Annoyed with Crossdressing

[Snidi]

I have worn girls clothes:   but I actually don't want to be doing it.   So why does it give me relief?   I'd want nothing more than to just be able to be a normal guy, without any temptation of dressing/feeling like a girl.    These temptations are annoying me....

What can I do?

[Michelle_P]

I tried this, with the aid of testosterone shots, and the wise counsel of a parish priest.  The breakdown when it came undone was spectacular, as I prepared to suck on a car exhaust with a tummy full of pills.

Treatment without the aid of a competent care provider may not end well. 

Treatment WITH a competent care provider such as a therapist and possible medical support will help you resolve these issues, including your desires, urges, wants., and needs.  That is easily the best route you can choose.  A competent therapist isn't going to tell you what you are or aren't.  They'll guide you in clarifying your thinking and exploring your feelings and desires, helping you to resolve these issues.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[HappyMoni]

Snidi,

I hated cross dressing when I did it in guy mode. It was such a mental battle between the male and female urges. It can make you feel so guilty and ashamed. Unfortunately, the desire doesn't seem to leave and many times increases with age. My only escape happened when I realized I was transgender. I never thought I was. I am not saying that is your path. It probably would help to talk to someone. It is self destructive to hold it all inside yourself.

Monica

[LizK]

For many years after each time I cross dressed I would get so upset when I had to change and then get brutal with myself for feeling that way...Get yourself someone to talk to who you can trust and preferably be at ease with. Maybe even a therapist...they may be able to help you work your way through these feelings

Good Luck
Liz

[Janes Groove]

So why does it give me relief?   What can I do?

Let me answer your question with another question. What is is specifically that has you so wrought regarding crossdressing?   Religious objections/fears? Worry about what other males will think of you?  Worry about what your family will think?  The nagging feeling deep inside that there is something wrong with being a woman(even a natal woman)?

[JayceeTG]

My interests in dressing up go up and down, one week its all I ever want to do and I love to wear panties with a garter belt and stockings and a bra with breast forms and then the next week I just wear my boring old male underwear and don't even dress up. I think that I am more than just a cross dresser and think that I am Transgender but it seems like as I get older that its just easier to bottle up my feelings and not deal with them and perhaps cross dressing is just the way that I will always be and do it when I feel like doing it. I say just embrace it and do it when you want to do it and don't feel guilty if you don't.

[Lyric]

"What can I do?"

You can learn to like yourself, for one thing. The structure of your mind, your inner self, your "soul" as it were is as much a part of who you are as your arms and legs are. Some things we can change, but others we must find a way to live with.

Fighting yourself is only going to make things worse. But you don't have to go all the other way, either, if you want. Examine your desires in detail. Make lists. What, specifically about women's clothes do you like and what do you like the least? You've got options. There are many ways to deal with this. You could dress androgynously or just wearing skirts around the house. Or maybe the total immersion thing is for you.

Yes, life might be easier if you were more like the people you consider "normal". Trying to be someone you are not is even more difficult, though. In my experience most people who seem "normal" are just hiding their inner selves in order to fit in, anyway. I gave up trying to be normal decades ago and I've never regretted it.

[vicki_sixx]

I have worn girls clothes:   but I actually don't want to be doing it. 

Why not?
As you know, they are so much more fun than men's clothes. More styles, more coice, more colours. Softer, sleeker ,sexier, nicer to the touch, luxurious on the skin. The figure-hugging and the revealing aspects of outfits makes you feel sexy and desirable in a way that men's clothes (and their lack of augmentation and exposure) never can.

In short - they make you feel good and harms no-other being. They make you feeel alive and free and sexual and sensual and pretty and beautiful and relaxed and flattering in a way men's 'cover-up-all-but-lower-legs can't.

So why do you not want to do what makes you feel good?

It is a serious question - why would you want to stop what feels so good and which negatively impacts no human or creature? You will struggle to answer it - because it's not normal to want to stop what feels good and which harms no one.

So why does it give me relief? 

Who knows? We've all racked our brains as to why and all we do is ensure we lose time we will never get back pondering what is, ultimately, moot. Why do I like burgers? Knowing is not going to have any meaningful impact on my life or alter my predilection for them.

