Has anyone been on hrt for a few years without socially transitioning?

[CarlyMcx]

I was always worried about being nonpassable, but a funny thing has happened in the recent past.  I went through a long period where I drew stares when I went out in female presentation.  However, over the past three months or so, things have changed.  Now, when I go out in female presentation, no one stares or notices. 

On the other hand, I seem to be drawing stares when I go out in male presentation.  And a few weeks ago, I picked up the ultimate male fail.  My wife dragged me to the nail parlor to get my eyebrows waxed, but insisted that I go in male presentation because they knew the male me there, but not well.  (I went kind of mixed, actually -- women's straight leg jeans because the men's jeans don't fit any more, men's T shirt and Coach men's shoulder bag).  I got gendered female the minute I walked in the front door.

Then there was the incident where a neighbor came up my driveway with a misdelivered package when I was on my way to group in full girl mode, and she literally did not recognize me, even though we have known each other for 17 years.

So, after a year and three months on hormones, I kind of don't pass for male any more. 

I wasn't really planning on this.  I figured the hormones would not do all that much since I am 54. 

So now I pretty much have to finish my social transition.  But I cannot say that I am unhappy about it.  I love being a woman.

[Justarandomname]

I saw the image you posted and you are ready. If you want help with your voice, wander over the to voice forum and we will help you with that. As for walking out the door, you have to make up your mind that it's time.

Thank you, I'll definitely check the voice forum out!  lol, walking out the door is the worst part I think.

Totally get it. There is an interesting psychology/sociology thing in all of this. I'm an extrovert and always disliked being invisible as it were, and i think i have pretty much done away with that. Still, there are times when i want to blend in, so i get that too. i find that women are very talkative to me after transition. Strangers everywhere. In the bathroom yesterday for instance. There certainly is a sort of sisterhood there.

Since you mentioned psychology and sociology, I don't know if you've read anything from Dr. Anne Vitale but I highly recommend reading some of her excerpts from her book.  Here http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm, she talks about the 3 different types of transgender individuals and their experiences from childhood to adulthood including her studies on how each group reacts to different stimuli and stigma from external and internal sources that can hamper transition.

I have been on hormones for about 3 years.   I have not socially transitioned at all.  I still present as male.  My reason is that I don't feel that I pass well enough.  If I could pass 90% of the time I would socially transition in a heartbeat,

May I ask what would let you know that you pass or not pass most of the time?  I've been on hrt for a little over 2 years myself and still have no idea if I pass or not.  I look in the mirror and only see my pre-transition self in the mirror so I can't say.  I'm wondering if you are experiencing the same thing.

[laurenb]

I've been doing HRT since last December. You might say I am in the middle of my transition. Four years ago I came out to my partner (she's very supportive). A couple years ago, I had this idea, or plan, that I would come out to everyone and transition yadda yadda ~ happily ever after. It wasn't that simple. I had been growing the hair out for some time, gave up on beards and lot's of other guy things - really, gave up on trying to be a guy-guy. I began buying and wearing only women's clothing that are androgynous - jeans, large tops etc. But not overtly femme. No make up. I could probably even pass at 100 yards. I started with my first therapist - who helped tremendously. I've been seeing my current therapist for 2 years - and she's helped me even more. I was getting ready. Then last November happened. Our society took that hard right turn while I took up HRT. So now I've throttled back the plan to a lower speed. I feel both better and worse at the same time. The longing for acceptance and validation in society is stronger than ever. The HRT, however, combined with the therapy makes the days not just bearable, but good most of the time. If I'm down, I feel my small breasts through my sweatshirt and remember who I really am. My therapist says I present "soft-male". I'm going to look into getting laser treatments this fall. To paraphrase my partner, she says it's only a matter of time and timing. It could be a while but I'm still moving forward.

[Charlie Nicki]

I was getting ready. Then last November happened. Our society took that hard right turn while I took up HRT. So now I've throttled back the plan to a lower speed.

Hey Lauren, at the risk of sounding ignorant, what exactly happened? What are you talking about?

Edit: Nevermind! I got it

[RachelH]

Hey Lauren, at the risk of sounding ignorant, what exactly happened? What are you talking about?

Edit: Nevermind! I got it

I may be wrong, but I think this is interference to the US presidential Election.

On a different note, this is an interesting topic. I have considered at least a low dose HRT because I am not ready to transition due to my personal situation, namely a good salary.  My wife knows and is supportive and is even seeking her own help through counseling so I may move forward but like others I just want to quiet the trans beast in my head so I can concentrate on life. Perhaps Low Dose HRT will let me do that.
Paula

[laurenb]

I think, Paula, you'll find out rather quick if HRT is a fit for you. I started a low dose and moved to bit higher dose but not anywhere near a full dose. I found I needed to be patient and give it time to work. But if it doesn't feel right, you can put it down.

