Being attracted to or loving women does not mean that you are not transgender. I used that rationale as a basis for denial about my true gender for many many years, until I learned that attraction operates independently of gender.
I started hormone therapy eight months ago at the age of 53, and now for the first time since male puberty, I am actually happy in my own body.
I would also point out that, even though I now have the blood estrogen levels of a teenage girl, I am still attracted to women. Your mileage may vary on this one. I did find that eliminating the testosterone from my body did eliminate a lot of the lust I felt whenever I saw a woman dressed sexy -- or rather, got rid of that mix of lust and envy, and left only the envy, and the wish that I had done this at a far younger age.
On the upside, this summer I get to be the cutie in the short shorts, instead of lusting after her and longing to be her.
FWIW, you sound like me fifteen years ago, or ten years ago, or seven years ago, especially the "Good for those mtf women but that's not you."
Eventually panic attacks got the better of me. All of them were based on a fear of dying without ever getting to live as my true self. This became something I absolutely had to do, whereas when I was younger, I regarded it as a choice. But what I was really doing was placating the female part of myself by putting things off, lying to myself, making promises to her that "someday it will happen, right now we have to have a wife, family, kids, career, live as a guy."
But eventually after nearly ten years of panic attacks, I had to realize, there was no guy. She was me, I was her, and being that guy was slowly killing me.
It is up to you how you live your life. And no one says you have to transition. You can shave body hair, get piercings, possibly even get breast implants and facial feminization surgery if you want to, without a hormonal transition.
But one thing about the hormones: They made me a nicer person. I'm no longer grumpy and irritable, and able to laugh at myself instead of cursing in frustration when I have a small mishap. I'm more patient, I'm a better listener, and I have heightened analytical faculties.
One final bit of advice: If you are younger and not yet married, (and are thinking about getting married) sort out the gender thing first. The worst regrets I have heard from older mtf transfolk have always been that they deceived and defrauded their ex wives by concealing the deepest, truest part of themselves from the women that they loved and married. Love demands honesty, both with yourself and others.
