Do you think my mom a homophobic transphobe would support my transitioning ever?

[dmj23]

Just curious. My mom has always considered intersex women with ais to be men and thought they should live as men. She doesnt see men like Erik schinegger as trans so its actually the few incidences where someone has ais and my mom actually refers to them in the right pronouns. She cares more on a reproductive and genetic level. Women with ais have undescended testis and are genetically male so she sees them as men. Well I'm not quite like these women I have xxy chromosomes which is usually male so its considered an intersex male karyotype but I have ovaries so I am said to be fertile as far as I know. I realize I want to transition but she lives with me and I take care of her things are already tumultuous so I'm like thinking of transition next year as in like slowly. But she lives with me so she would see the transition. The way my mom thinks is for women with ais originally they potentially male at conception and some time after that. Well I'm kind of the same as I was potentially male at conception very early on. She knows I'm intersex. Found out accidentally. I haven't fully explained it to her. It somewhat bothers her. My condition doesnt seem to though. And she even recently acknowledged that I really might have a male brain. And said that she would be celiibate because of my genetic abnormality. She seems to acknowledge the fact that I've identified as a gay man too thats in a negative view. I have always felt like I was a gay man stuck in a woman's body. And seemingly on the physical sense I am. If I explained everything do you think shed eventually live with it peaceably

[Ms Grace]

While it does seem unlikely, never say never. Sometimes people can change their mind when confronted by their bigotry, it doesn't happen overnight though.

[dmj23]

While it does seem unlikely, never say never. Sometimes people can change their mind when confronted by their bigotry, it doesn't happen overnight though.

Well I don't expect her to change more I guess my hope was torake advantage of her own incorrect beliefs.

[Denise]

Yesterday I was talking with a looooonnnnggggg time gay friend who went through hell in the 70.  He told me a story about an acquaintance of ours who was a total homophobe.  When his son came out they apparently had a long discussion and the dad did a 180° flip.  He even became an active supporter for LGBT.  He even would match in the NYC gay pride parades.

Intelligent people can be educated and change.

Sent from my LG-H820 using Tapatalk

[dmj23]

Yesterday I was talking with a looooonnnnggggg time gay friend who went through hell in the 70.  He told me a story about an acquaintance of ours who was a total homophobe.  When his son came out they apparently had a long discussion and the dad did a 180° flip.  He even became an active supporter for LGBT.  He even would match in the NYC gay pride parades.

Intelligent people can be educated and change.

Sent from my LG-H820 using Tapatalk

Since my mom has known about me being intersex she's been better about some aspects like acknowledging that I'm male minded and stuff. But the thing that jumps out at me is the fact that she thinks women with androgen insensitivity syndrome are just men and should transition. I mean she think its more a mandatory thing in their case because of their genetic make up and sex organs. For me I'm similar because I have an intersex male karyotype. So at conception I was male mostly. So I mean if they have to transition on her mi d then shouldn't I have a choice considering I got bogged down with two intersex conditions xxy syndrome and Swyer's syndrome. Had Swyer's syndrome not happened to me I'd have been a man with the same learning disabilities I have no etc.... She has to take that into account. I mean if women with ais are men to her why can't I be?

[dmj23]

She's actually more advanced than her family I don't think they know anything about intersex people

[Luisa_2u]

Ok, I think that you need to ask yourself how long will you let others decide what you have to decide. Sorry if I'm being rude by any mean...

I'll tell my experience, maybe it helps you?

I considered myself trans for a while now. But my parents does not know it yet. No one but 2 girls (friends). My family is super homophobic too and I am afraid to transition. I was to transition after university. But I realized I want it now. I'm looking for a job and I'm on a public tender. All I want is my independence and do whatever I like. I don't know how they would react if I say to them that I'm trans. But I'm sure they would say something like "if you wanna be like this, so go on and do it by yourself. Go live your life but not here." I think they would say something like this because their religious does not tolerate anything that isn't hetero or cis (can I say that?) people.

I considered doing later, but maybe later would be too late. What I want is not wrong! In my country, being trans is NOT a crime. They are the ones who is wrong! They are the ones who commit a crime every time the say homophobic or transphobic things. I just realized these things by now.

