Advice for coming out to therapist?

[Manatee]

I'm scheduled for a session with my therapist next week. I was musing on whether or not I should discuss my gender dysphoria with her. I'm not very open with her and I feel really uncomfortable with discussing my issues with anyone, her included and I'm just not sure what to say to her. I haven't told anyone about my dysphoria for over two years and the only way my old counsellor figured out was by guesswork. I'm just not sure how to tell her. Any advice?

[Michelle_P]

Just flat out say it. "I think I have gender dysphoria". Really. 

Write it on a piece of paper, a full sheet that won't hide in the palm of your hand, and hold it in your hand when you go into her office.

If you can't say you have gender dysphoria, hand her the paper. If you can't even do that it will be obvious you are holding something there and she will ask about it.

Don't worry about the therapist. They've heard it all before. Just please do it for yourself.

Hugs
Michelle


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[Megan.]

Michelle gives good advice, but if you're struggling to be open with your therapist there might be a bigger problem to resolve. The power and value of therapy comes from being in that place where you can say anything without being judged.
I tell my therapist things that they would consider downrightly offensive, and I usually caveat them with an apology, but I say them anyway, they are being paid as a professional to be objective, and I need to talk about these things, even if they might be offensive or downright weird.

[Janes Groove]

Telling her is easy.  Just say, "I think I'm trans."

Better question: Are you ready to tell her?  It will start you down a different road.

[Nina_Ottawa]

When I first saw a gender therapist in 2007, I hadn't even heard of gender dysphoria.
I found the therapists name online through a transgender club. I still remember that first meeting. The therapist said "this is he first of five sessions, I make no determination until then."

End of the first two hour sessions, she said "You're going to enjoy transition."

I was floored...and scared because I was thinking now what?
9 years later, 8 years full time  and postop....I can't believe how fast time went by.
I likely would have never transitioned had I not had the sessions with my therapist.

[Michelle_P]

Better question: Are you ready to tell her?  It will start you down a different road.

Please bear in mind that NOT telling the therapist about something as fundamental as this can lead to misdiagnosis and mistreatment.

I would have been stuck on antidepressants and an anti anxiety drug for my symptoms if I hadn't told the therapist. Instead, I got a different type of therapy and HRT.  No more chronic depression and anxiety! [emoji75]



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[Denise]

Manatee,

Why did you make the appt in the first place?  Are you constantly thinking about your gender?  Are you thinking about being the opposite gender?  Do you hate your body shape? 

I ask this because, I disagree with some of the other comments here.  It kills me to say that because there are a lot of great comments by people I trust and admire.  My issue is you should NOT (IMHO) self diagnose gender dysphoria.  That's your therapist's job.  Tell them your symptoms.  Besides letting them come to some conclusion it's much easier to say "I think about my gender ALL the time." Or "I'm envious of the other gender because I would rather be in their camp." Or... Come up with your own reason. 

If you are going to a gender specialist, you don't need to tell them you think your trans.  They already suspect it.  When you go to the E.R. with a bone sticking out of your leg, do you say "doc, I think I broke my leg?" Yeah, I didn't think so.  Let them figure it out.

Not only do you let them do their job, that you are paying good money for, but it skips the first question they will ask "why do you think so?"

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[Kensi]

yes, as many have said, just let her know. Personally, I took a very long time to become comfortable with my therapist. I must have talked with her for about 3 months before I started discussing my gender identity. Sense then I have basically opened up completely and it was a big step. Though if you are really really uncomfortable, keep talking about other issues if their are any. I went to begin with trying to get over a very difficult vehicle crash that I was in and have lost my passenger, my best friend and cousin. it takes time but therapy has helped me out so much in dealing with problems and no longer lying to myself. honestly, I have started talking with an old friend, I haven't talked to in a decade, and I feel as if it is developing into a relationship (fingers crossed). We have both been feeling as if we were gonna scare each other off with the brutal truths we have been texting about. Isn't that the basis for a good relationship, getting all the bad experiences completely on the table so you are able to really fall for each other . Hope this helps

[bluepaint]

Sounds like if your former counsellor guessed right, maybe bc theres something they pick up on and if your therapist is any good (having studied enough psychology myself) then they probably already pick up on it too but they often wait and respect your right to disclosure until your ready to say something!  blessings! Julie [emoji177]


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[AlyssaJ]

I'm with some of the others here who have expressed concern over your lack of openness with your therapist and fear of coming out to her.  The whole point of therapy is to be in a safe place where you feel comfortable sharing everything. If your therapy sessions aren't that safe place for you then it's time to find a different therapist. It's nobody's fault.  Sometimes you have to try a few before you find one that you're compatible with.

The fact that you are considering coming out to your therapist tells me that you're ready and you're searching for someone who you can share your experiences with in person. If you're not comfortable with the person you're seeing now, hopefully finding someone else will help.  Personally, I'd strongly recommend finding a therapist who openly specializes in Transgender issues.

For me, I went through a local Transgender advocacy group.  They had a list of therapists they recommended.  I then researched each one on Psychology today as well as their websites.  The psychologist I chose not only had experience with Trans people, she openly stated it was one of her specialties on her website and it turns out she's even been recognized by a few TG organizations.  It made me immediately comfortable with her so that on my very first visit I had no problem opening up with the entire book of my trans experience.

Good luck!!

[bluepaint]

.

For me, I went through a local Transgender advocacy group.  They had a list of therapists they recommended.  I then researched each one on Psychology today as well as their websites.  The psychologist I chose not only had experience with Trans people, she openly stated it was one of her specialties on her website and it turns out she's even been recognized by a few TG organizations.  It made me immediately comfortable with her so that on my very first visit I had no problem opening up with the entire book of my trans experience.

Good luck!!

Same here, I went to a therapist (psychologist) that specifically saw transgendered individuals so I was openly disclosing (right off the bat) that I felt trans!