Toni:
I found that the worst time of transition was before transition. I had all kinds of anxieties that didn't turn out to be well-founded.
And they certainly won't be laughing at you at the dr's or the psych's office. They're professionals and this is their job. Plus you probably won't be the first to walk in the door with this issue, and you most definitely don't have the most unusual issue. You won't be judged, don't worry about it.
It is a really stressful time, though, and I know I didn't find a good way of calming my anxieties other than just facing each one, one at a time. You'll get through it
You have a supportive SO, too, which is more than many of us had. Three weeks after I realized I was trans, I went to a therapy appointment. At the first appointment we dealt with my issues about it and planned to discuss strategies to talk to my wife of 7 years. On the way back from the appointment, she kept demanding to know why I'd gone to see a therapist. I finally told her. She immediately dumped me and we sat through the remainder of the three hour drive in silence, broken only by her tears. Then she packed and moved out, only to return a week later to tell me to get out of the house. So give your partner a great big hug, tell her you love her and let her help you through this. With her support, you can do anything.
I thought before I transitioned that I'd lose my job, or at the very least be a laughing stock in court and when I dealt with clients (I'm a lawyer). I thought my mother would disown me, my friends would leave me, and my marriage would break up. Only one of them happened. My mother is wonderfully supportive (although she had a hard time at first, but her friends were so cool about my transition that she got past that). My friends have all stuck with me. One even went to San Fran with me to be my caregiver for chest surgery. My employer was a dream, and I didn't lose a single client. In fact, I got gifts and cards with congratulations on being me and being brave enough to be me.
I now live full time as male. Probably 40% of my clients know my past because they knew me before. The others just think I'm some young twinkie and are completely amazed when I tell them I'm 43. I had another lawyer come up to me and say "you know, I didn't get the whole Dennis/Denise thing when I heard about it, but now I see you and you look so much happier as yourself, I get it."
It can't be underestimated, the feeling you get when you finally know that people are actually seeing you as you. I didn't think I could bear this centre of attention, very public transition (and public puberty - geez, getting kidded about zits and your voice cracking at 43 is an unusual experience to say the least), but it wasn't that bad after all. I think at first people were kind of wondering what was going to happen (I'm the first really public FtM transition in our small town), but once they got used to me starting to look and sound like a teenaged boy, people just accepted it.
Hang in there, and feel free to post for support whenever you need it.
Dennis