[Lady Sarah]

My mother is homophobic and transphobic, big time. However, she totally accepts me as a woman, and accepts my husband into the family.
There is a chance you mother may be much the same way. She may opt to love you unconditionally, while talking trash about any homosexual or transperson she sees.

[dmj23]

I told her in a text and she called me talking about how I don't want to go to prison with men because I'm too small compared to men and that I couldn't win a fight with a man. Lol.

Then she goes talking about how this butch lesbian looks more like a man than I do lol. She thinks that the hormones will still make me a guy with a period lol. She also pointed out I like make up and I want to have kids. She thinks I want to have kids with my own I guess sperm lol. I can't really talk to her without her freaking out jumping one uninformed thought to another. She's not been that angry she just keeps trying to insist I'm a woman and stuff. For me I'm going to try one more thing to see. I'm getting medical attention for this probably in the oddest way someone could think of. But if it works I'm going to inquire then pay for some expenses with the money. This is if it works out totally. She went back on her belief about intersex people. She did acknowledge that she has no issue with what way I present myself her issue is mainly the hormones she even tried to say I could get cancer with the hormones etc...

[Luisa_2u]

From the looks of it, it looks to me that she's still with you.
There are some people that when you say that kind of things like, I'm gay or I'm trans, they just ask some questions and then try to learn and understand things by themselves. But there are the people who spill things to you like they know that they are right. Maybe she's the second one.
Maybe she say things like this because she don't realize how awkward these words are, and just that.
People get to think that they can help people doing this or that, but sometimes the things they do or say just get things worse.
So, if she does not say that she hates you, that's good! You can try and educate people anytime they make a mistake (and there's that time when you are so pissed that you just don't wanna do it), or you can just try to ignore it.

[dmj23]

My mother is homophobic and transphobic, big time. However, she totally accepts me as a woman, and accepts my husband into the family.
There is a chance you mother may be much the same way. She may opt to love you unconditionally, while talking trash about any homosexual or transperson she sees.

Yeah my mom doesn't seem to mind that much that I identify as a gay man she just says I shouldn't get in a relationship with a gay man. I probably wouldn't since I'm intersex. I'm gay and I wouldn't be attracted to anyone like myself. But she doesnt seem to care about my identity since I was assigned female at birth. I think it has to do with the fact that she expected me to be attracted to men originally and I am so there's no problem there. But still some with my gender identity.

[dmj23]

From the looks of it, it looks to me that she's still with you.
There are some people that when you say that kind of things like, I'm gay or I'm trans, they just ask some questions and then try to learn and understand things by themselves. But there are the people who spill things to you like they know that they are right. Maybe she's the second one.
Maybe she say things like this because she don't realize how awkward these words are, and just that.
People get to think that they can help people doing this or that, but sometimes the things they do or say just get things worse.
So, if she does not say that she hates you, that's good! You can try and educate people anytime they make a mistake (and there's that time when you are so pissed that you just don't wanna do it), or you can just try to ignore it.

The thing is with intersex people she doesnt believe in tradition. Like you know my mom is a bit of a fan of caster semenya despite her being a lesbian because she doesn't think there's the tradition that goes with being intersex. She also is against surgery on intersex kids to make them look more male or more female. She has said me presenting more masculine was acceptable to her just not hormones she said if I were born with my chromosomes being functional with an xxy karyotype which is a popular karyotype when sry positive among men with Klinefelter syndrome shed still be against me taking hormones.

[ChelseaAnn]

Yesterday I was talking with a looooonnnnggggg time gay friend who went through hell in the 70.  He told me a story about an acquaintance of ours who was a total homophobe.  When his son came out they apparently had a long discussion and the dad did a 180° flip.  He even became an active supporter for LGBT.  He even would match in the NYC gay pride parades.

Intelligent people can be educated and change.

Sent from my LG-H820 using Tapatalk

Yes, the general problem seems to be the lack of intelligent people...

Sent from my HTC Desire 626 using Tapatalk

[dmj23]

Yes, the general problem seems to be the lack of intelligent people...

