I'm not answering or even reading PMs, really. I'm just here to lay down a little update.
Maybe, I'll look at them, if I'm ever in a good mood but my life is in ruins and everyone I know hates me. Maybe, they always hated me?
I had several friends once. One betrayed me and outright said that they never considered me a friend to begin with and they just wanted to make me suffer because they're sadistic like that. They ended up rallying their minions against me. Beware of the nice ones.
I met one recently who was nice and understanding. But, they're gone forever.
I think the universe is trying to send me a message. I should retreat into the mountains and not speak to anyone as no one would ever like someone like me. Not for long at-least.
For the most part, I'm probably not going to use these forums, every-time someone mentions bones or their lives getting messed up, it makes me paranoid as all hell.
When people talk about how great their lives are, it just reminds me of how terrible mine is.
Some of the attempts to "reassure me" spectacularly backfire, as many simply can't relate to someone far, far younger.
And I sifted through hundreds of topics. You do know that my defence mechanism is to completely shut down any thought of that kind, right? Well, everywhere I go on these forums, people constantly talk about transitions or leap in my face with apparent solutions.
Ramble. Ramble. Sparkle. Sparkle.
Okay. So, onto the important part. I'm now completely friendless and mainly deal with countless transphobes everyday. Because that's what the internet is all about, it seems x.x
Fat's accumulating on my chest, but I assume it's from eating a lot.
It sticks out when I stand up, but gets sucked in when I lie down. I don't understand it.
My skin's getting all dry and hard. It went away for a while when I came to this country, but apparently my skin is as bad as always. No clue to solve that o.o
I'm taking even more pills because quantity is everything. With any luck, something might happen. Is round good? Or does every human have round ones? I don't really know.
The right one seems a lot rounder than the left and the round one has the pointy thing in the middle of the mound rather than off to the side.
Every-time I looked at my bones, I nearly have a panic attack, so I always keep them covered. It alleviates the panic to some extent. I don't have any bare skin except for my arms. Unless, I'm under a blanket o.o
Goooodbbbyyyyeee, I'll probably say something again in a month or two o.o
I hope my friend comes back. I probably don't deserve it. I'm half-insane. Worrying about bones and all sorts of stupid things. And my emotions are super unstable from hormones.
Speaking of which, I'm doing a surprisingly good job of controlling my emotions now. Shocking o.o
But, at-least I can shove it to the back of my mind a lot of the time, as-long as something related isn't mentioned. Mm.
