I've always found one problem in my life is nobody knows how to handle me when i was a younger kid everything was alright till people started taking the people i felt connected to away. And then i stopped trusting, then my friends left me behind and i stopped being understood because kids started to realize i was disabled and different. When i actually got into middle school is when things started falling apart everyone i did have connections with i wouldn't open up to
i stopped letting people in so they couldn't hurt me. And my mother as iv'e said stopped me from being able to do a lot that i wanted to do so that didn't help. I isolated myself and started to struggle more then i ever struggled before and around this same time other really bad things where happening to me that i won't speak about. It go so bad that my happy and nice personality turned on a dime i was very angry and not a single person could understand why they all tried to discover what was my problem but nobody could. And when i was in high school that's where things came to a end i just gave up not only did i become angry but i didn't believe in myself or anyone else around me and nobody showed me other wise actually in my life people just seem to prove to me what i come to the conclusions of which push me further and further away. I became home schooled because nobody could get me to go back to school anymore and then that failed. So what happened was they tried putting me in another school where nobody could control me and what happened is i'd always end up into trouble or some teacher would be emotionally abusive to me which made everything worse, and worse. And then by i think 17-18 i became a drop out and never went back to school. I tried to go back and get my g.e.d but i didn't believe in myself enough and got into fights when the teachers where trying to control me and the teachers told my mom and dad i couldn't see in between black and white and again nobody new how to help. The only thing that helped was me going to language classes i remember the first day of that the teacher told me "You have a smile on your face now i've never seen that" And i did till things went down hill there too because i didn't feel like i was making progress in other classes.
And now....i'm no where it doesn't shock me. Websites to me remind me of schools do this do that always trying to control me, the me who needs to be free. I just have always felt like i needed to be free and be alone because i can't connect to others. People get close to me and i push people away i push people away on here too, because if i let them come near me they'll hurt me or i'll end up messing something else up. I'd rather people keep there distance although i love people still and i love helping who i can...i long for people but i've always known i can't be around people because i can't control my temper and people don't know what is wrong with me. It's only a matter of time before this is just another website in the books of who gave up on me along with my parents and teachers. Consider it mean, but its how i view things people try people care but i'm to hard for people to grasp.
Iv'e been told it's
Aspergers well actually HFA high functioning autism to be exact.
AVPD - Avoidance personality disorder
And other disorders along with learning problems.
Now on top of that why don't i just add transgender into the mix? it may not be a disorder but its just another struggle sometimes. I'm just a person to label in life always have been...always wanted to do or complete something to feel apart of a group to feel accepted and i don't feel either.