But to answer, it could be for any number of reaons, the most common IMO are:
* An escape from the drudgery of being 'a man'.
* An escape from the drudgery of day-to-day life.
* An escape from the pressures and expectations of being 'a man'.
* An escape from the socio-behavioural norms of being 'a man' - becoming the chased rather than the ->-bleeped-<- etc.
* A chance to indulge in your taste for colours, styles and patterns beyond the limitations imposed by society. After all, why should you not like pink? It's just a colour. Furthermore, pink used to be considered a male colour.
* Tapping into your sexuality and sensuality - not necessarily in a homosexual way but simply being in tune with your desires to feel sexual, to feel sexy, to be soft, to be demure, to smell nice, to feel desirable and desired.

All of these are nothing to be ashamed of but are actually proof of us acknowledging our full nature and possibilitiies. It's not being tied to limiting conventions just because society said so. It's being fully-aware and three-dimensional. After all, you'd soon grow tired of eating the same five meals for the rest of your life so why be satisfied having to act a certain way (or not act a certain way such as crying)? Why be fulfilled wearing black jeans or blue jeans, devoid of decoration or colour for the rest of your life? Why be satiated being limited to a few muted colours and styles whilst women get to enjoy both pink and black, both jeans and skirts, both trainers and heels?

But by far the biggest reason, IMO, is that, for me, all trans (unless it's for sexual humiliation reasons) is a form of gender dysphoria and I don't think it's a coincidence that so many affirmed crossdressers end up transitioning later in life - after coming to terms with the truth that no, it's not just a fetish or hobby. Not all GD is of the same strength in everybody - some are more GD than others - and many  are blinded by denial or fear and priorities (such as a young family) but I honestly believe it's all gender dysphoria and even the bi-monthly indulgee is feeding that dysphoria that slowly builds day by day.

I'd want nothing more than to just be able to be a normal guy, without any temptation of dressing/feeling like a girl.

Why?
Seriously, why?

How will your life be any better? How will it be any richer?
How will you be able to relate to women better if you don't understand the appeal of the femme or of being femme? How can you understand their world if you've never stepped out in it as a woman?

How will your life be better, richer, more attuned if you're i 2-D as opposed to 3-D; if you're in black & white as opposed to colour?

Or to put it another way: why would you want to just be vanilla when you can be vanilla one day but strawberry the next, and chocolate the day after that, then mint?

Saying you wish you didn't have desires, drives and inner alignment with both sexes is like saying I wish I wasn't so clever and had such a wide vocabulary

These temptations are annoying me....

Correction: your worry about how thw wider world sees you is what annoys you. The expected condemnation from people around you is what annoys you. The sense of shame, that you're doing something wrong, is what annoys you.

Placing other people's opinions above yours; giving them control over your lifem is what annoys you.
And so it should.
Because you only get one life.
And it's yours, not theirs.
Their ortgage payments won't suddenly treble just because they find out you like to crossdress.
And many wil be secretly jealous that you've had the 'balls' to reveal it when they're hiding in the closet themselve.

What can I do?

You can panic, worry, stress, get depressed, self-hate, feel a pervert, feel abnoral, feel ashamed.
None of which has any positive impact on your one and only life.
Or has any impact - positive or negative - on anyone else's life.
And which you can ever lecture anyone about the importance of being individual, of not being a sheep, of being true to themselves, of living life to the fullest.

Or you can accept it. Revel in it. Be thankful you're so much more diverse and emotionally/sexually/stylistically open and aware than non-trans men and women.

[BirlPower]

^^^^ All of this. +10 internets.


B

[SueNZ]

For me I love being able to to do both. I wear clothes that fit my mind at night and those that meet my day needs.
I am never satisfied either way especially at night because that time is sooo short.
Once you are conflicted, you are never the same. Just takes some time to find where you fit.
I hope you find your fit. For me I would follow my night mode if I could.
Merry Xmas Snidi.

[Keri]

I have worn girls clothes:   but I actually don't want to be doing it.   So why does it give me relief?   I'd want nothing more than to just be able to be a normal guy, without any temptation of dressing/feeling like a girl.    These temptations are annoying me....

What can I do?

