Overcompensating before transitioning late in life

[patrick1967]

I hear a lot of transmen and transwomen talk about how they frequently dressed or acted either neutral or tending towards the gender they finally transitioned to. I just recently started my transition at 49 and always tried to go to the other extreme, even though I only figured myself out about 3 years ago. I was super concerned about weight and appearance when I was younger, hair and makeup had to be perfect, always right in fashion and accentuating all the parts I have come to dislike. I think I was trying to "fit the standard" and be the perfect female, almost as a character. About 30 to 35 I started more towards not giving a crap and finally with exposure figured out myself ((Never met anyone trans or even really heard the word until I moved out of a rural area 4 years ago)). Now it is like after starting T that I care about my appearance again, working on diet, moisturizing, keeping my hair trimmed etc. Anyone else experience this?

[Kylo]

I couldn't have compensated to save my life - I still have no idea how to apply a face of make up.

However now I am looking more like one of the boys, I do care more than I used to about how I look.

[FTMax]

I don't think I ever overcompensated. But I did go through phases to get to this point. I was a tomboy for most of my childhood. Did try to be a little girlier in middle school for about a year to try to fit in better, but that was a bust. Never learned how to do makeup. Can't remember ever wearing a dress past infancy. I got progressively more androgynous in college.

Now I'm just an average dude. And I suppose now I do care about my appearance more than I did pre-transition. I cut my hair regularly, trim my beard, manscape (I'm basically a small furry animal this is a necessity), and work out. I don't really think it's compensating. I just feel more comfortable in my body now and I take some pride in it's upkeep.

[patrick1967]

I think it was trying to "fit in the box" for me. I never really had much disphoria, even now I don't hate the physical, it just fits like a piece of clothing that is the wrong size or cut. then again at 49 I have had it for near to a half century. I always just seemed one step outside or off of it if that makes sense. I always felt like I was putting on a character, I acted in my early years so that is the best way I can describe it. Over the past15 or so i just gave up, let the appearance and the weight go. But now I find myself looking into fashions I like, figuring out my style, working on getting more fit because now I give a ->-bleeped-<- lol.

[sarah1972]

I would agree with overcompensating. For years I could care less, now the first thing in the morning is stepping on the scale. Also putting a whole lot more effort into caring about myself. Nails have been a disaster and my skin had not had any lotion for years. That has all changed - And yes, I give a great deal about how I look :-)

[KarlMars]

I overcompensated too and had a girly girl persona. The reason I haven't started T is because I still dress like a female part of the time.

[patrick1967]

Over the past year, once I figured myself out I have gone more butch gradually, stopped dying the hair, cut it shorter and now do a full buzz cut so while I still present as female at work at the moment it is a very "Masc" female. The glasses went from traditionally female wire frames to black hipsters and our work uniform is polo and jeans so very unisex. Right now trying to figure the coming out there, but that will depend on how quickly the physical changes dictate it

[TransAm]

I was one hell of a terrible female both in terms of social interactions and fashion sense. Like FTMax, I went through a very brief period in middle school where I attempted to don semi-female clothing (slightly more form-fitted plaid shirts and girl's jeans) to try and assimilate before I lost interest and returned to men's clothing.
Makeup, 'dressing up' or taking any ounce of pride in femininity were things that just never clicked with me, not even superficially. In fact, I very quickly got to a point where doing anything feminine actually embarrassed the hell out of me. Even pre-t, I walked around happily with long leg hair and shorts every day. My fiancée couldn't wrap her head around how I wasn't embarrassed about that at first and it was hard to explain to her.

Anyway, looking back on my youth, I wish I had a dollar for every time a girl said something like, "you should try to move your hips when you walk" or "your shirt's too loose, you should show off more", because I'd be a millionaire.

[Kylo]

Anyway, looking back on my youth, I wish I had a dollar for every time a girl said something like, "you should try to move your hips when you walk" or "your shirt's too loose, you should show off more", because I'd be a millionaire.

I heard that too, although not directed at me. It was girls telling other girls what they "should be doing" and ridiculing them for not shaving or whatever. I was part of a group of kids for a time, but somehow immune to their peer pressure. Basically that's what happens if you accept yourself to be the group "weirdo" - if you can deal with that, you don't have to fit in...

