fit into either gender and life is just passing me by because everyone else at least has the chance to make friends with anyone and meet people to come together to take advantage of business opportunities or network for career opportunities, and find someone to love.  Thus, everyone else has a much bigger chance to be successful at life and not me.  I'm now trying to fend off depression, but it is hard at times.  I am stuck in between the genders and I so many times feel like there's no way out for me.

[Satinjoy]

I work as a male androgyne.

When I dance i have a very unique way about me.

It is lonely, it does fly in the face of social expectations.  But its worth it.

I would rather be accepted by only a few, who like me as I am, than by manny for being the classic man or woman.

I dont do stereotype.  I do pretty, and i do cool, and i do different.

It becomes exciting, as you own who you are, and live your truth.  But the sense of being different never leaves me.

Thats not a bad thing.

Different, but loved.

I like that.

[Ubiq]

It's insanely frustrating but keep hanging on and stick to any communities you can find for support! Fortunately the NB group is steadily becoming more and more known to the world.