I understand where you are coming from. I also have some uncomfortable feelings about wearing women's clothing. I suppose I should relate my situation to you. I am a man, and I enjoy being a man. I work hard, doing manly jobs, of which I pride myself in. I dress like a cowboy. I have no desire to pass as a woman or to wear women's clothing in public. But when the day's work is done, and I want to relax at home a watch some TV, I can't wait to get out of my jeans and put on something comfortable. Since it's winter now, I like to wear some tights and a sweater dress. In summer I like to slip on a light summer dress.
So how did I get into this situation? Well, I like to go to medieval fairs. There are always guys running around wearing kilts. For a long time I felt that it was just an excuse for some men to wear a skirt. Then one day, I was working at home. It was HOT! I live in the southwest, in the desert. I was very uncomfortable. So I took a pair of old jeans, and cut off the legs making a denim mini skirt, and put it on. WOW! what a difference. I could feel a cool breeze between my legs, and when I walked, the material slid across my legs, it felt sensual. I went over to a lady friend's house with my mini skirt on, and she loved it.
So it got me wondering as to why is it acceptable for women to wear anything they like, including men's type clothing, but not for a man to do the same.
As Vikki-Sixx commented, women's clothing is exciting. So many styles and colors, and feels so good next to the skin.
(and if you're reading this Vikki, wow, you sure are cute! If I had your looks I might be tempted to wear women's clothing in public too. But alas, I look like a guy. I do share some aspects with women, tho'. I have long hair on my head, and very little chest hair or hair on my legs. And even though I enjoy doing my man's work, ( I recently installed a gas line at a friend's house), I enjoy cooking and baking, and I sew my own medieval costumes. I recently made a Lone Ranger shirt, ( like the '50s TV series), something I have always wanted. I have some home-made bread in the oven, right now, and I am making a chocolate kahlua cheese cake, later today.
Am I a freak of nature or am I enjoying a duality of nature?

[vicki_sixx]

Hi Keri, thanks for your kind words. Believe me, out of make up and hair I too look like very much like a guy so if I can femme uo then anyone can

Obvioulsy I don't know you so this is a total blind read but I wonder if your 'no desire to pass as a woman' is borne of your belief that you can't pass, that you're too masculine, that you'll look ridiculous. Though I understand you like to relax at the end of the day in women's clothes because of their comfort factor, it's highly unlikely that there isn't more to your desire to crossdress than that. There'll be the desire to be feminine, I am sure, and that comes from hair and makeup and nails and earrings - as well as compliments from others. Don't mistake job and interests as determinates of gender - men can be makeup artists and women can be electricians. I really hope you allow yourself the freedom to explore your femme side, I am sure you won't regret it.

[josie76]

Snidi, god how I used to feel so terrible after cross dressing. I felt so dirty and ashamed. But while I was dressed I felt so natural, so really me, that I sometimes had a few seconds of a disconnect from my reality. For just a few moments I really was a girl mentally without the shame and trappings or male mentality. Those few moments were the freest my soul had ever been. Of course the flip side when reality came crashing back was a terrible pain, then the shame for cross dressing in the first place came on.

For me those moments of just being myself were such a draw that I would do it again. I would feel anticipation when I knew I had the chance to be home alone. I quit cross dressing in my late teens after my mom caught me but the desire for those moments of freedom never left. I would always look at the women's clothing section as I walked through a store looking for what I would wear if I could. However seeing all the cute clothes I wanted only left me feeling empty. That and the thought that I didn't appear feminine was just depressive.

So for me cross dressing now as an out adult feel just plain natural. I'm sure for some just doing some at home may be all they need to make their disphoria go away. For me I'm on the path to eventual complete transition but oh it is a slow path! I now wear women's jeans just about everywhere but work. So yes right now I'm being noticed as a freak in my small town with my ears pierced, often painted nails, and to be quite honest with close fitting shirts and not an oversized coat on my body looks a lot more feminine. Enough that some people have been taking second glances at me.  When we go into the city I dress in all female clothes. Only once have I worn a wig. I might pass at a distance but right now I don't feel that I do. Although my mother in law and I went to Lowes the other day to get her a few items for her house. I have never had so many workers there ask if we needed help as I did that day. I only had eyeliner on for makeup and my hair is really not long enough to to even get styled nicely in any feminine way.