I recall having an RDJ attitude to it all. (Listen, smile, agree, and just do whatever the hell you were gonna do anyway)

I just wasn't... I don't know, remotely interested in what they were saying. There was zero motivation and zero attention given to impressing these other kids.

And then you grow up and find that not expressing a ton of accentuated femininity is no real barrier to being considered attractive by other people anyway.

[KarlMars]

I heard that too, although not directed at me. It was girls telling other girls what they "should be doing" and ridiculing them for not shaving or whatever. I was part of a group of kids for a time, but somehow immune to their peer pressure. Basically that's what happens if you accept yourself to be the group "weirdo" - if you can deal with that, you don't have to fit in...

I recall having an RDJ attitude to it all. (Listen, smile, agree, and just do whatever the hell you were gonna do anyway)

I just wasn't... I don't know, remotely interested in what they were saying. There was zero motivation and zero attention given to impressing these other kids.

And then you grow up and find that not expressing a ton of accentuated femininity is no real barrier to being considered attractive by other people anyway.

I think most of those women who show off aren't truly happy with who they are anyway. I know I wasn't when I tried to exaggerate femininity. It didn't feel like me. People still see me as the "girly girl". I even got makeup and female socks for Christmas from a distant relative who doesn't even know me as a male and probably never will.

[Kylo]

People are pretty clueless all round when it comes to family presents, lol. I still get the occasional female generic present from some or else it'll be something weird or goth. Last year someone bought me a book about skulls. For some reason.

[WolfNightV4X1]

Oh yeah Ive done it...

I've never been particularly feminine, always neutral in clothing or tomboyish in interests and personality. I only ever wore tshirts and jeans, never dresses. Particularly in my later teen years I knew I should probably be adjusting to this woman thing better so sometimes I tried things like a little bit of makeup, or a particular style of clothing like this galaxy dress I had bought or leggings...I can especially relate to the not caring though, before the overcompensation teem phase and trying to feel good about myself, in my childhood I didnt care much about my appearance or looking pretty, I was just there, and yeah I kept myself healthy and clean but aestheticwise I could care less what I looked like (unless it had anything to do with dogs, lol)

In the end though it didnt do it for me, I tried those ways of feeling more comfortable in a girl skin but it didnt work out, I could have just been a very masculine woman too but even then I knew it wouldnt even fit as well, so thats why I transitioned, it didnt have much to do with my style I guess, but the fact that I was gravitating towards more male presenting styles was a major sign in itself

[WolfNightV4X1]

Anyway, looking back on my youth, I wish I had a dollar for every time a girl said something like, "you should try to move your hips when you walk" or "your shirt's too loose, you should show off more", because I'd be a millionaire.

Haha, for me I think it was "Are you a lesbian?"

I find that funny now, at the time I wasnt sure what a lesbian was and was told that gay people are bad. Now Im bi and it amuses me that even with long hair and not wearing "boys" clothes I still came off as masculine

[WolfNightV4X1]

Last year someone bought me a book about skulls. For some reason.

Haaa, is that a bad thing? It sounds a little random but also sounds like an awesome gift

[Kylo]

Haaa, is that a bad thing? It sounds a little random but also sounds like an awesome gift

Nope. It's a pretty cool book. Just makes me wonder what's going on in someone's head to randomly buy it for me.

But I suppose what we think we present to the world and what others see (or decide about us) are two different things. I've never been good at figuring out what they can "see".

[KarlMars]

Nope. It's a pretty cool book. Just makes me wonder what's going on in someone's head to randomly buy it for me.

But I suppose what we think we present to the world and what others see (or decide about us) are two different things. I've never been good at figuring out what they can "see".

Don't worry about it, everyone sees things differently. How long have you been on T?

[Kylo]

Since October.

[KarlMars]

Since October.

What changes have happened so far?

[Kylo]

What changes have happened so far?

