I'm a gay male married to a trans woman.
At the time we got married, my spouse was a gay male also.
She came out to me several months ago. I've gone through a lot of the stages I assume other spouses go through, denial, anger, confusion, denial again. I've come to accept it for the most part. I would never consider leaving my spouse. I love her too much. It's just difficult thinking of the difficulties she will go through. She is very pollyanna in life, never thinking about what bad can happen. But I'm still worried about her safety.
There's still a small nagging slice of doubt at the back of my mind. It was all so sudden. And we were always so open about ourselves. We were a gay couple after all, in an open relationship. Now, we're in the planning stage of surgery (the whole shebang, top and bottom) and I'm starting to panic a little. What if my spouse, who has a history of changing her mind a lot, has the operation then regrets it? There's no going back. Also, the cost is astronomical. We don't have this kind of money and it will have to be completely financed. Spouse has a pretty secure job, but I know how trans folks can be harassed and fired in our society. I'd still be working, but it's a huge debt.
How do I know for sure that my spouse really wants this?