My partner and I both see the same therapist. She knows us both now. It really works for us. Your wife should definitely seek some support from someone who can give her tools to help work through things. Ours doesn't sugar coat but she also is positive and practical. Here's an ironic upside to being Trans: I started seeing our therapist because I had dysphoria. We now talk about stuff in my life that has nothing to do with that - in other words, there were other things going on besides being trans. And we're unpacking all that and working on it. I now understand myself far better than I did before.

[RachelH]

Here's an ironic upside to being Trans: I started seeing our therapist because I had dysphoria. We now talk about stuff in my life that has nothing to do with that - in other words, there were other things going on besides being trans. And we're unpacking all that and working on it. I now understand myself far better than I did before.

I understand this completely!  I have been going to mine for a little over a year and I'd say we only discuss being trans about 60% of the time.  It is good to just vent to someone and not be judged or anything. Plus she and I are alike in many ways that I could easily see us being friends were not not for our professional relationship. That makes it a lot easier to open up to her and discuss things in a wholostice manner.
Paula

[Desire]

So you still present male, but had SRS?  I'd be lying, if I never thought of that possibility...

My reply to the social transitioning was quoted and above is a member's reply.  I've come back and reread so many times and tried to accept a different members views.

I can't accept this members post.  Transitioning is a personal choice and as long as the person is competent, aware and has free will then we all should support each person.  My journey and reasons are mine, as well as every other person has theirs.  I may not have the same wishes but I do support each person.

All my best
Desire

[Cindy]

So you still present male, but had SRS?  I'd be lying, if I never thought of that possibility...

My reply to the social transitioning was quoted and above is a member's reply.  I've come back and reread so many times and tried to accept a different members views.

I can't accept this members post.  Transitioning is a personal choice and as long as the person is competent, aware and has free will then we all should support each person.  My journey and reasons are mine, as well as every other person has theirs.  I may not have the same wishes but I do support each person.

All my best
Desire

We all walk our own path and each path is valid. Or as a therapist said to said to me. There are many paths to Rome and there are many Romes.

I think people may be surprised on how many people are in the same category that I know of on the Forum and also in life.

On this Forum we accept all and that is the end of the matter.

Cindy

[Megan.]

I love to read the variety of people's experiences and motivations,  all valid.
Trying get an answer out my therapist is (as with most) nigh on impossible,  they deflect or reflect questions as an art form! But on one occasion,  just before going full-time,  I commented that if it didn't work for me,  I could always go back to part-time,  but even that didn't really feel like a true possibility,  she just smiled and agreed [emoji4]; and this before HRT.
It's been a bumpy road for my kids learning to understand,  but aside the pressure of that,  I have not once even considered detransition,  even part-time for me would be intolerable. But that's just me...

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[CynthiaAnn]

Yes, I was on HRT for 1 year 11 months before beginning living "full time". I knew it was time by then, my life was telling me I was ready.... never looked back after that....

good topic here, interesting to read other's experiences.

C -

[Bea1968]

Lots of great advice and personal stories that give me hope.  I plan to hold out on social transition until it becomes just too obvious and I must.  I appreciate all that each of you have shared.

Best regards,

Bea

[bobbiesj]

What a fantastic topic.

I am going on 5 months of HRT, and the first couple of months were low dosage to see if both me and my body could adopt.  For the past few months, I am on what most would consider a "regular" dose of Estrogen and Prog.

About a year ago, I found a salon that I was comfortable at, and as I got to know the owner, started to discuss some of my wants like waxing, hair styles, makeup.  She was and is so great that she actually showed me how to do moisturizing, makeup and nails.  I got more of an androgynous hair style and it's been like a whirlwind since.

I started wearing leggings to the gym, along with women's tops.  I got some looks, but, nothing horrible.  I scheduled an appt with therapy and within 2 sessions, she said she would provide me a letter.  I found my Endo, and off I went. 

Fast forward to today, and after a few months of full strength, I am developing breasts, my skin has gotten noticeable softer, and I just love the difference in my brain functions.  I started with laser 2 months ago, and that is going extremely well.  Yes, the facial part of laser hurts. lol

My wife is not thrilled, but, we are talking through it.  Our children are older, and I have no need to really explain to them what I am doing. I am sure that as I continue my journey, there will be questions.  The more accurate way I can think of my transition is I am "me".  Nothing more, nothing less.  I have had mail fails in the past month, which is nice, and I can pull off both male and female right now, but, I am sure it will get more difficult the longer I am on HRT.  I don't know what the future holds, I don't know if I will ever fully transition, but, I know today, I feel more like myself than I have ever felt.  Oh, and I cannot tolerate my nails not being manicured.

bobbie