Hi there all of you beautiful people!
I've been stalking and lurking on this forum for years now, but never signed up or introduced myself... so better late than never
My name is Louisa... I am 33, and started my outward journey about 1.5 years ago. I knew I was a girl inside back when I was in my early teens and fooling around with boys, but grew up in what I thought was a pretty conservative Catholic family. So - I did what a lot of people do and pushed everything deep down inside and probably overcompensated to a large degree - grew a beard, rode motorcycles, built cars, drank lots of beer, etc. I still denied everything that was inside me, although it would find ways to come out at least a couple times a year - buying clothes then throwing them away, trying makeup then shaming myself for doing so, etc. I actually had some pretty life-threatening moment that people saved me from and still couldn't find the courage to speak out - even to my closest friends and family. I spent my life being a wreck, but then moved country, got married, bought a house, built a great career, all of that stuff...
So... move forward to the present. I have been in therapy for about 6 months and it has been great. I am actually in a pretty bad marriage and I've allowed myself to get lost in it - not just my gender, but my whole self/personality so I am building the courage to have those tough conversations about going our separate ways (which have started a couple of weeks ago). I started to tell people close to me about who I really am about 1.5yrs ago, and they have been so incredibly supportive! So far (touch wood) I have not had one person, not one, that has shown disgust or wanting to stop being in my life so I feel incredibly lucky in that respect. I know that there will be some that will not be as accepting but I feel great about where I am currently.
My plan is to untangle myself from the cobweb of this fake life I have built, and start taking steps and making changes within the next few months. I dream of the day that I can live full time as me - Louisa - and not just "pass" (although who cares what other people think), but truly feel that my outside matches my inside, and where I can be accepting of myself and internally happy! Thank you for everyone's posts over the last few years as this has been an amazing resource for someone so hidden as myself.
This is a crazy long journey, therefore I hope to be able to financially contribute to this site (when I am actually allowed control of my finances again
) and be a written contributor here for some time. So - there's my intro!
I am Lu/Louisa, I am proud and crazy fun for all that care to know me
Oh and here are some recent pics:
http://imgur.com/a/tRuOGhttp://imgur.com/a/Ih4inAlso - sorry to the moderators for using language that isn't permitted. I have further edited my post.
