My wife went through the full grieving process. She tells me she had to bury her husband. I respect and understand that. But, like she says, I am still the same person she married. Not physically, obviously, but what clicked between us back in '90 when we met is still there today. We still are attached to the same things between us emotionally, same memories, and are still the same people to each other. She has, most certainly, had to make adjustments, but she will say that she is not the same person I married, either. I have adjusted to whom she is today, just slower and over more time. I made a pretty sudden change to her. (Not really sudden, she has known of my tendencies for about 20 years.)
I think every couple handles it differently, but for us we love each other unconditionally and when she had time to process it, realize I did not want to be with anyone but her, and (this was the big one) our kids were ok with it, then she was so relieved. She says today her biggest fear was how the kids would handle it. I had 2 in high school and one in college when we told them.
No, she did not immediately jump on board. It has taken time for her, and us to be where we are. Like I said, she transitioned, too. I had to be understanding and considerate of her transition, just as she did mine.
To be fair, we have been through a lot of adversity together (Cancer and other medical issues, deaths in the family, job disparities, etc.) so it is not like we started off from the perfect life, perfect family, picket fence scenario. We were kind of already tough old birds.