[Keri]

Hi Keri, thanks for your kind words. Believe me, out of make up and hair I too look like very much like a guy so if I can femme uo then anyone can

Obvioulsy I don't know you so this is a total blind read but I wonder if your 'no desire to pass as a woman' is borne of your belief that you can't pass, that you're too masculine, that you'll look ridiculous.

Hi Vicki! Thanks for your answer. I have given it some thought. At this time, I don't feel I have much need to explore my femme side. I'm still exploring my male side, lol. My girl friend really doesn't care when I wear a skirt, but she doesn't compliment me either. I can't see us "going shopping together", as girls. I am 6' tall 180 lbs, she is 5' tall 110 lbs. And besides, I don't like shopping. When I'm with her and she goes shopping, I wait in the car and listen to music. But I also wouldn't want to go in public alone, I guess it would be more fun with other like minded people. But I don't know any.
I see clothing as a costume. Projecting an image of yourself to the world. I don't want to go out in the world dressed as a woman and say; "this is me", because it's not. Maybe if I was in my twenties, and somewhat shorter . . .but I'm not. Just like with poker, I have to play the cards I'm dealt.
But I enjoy talking with you. I admire your courage and determination.

[Keri]

So Vicki, tell me a little about yourself, if you don't mind. Like, how old are you, how tall, and how and when did you start wearing or trying out feminine clothing?

[Raell]

@Snidi

If you are transgender, the urge to cross-dress will likely only get stronger, and you could find yourself feeling unexplained anger when gendered as male.
Eventually, if ignored, gender dysphoria could lead to depression, and suicidal thoughts. I'm only partially transmale, more like a non-binary person, but I take a Thai herb, derris scandens, to stop dysphoria.

In U.S. evangelical church culture, only two gender boxes are allowed and only cis, straight people exist. Everyone else is usually labeled a "pervert" or a "sinner" and the MtF people are particularly targeted for ridicule and attacks from religious fanatics. Thus, the cost for someone living in the U.S. allowing an inner transgender self to manifest can be high.

But Native Americans recognized five genders, the Thai recognize a Third Gender, etc. 

[JMJW]

What holds me back from full time is a fear of failure, mockery and just being busy all the time >_<. When I want to dress up, I just say I'll use the time to make art instead, but then the desire gets backed up and I get anxious and eager, with adrenaline bursts just thinking about it.

[Keri]

@Snidi

If you are transgender, the urge to cross-dress will likely only get stronger, and you could find yourself feeling unexplained anger when gendered as male.
Eventually, if ignored, gender dysphoria could lead to depression, and suicidal thoughts. I'm only partially transmale, more like a non-binary person, but I take a Thai herb, derris scandens, to stop dysphoria.

In U.S. evangelical church culture, only two gender boxes are allowed and only cis, straight people exist. Everyone else is usually labeled a "pervert" or a "sinner" and the MtF people are particularly targeted for ridicule and attacks from religious fanatics. Thus, the cost for someone living in the U.S. allowing an inner transgender self to manifest can be high.

But Native Americans recognized five genders, the Thai recognize a Third Gender, etc.

Hi Raell. You are right about native americans, they were far more accepting of sexual differences and desires than christianity teaches. When the conquistadores came to america, they slaughtered male natives who dressed or acted feminine, because their church taught it as an abomination. And that legacy has twisted our culture to this day. That is one of the many reasons I have turned my back on christianity and become an aspiring Taoist. I have a native american friend, who is a very sweet person, and is somewhat feminine. It exists to this day in NA culture, despit effort to wipe it out.

[vicki_sixx]

Hi Vicki! Thanks for your answer. I have given it some thought. At this time, I don't feel I have much need to explore my femme side. I'm still exploring my male side, lol. My girl friend really doesn't care when I wear a skirt, but she doesn't compliment me either. I can't see us "going shopping together", as girls. I am 6' tall 180 lbs, she is 5' tall 110 lbs. And besides, I don't like shopping. When I'm with her and she goes shopping, I wait in the car and listen to music. But I also wouldn't want to go in public alone, I guess it would be more fun with other like minded people. But I don't know any.
I see clothing as a costume. Projecting an image of yourself to the world. I don't want to go out in the world dressed as a woman and say; "this is me", because it's not. Maybe if I was in my twenties, and somewhat shorter . . .but I'm not. Just like with poker, I have to play the cards I'm dealt.
But I enjoy talking with you. I admire your courage and determination.

