In my teens I would make money over the summer by throwing hay bales for a local farm. Every so often an older brother of the family would help by driving the truck through the fields while we loaded it with bales. He must have been in his late 60's at the time and had crutches due to polio, and let's say a bit of fowl mouth and a strange sense of humor. He would drive me and the other hands out to the more distant fields, and when he did we would travel in silence until he would start up with a story out of nowhere.
This is one of my favorites (I'll clean it up a bit):
SO, I was coming back from visiting a working girl in Quebec.
I rode the train up, but one wasn't coming back soon so I was hitchhiking.
This old fella in a Packard stopped and said he was going my direction, so I hopped in.
We gabbed for a while and I just happened to notice that he had these two switches screwed into his dashboard, one was marked 'Takeoff' and the other 'Land'.
Of course, being young I asked what they were for.
He told me that they were there 'just in case'.
Of course I had to ask 'just in case' of what?
He said, 'just in case this car can fly.'
Then, because I was young, and I couldn't help myself, I told him I thought he was full of it, and went on saying: 'this old heap doesn't have wings, no propeller, no rudder or flaps, no altimeter and it's just too darn heavy to fly.
All the old guy did was look at me for a minute, and then he asked me if I knew men couldn't have babies.
By this point I thought I was riding with a crazy man and just stared at him.
He went on: 'Well, you know men don't have a womb'.
'Yep' I said.
'And no ovaries so they don't make eggs.'
I nod.
'And no vagina, for well, you know.'
I just stay quiet.
And he stays quiet for a while longer, until I'm just about ready to jump out of the moving car.
Finally, he says to me:
Well, even though men can't have babies because they don't have a womb, and they don't have ovaries to make eggs, and no vagina for well, you know...
God, in his infinite wisdom, gave men nipples, Just In Case.
