coming out at church

[ChelseaAnn]

So, after I came out to my wife and several other people, and my wife became supportive, we made the decision to leave the Catholic Church to avoid any problems.
We found a great new Lutheran church, which a lesbian couple we are friends with introduced us to. The pastor is also aware of our situation. Today, I discussed with him the topic of coming out to the congregation, some of whom I've gotten to know. It also helps that the lesbian couple is very popular in the church.
So, what do you think is the best way? There was a vote on whether or not to allow our friends to get married (prior to the federal law being passed), so the congregation seems open minded, but it is also our pastor's first time dealing with this.
Thoughts?

[Ella_bella]

Firstly, I dont have any experience doing this in a religious setting - and understand that there are a number of different factors that could influence people's reactions/responses.

Ive found that I had a lot of success dealing with anyone I have a close connection with 1 on 1 or as a small group. This showed those people that I valued their friendship/connection and allowed them to react and respond in a more intimate way, like asking questions or expressing themselves.

For everyone else that I didnt know particularly closely an announcement to the larger group either in person (preferable) or via a medium such as email.

Everyone could react differently, and you may have some people that react in a negative way. Make sure you have some support available to you, you deserve it!

Best of luck!

[Rain Dog]

We found a great new Lutheran church

You're not at all concerned about the validity of their sacraments?

[HappyMoni]

I came out at my school. I put out an invitation that I had an announcement to make and anyone who wanted to hear should come to my meeting. Most everyone did. I liked this because they were not a captive audience. Anyone not wanting to be a part didn't have to. You might consider having the pastor make an announcement that you had something you wanted to share if people were interested. Just something to think about. Being a non church goer, I might be way off base. LOL
Monica

[2Wendy2]

If it's new church to you, why do you feel the need to "Come Out"? Why can't you just attend and be yourself?

You don't have to lie if someone asks, but you certainly do not need to take the pulpit and tell everyone do you? If so, why?

Wendy

[Janes Groove]

So, what do you think is the best way? There was a vote on whether or not to allow our friends to get married (prior to the federal law being passed), so the congregation seems open minded, but it is also our pastor's first time dealing with this.
Thoughts?

I think the best way is just the most obvious way.  Just show up as yourself.  You have a right to do so.  There is nothing wrong with you.  (I assume the congregation is used to seeing your male presentation?) and let the chips fall where they may.  If you feel uncomfortable, their are lots of other congregations/churches that will accept you with love.  But, then again,  I am a Taurus and we tend to be the classic, not very subtle, "bull in a china shop."

Disclaimer: I too left the Catholic Church a long time ago.  I just can't co sign a religion that wants me to feel ashamed of myself and live in the dark wilderness of pain, shame, denial and isolation 24 hours out of every day.  All for being honest and being the person the creator made me to be.  It just wasn't healthy for me.  Now I attend an LGBT church from time to time. I find the sermons there and the songs and the whole worship ceremony to be quite moving and amazing every time I go.  The liturgy is of course tailored to the LGBT community .

[Nina_Ottawa]

One year before I came out, I had joined a Presbyterian church. i had never attended church before, but felt a need to be a part of a community. Just a weeks before I was about to start living full time I met with my pastor. I told her who I was, but it was very confusing to her. She had no opinions, or thoughts of what I should do. Fearing I might be a disruption to the church, I decided to stop attending.
Six months later, I received an email from the pastor. She said there had been an elders meeting, and in that meeting they wondered where I was and why I stopped attending. My pastor had told them of my changes. She said they unanimously wanted me back.
I remember attending service a few weeks later. I got there half an hour later so I could sit in the pew, collect my thoughts. I was so scared and nervous.
One by one, members of the congregation greeted me, welcomed me, hugged me. It was amazing. A year later, I became a full member of the church, and got an opportunity to address the congregation.

[AlyssaJ]

If it's new church to you, why do you feel the need to "Come Out"? Why can't you just attend and be yourself?

You don't have to lie if someone asks, but you certainly do not need to take the pulpit and tell everyone do you? If so, why?

Wendy

THIS!!!  This is exactly why when I attended my first service at a United Church of Christ community, I did it in full female presentation.  My plan was they would be introduced to me as the person I am from the very start and not have to go through a social transition with them. The church I chose is Open and Affirming (a UCC doctrine of education, welcoming and outreach).  I also reached out in advance to the pastor to find out if there were other Transgender members, so at least I'd know if I was blazing a trail or following in someone else's footsteps.

The end result is I couldn't be happier with my new faith community.  Everyone is super welcoming and supportive.  I met, so far, one other Transgender woman.  The prospects of finally having at least a small community in which I can just be me fills me with joy.

To the OP, I wouldn't make a huge spectacle of it.  Honestly, you've already told the pastor, so maybe coordinate with them. Maybe come out to the people you are close to and let the others learn of it as they interact with the real you. Let them see you for who you are and figure out for themselves how they'll react.  If it becomes a big show, that's when people tend to get more turned off.  Like you're asking for special treatment or something.  Instead just expect equal treatment by just being yourself in every way.  Even those in the congregation that may take issue with you, are less likely to confront you or be hateful to your face if they don't have it thrown in theirs. If they make a stink behind your back, well that's why you've made sure your pastor is aware and ready to defend you.  If the pastor is not ready to do that, then it's time for a new church.

[RobynD]

One year before I came out, I had joined a Presbyterian church. i had never attended church before, but felt a need to be a part of a community. Just a weeks before I was about to start living full time I met with my pastor. I told her who I was, but it was very confusing to her. She had no opinions, or thoughts of what I should do. Fearing I might be a disruption to the church, I decided to stop attending.
Six months later, I received an email from the pastor. She said there had been an elders meeting, and in that meeting they wondered where I was and why I stopped attending. My pastor had told them of my changes. She said they unanimously wanted me back.
I remember attending service a few weeks later. I got there half an hour later so I could sit in the pew, collect my thoughts. I was so scared and nervous.
One by one, members of the congregation greeted me, welcomed me, hugged me. It was amazing. A year later, I became a full member of the church, and got an opportunity to address the congregation.

That is so awesome. Those who paint all of Christianity with the same brush should see examples like this.