I think you misunderstand me a little - exploring your femme side doesn't mean going shopping. That can be an aspect of it but exploring your femme side is so much more than that. Just let the girl inside you come out. She may be nervous and shy at first, she may just want to lounge around the house in a skirt as she currently does but in time she may want more. Like earrings, makeup, even just a hot bath with candles and soft music. Let this softer side come through the tough barricade of the male mindset (and ego). Dressing as a woman is one thing but letting go of all the manly expectations and pressures was on another level altogether and it feels so good to free yourself of those burdens. Burdens such as the expectancy to always be emotionally tough, the inability to just panic, cry or let your emotions run away with you; to have to take the lead in social situations, to concsiously or subconsciously (usually subconsciously) scan a room full of other men and assess/fight for your place in the pecking order (guys do this in a variety of ways) to have to stick to a limited range of colours and patterns even if flowers, pink and glitter appeal to you more, to hold your arms and body in an array of postures that are currently off limits as a man, to allow yourself to be soft and gentle, to be able to explore the wonderful, wide array or women's clothes and styles, to adorn yourself with glistening trinkets and chains to feel pretty, sexy, vulnerable and desired. The list is endless and the freedom from the strains and stresses of being a man - just being able to 'let go' - is incredibly therapeutic especially if, like me, people always looked to you for leadership.

You say you don't feel the need to explore your femme side but your words betray you and that you're holding back out of fear: 'I'm 6' tall 180 lbs...I also wouldn't want to go in public alone.....it would be more fun with other like minded people. But I don't know any......Maybe if I was in my twenties, and somewhat shorter . . .but I'm not. Just like with poker, I have to play the cards I'm dealt'.
All this is someone afraid they'll look silly, that they're too masculine, too old, too inexperienced, too hopeless, too tall, too alone. One of my best friends is 6' 2", 44 years old and is a stunner. I don't have height to worry about but I'm very masculine in boy mode so had that to overcome. The point is you can look good. I'm not saying you'll rival Charlize Theron but anyone, with the right clothes to suit their frame and decent makeup can look good. Don't limit yourself out of fear.

You don't know anyone? Then make contacts. How do you think my friends and I did it? We were all alone at one point, too. Be it here, TVChix or some other website, you can place ads or get talking to people in the forums who are from your neck of the woods or who can at least offer advice. But you know, you only get one life. Do you really wanna get any older and look back with even more regret and 'if only'? Do you really wanna get to your deathbed and wish you'd indulged whilst you had the chance?

And though you say you have no desire to expres yourself as a woman, to indulge your feminine side, all the signs say otherwise. You wear female clothes, you've clearly thought about it (and ruled it out because you think you're too old and too tall) and you're on a trans website. You want it. You just haven't admitted it to yourself. Go on, you'll love it!

[Keri]

Vicki, thanks again for answering my post, but;
(And though you say you have no desire to expres yourself as a woman, to indulge your feminine side, all the signs say otherwise. You wear female clothes, you've clearly thought about it (and ruled it out because you think you're too old and too tall) and you're on a trans website. You want it. You just haven't admitted it to yourself. Go on, you'll love it!)

Well, I didn't say I didn't enjoy women's clothing, but that's not the whole of my world. I dress in men's clothing when I work. When I go to a medieval fair, I dress as a Viking warrior, (not a damsel-in-distress). I wouldn't wear that in public either! When I go jogging, I dress in the proper clothing for that too, not a cocktail dress and heels.
I enjoy many different modes of dress. It's all an expression of differing needs/interests, is it not?
I like you and I sympathize with you and all of the others on this board, but I don't want this to dominate my life.
I was raised in a homo-phobic christian family. The fact that I am on this site, shows how I have mellowed, and become more embracing of other lifestyles and thoughts.
Now can you accept that this is as far as I want to go, in this direction?