Sent from my HTC Desire 626 using Tapatalk

Shes smart she's got 2 bachelor's degrees one in accounting g and one in chemistry.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I told her in a text and she called me talking about how I don't want to go to prison with men because I'm too small compared to men and that I couldn't win a fight with a man. Lol.

Then she goes talking about how this butch lesbian looks more like a man than I do lol. She thinks that the hormones will still make me a guy with a period lol. She also pointed out I like make up and I want to have kids. She thinks I want to have kids with my own I guess sperm lol. I can't really talk to her without her freaking out jumping one uninformed thought to another. She's not been that angry she just keeps trying to insist I'm a woman and stuff. For me I'm going to try one more thing to see. I'm getting medical attention for this probably in the oddest way someone could think of. But if it works I'm going to inquire then pay for some expenses with the money. This is if it works out totally. She went back on her belief about intersex people. She did acknowledge that she has no issue with what way I present myself her issue is mainly the hormones she even tried to say I could get cancer with the hormones etc...

Just to address her ignorance, you'll look more male than a butch lesbian if you go on a masculinizing dose of T, even if you dress feminine, because your face will (eventually, it's slow) change shape.

You won't get cancer from the hormones any more than you'll get cancer from the hormones you're on now.

You could still have a period in which case you can get something like depo to stop the period, although a lot of folks have the period stop pretty fast on T.

I think your mom will come around, you just have to give her time. She's kind of hung up on this intersex thing and it's giving her a way to accept you although she seems upset about your reproductive system (which is not her property).

Just be prepared that she may accept you without really supporting you and you have to have faith in yourself. Be patient with this.

[dmj23]

Just to address her ignorance, you'll look more male than a butch lesbian if you go on a masculinizing dose of T, even if you dress feminine, because your face will (eventually, it's slow) change shape.

You won't get cancer from the hormones any more than you'll get cancer from the hormones you're on now.

You could still have a period in which case you can get something like depo to stop the period, although a lot of folks have the period stop pretty fast on T.

I think your mom will come around, you just have to give her time. She's kind of hung up on this intersex thing and it's giving her a way to accept you although she seems upset about your reproductive system (which is not her property).

Just be prepared that she may accept you without really supporting you and you have to have faith in yourself. Be patient with this.

This is actually the same person who a while back said I looked like a transsexual MTV even with make up. And that when I cut my hair I look ambiguous and that I look like my dad etc..... I have a male body habitus too.  My mom when she gets mad always calls me male pronouns up until now that she knows  I've been paning on transitioning to live as a man. I heard from other transmen that with t the period goes away after a while. Either way I probably won't be a guy with a period.

[Bylandbyseabyair]

Just curious. My mom has always considered intersex women with ais to be men and thought they should live as men. She doesnt see men like Erik schinegger as trans so its actually the few incidences where someone has ais and my mom actually refers to them in the right pronouns. She cares more on a reproductive and genetic level. Women with ais have undescended testis and are genetically male so she sees them as men. Well I'm not quite like these women I have xxy chromosomes which is usually male so its considered an intersex male karyotype but I have ovaries so I am said to be fertile as far as I know. I realize I want to transition but she lives with me and I take care of her things are already tumultuous so I'm like thinking of transition next year as in like slowly. But she lives with me so she would see the transition. The way my mom thinks is for women with ais originally they potentially male at conception and some time after that. Well I'm kind of the same as I was potentially male at conception very early on. She knows I'm intersex. Found out accidentally. I haven't fully explained it to her. It somewhat bothers her. My condition doesnt seem to though. And she even recently acknowledged that I really might have a male brain. And said that she would be celiibate because of my genetic abnormality. She seems to acknowledge the fact that I've identified as a gay man too thats in a negative view. I have always felt like I was a gay man stuck in a woman's body. And seemingly on the physical sense I am. If I explained everything do you think shed eventually live with it peaceably

From my experiences, people who are homophobic have gay tendencies themselves and as such are full of apprehensions and defense mechanisms.  It is all part of a subconscious front.