Mom complained about disheveled hair, forced me to get a short style

[redhot1]

It's been a month ago, and I wanted to find ways to subtly feminize or androgynous my look without having to directly say to anyone that I'm "different".

I was growing out my hair for a few months (and I have naturally curly hair) and mom started to say it looks awkward and disheveled. She forced me into getting a shorter style. I tried to convince her that it was just an "awkward hair phase" and I can't come up with any good arguments, because she take mine down. I don't have extreme discomfort with my body, so it's not a huge deal, but it's real annoying how she won't let me style it the way I wanted.

I also have a history of neglecting my physical appearance. How can I do more to convince my mom to be quiet about it?

[Dena]

If you are not out to your mother, you don't have any options. If you are out, go to Hair Finder, find the style you want and show it to your mother. If she is agreeable, get your hair trimmed using that picture to show what to cut and what not to. This is how I am getting my cutter to produce the style I want.

[Angela Drakken]

Is she going to pin you down and cut it herself?

Until she does I'd just stick with 'Its my hair. Deal with it.'

[redhot1]

No, I'm not good with arguments. She takes down any argument she doesn't find approoriate.

[Selenakyle]

Ugh. This is the worst. As a mom, I believe kids need autonomy over their own appearance.

[Angela Drakken]

Ugh. This is the worst. As a mom, I believe kids need autonomy over their own appearance.

Right? My mother and father shaved mine and my brothers heads if it ever grew longer than a quarter inch. Until I felt confident enough to tell them off I spent much of my life bald like eleven from 'Stranger Things'

Ive basically been cutting my own hair since. (With my gfs help when I need it.)

No, I'm not good with arguments. She takes down any argument she doesn't find approoriate.

It shouldnt be an arguement. Just explain to her your hair is on your head and you should be allowed to decorate yourself however you see fit.

She doesnt really have a leg to stand on.

[Tessa James]

One path I have suggested before is to ask how she imagines you will learn to think for yourself and be accountable for your decisions if you cannot make any???  When do you learn about choices and consequences in real time?

A primary role of a parent is to help prepare us for independent living.  When do you get to practice independent thinking and making choices?  She does seem to offer you plenty of opportunities to practice a calm and thoughtful if argumentative style.  I imagine you will love college where classes in critical thinking, reasoned debate and argumentative writing styles are part of the curriculum.

Till that time I recommend you be persistently assertive and calmly keep working toward self actualization.  Do you do any art?  Create a collage of styles you admire, draw yourself on paper and keep it private or put it up on your bedroom wall.  Imagine your future and who you are becoming.

[Selena]

I'm so sorry. This is a really hard position to be in. I would agree with Angela though, there comes a time where you NEED to take a stand and let your parents know you can make your own decisions. That is true of everyone, not just trans kids.


I had the same issue when I was young. My parents gave me a buzz cut constantly until I was 12. All I wanted was long hair and they wouldn't allow it. It was about this time that Everything got too much and I fought tooth and nail for anything I could do to feminize. They literally tried to hold me down and cut my hair. I had to resort to violence. I hope for your sake that you do not have to go through that. Best of luck.