My voice has broken, or is part-way through breaking (past the hoarse stage and into the one where you don't know when you laugh or say something if it'll come out in that deeper note or not come out at all). I detected a bit of a lump where there was a sensation of tightness for a while... probably Adam's apple

I've noticed my upper lip hair has darkened quite a bit - turns out I'm naturally dark-haired when it comes to that and what's on my head after not knowing for some time - and seems to be growing in faster. Happy trail has appeared, also in that darker color.

Considerable growth of formerly tiny female organ, none of the outer area yet though

About 50% oilier skin. No acne, though. No bacne either.

I'd say my limbs have about 10% extra muscle on them now. I'm not training that much at all yet but I see it. Feel overall more physically capable, less tired in general, can do things for longer. Concentrate easier. Find myself staying up later and working longer, sleeping less hours.

Areas that has some fat storage on (esp inner thigh) seems to be losing it. It feels different. I am losing weight at the same time but I know weight loss in this body and this feels different.

Sleep is very different. Before I could hardly get to sleep within 2 hours and it was always hard to get up. After day 2 on T I can sleep within a minute or two, feel like I rested, and my dreams are better, more vivid. It's a huge change - my sleep has been lousy my entire life. Now it's actually great. When I wake up, I feel ready to wake up and do something, instead of like I just came out of hibernation.

Alcohol tolerance is better. I'm known to be able to handle it but it always used to cause me headaches, sinus problems and skin flushes. Interestingly since T none of those things have happened while drinking. Raised the metabolic rate, probably.

I tolerate colder temperatures better.

Mental changes are I feel overall more casual about everything, although I still have to watch my temper I guess. I feel less stressed, I don't dwell on bad feelings and anxious worries like I used to. I can think about what to do about them, but without anywhere near the level of mental anguish as before.

Used to have a problem thinking about sex, now I feel more causal about that too. "Less inhibited", maybe. I still don't do it a lot, but if I do I'm not chewing myself out over it.

I wouldn't say overall body odor has changed but weirdly enough I smell exactly like a guy down there. Female discharge is practically non-existent now. It's just not there to find. I don't seem to sweat more than I used to.

No periods. No PMS. I never got much manifestation of PMS in the past, but I should mention it hasn't reared its head since.

I've actually started eating less and I feel less hungry. I thought I would experience the opposite.

More muscle twitches. Especially during sleep. If I dream someone is reaching out to hit or grab me, I seem to raise my arms or flinch very violently to fend it off, same with dreaming about tripping over, I move. Never used to do that much. Less muscle cramps though.

I'm not sure to look at but my hands and feet seem to be getting bigger. Bought a size larger shoes which now fit comfortably and my gloves will need replacing

I guess I just feel a lot better already. Things feel more as they should be.

[ghoulified g]

I couldn't have compensated to save my life - I still have no idea how to apply a face of make up.

Same with me. There's all these girls in my year at school asking for nothing but makeup for Christmas and stuff, I just don't get it. I like variety, and I ask for a variety of stuff- dragon statues, video games, stuff for my guitars... I asked for a graphics tablet this year and got it and I'm elated! So I doubt I could overcompensate there.
I'm far from being on T but when I do get on it I'll probably take more pride in my appearance, I'm lazy and can never be bothered to do much at the moment (I don't style my hair, I don't like buying clothes, last time I got new glasses I used the same frames because I couldn't be arsed to pick out new ones) and I hear T energises you q: I'd be more at home with myself as well so I'd probably be a bit more confident than I am now on more than one level

People still seem to get me cosmetics for Christmas though and I don't know why. I've never liked dressing "girly", even on special occasions, I never use makeup, I don't wear jewellery and I've never asked anyone for it. It was worse last year because a lot of people got me shampoo and soap stuff that I still haven't touched, this year I got some stuff that I'll actually use; records, band shirts, a toolbox, video games, stop-motion animation kits, a new watch (supposedly "for her" but I think it's quite masculine?), books, portable chargers, etc. I've got a big family as well, so that was a lot of soap I got last year. xD

Edit: I've also had people ask if I'm a lesbian since I got my hair cut short, and my mum says to move my hips when I walk... Joke's on you, I'm asexual and I don't want to walk like a woman, thanks c;