Feel butterflies after asking about therapy

[redhot1]

Well, today the topic of being Trans came up with me and my mom. I feel a little bit of guilt for making her sad. I hope I'm not this way, but at the same time, I want to figure this stuff out. Even though it didn't end in a terrible note, I still got butterflies.

What I was trying to explain the whole time, I want to be sure the desire to be a woman isn't just some fleeting fantasy.

[SailorMars1994]

There ya go. Baby steps!

[CarlyMcx]

You joined this forum and started posting here in July of 2014.  Two and a half years, even on and off, is not just some fleeting fantasy.

Your posts show evidence of internal conflict between what you would want to do if there were no consequences involved (be a pretty girl) on the one hand, and what others expect of you (mainly your parents) on the other hand.

I can't tell you how to resolve this conflict.  But I can tell you that going into denial by deciding that you are not transgender does not seem to be working -- because you keep coming back here.

You really need to see the gender therapist, and be totally honest with him or her.  If you do get diagnosed transgender, then wonderful!  You get to start hormones and live as a woman at a young enough age that it will really mean something to your life.  And if it turns out that you are not transgender and that this is the product of something else, then wonderful!  You can address that, put two and a half years of worry behind you, and get on with whatever else you want to do.

[Floof]

I feel like a broken record in a lot of threads but.. Therapy, definitely. I'm with CarlyMcx on this, you absolutely need to see one and work these things out, IMO by far the best course of action. Whatever you decide to do, and I hope that you chose to take CarlyMcx's advice, best of luck on your journey <3

[Mariah]

The butterflies are just nerves and yes seeing one would be a good idea for you. Hugs
Mariah

[RachelH]

I will echo what others have said.  The first time I went to a GT was less than 6 months ago and I was excited, nervous, scared, wanted to back out all in a short time.  When you go they will make YOUR feel comfortable and you will ultimately decide what to share and when.  I resisted therapy for a very long time for similar reasons and I promise it does not get easier trying to handle it on your own.  I am educated and successful but I still needed help and still do!  A good therapist may even help you develop easy to discuss it with your mom.
Paula

[MissGendered]

You joined this forum and started posting here in July of 2014.  Two and a half years, even on and off, is not just some fleeting fantasy.

Your posts show evidence of internal conflict between what you would want to do if there were no consequences involved (be a pretty girl) on the one hand, and what others expect of you (mainly your parents) on the other hand.

I can't tell you how to resolve this conflict.  But I can tell you that going into denial by deciding that you are not transgender does not seem to be working -- because you keep coming back here.

You really need to see the gender therapist, and be totally honest with him or her.  If you do get diagnosed transgender, then wonderful!  You get to start hormones and live as a woman at a young enough age that it will really mean something to your life.  And if it turns out that you are not transgender and that this is the product of something else, then wonderful!  You can address that, put two and a half years of worry behind you, and get on with whatever else you want to do.

I agree with everything Carly wrote above, hun...

Actions often speak farrrr more than words, lol..

Now, I have to say, though, that reading your posts and following your saga has given me a new perspective on my own teen years...

I have often said that if I had known the things that are now widely known as a teenager, I would have forced my way into transition immediately. Had my parents admitted that they had 'chosen' to raise me as a boy instead of a girl, back then, I would have immediately stood up and demanded they correct their mistake and let me be the girl I was actually born to be...

But, after reading your latest post, I have stopped and reconsidered. What you said, that you felt 'guilty for making your Mom sad', that is a powerful testimony to just how desperately we need our parents approval as kids. Maybe even if they had admitted that they had chosen to raise me as a boy, the power of their disapproval of me being a girl would have made me want to avoid 'making them sad' and I would have doubled down on my efforts to act like a boy, to please them. Maybe I would have, maybe not, but I had never really pondered just how much influence my mother had on me with her emotions and approval. My dad? Meh, screw him. But my Mom, omg, I lived to please her. An impossible task, really, but that was the name of the game for me back then..

So, Redhot1, thank you. Your experience has given me a window into my past, and given me pause, and a chance to lessen my absolutist view on how things would have been, if...

I hope you get to that gender therapist, and embrace whatever truth you might uncover there. You are worth it!

Missy

[redhot1]

Thanks, but I have other stuff going on too, so I may not get to see a GP till a month or so.

[Tessa James]

Wow Redhot that is a huge step.  Congratulations!

[RachelH]

Thanks, but I have other stuff going on too, so I may not get to see a GP till a month or so.

We'll, for what for what it's worth, I am sure most can help you with more than these types of issues.  I talk to mine about everything from this to work to family.  I would encourage you to find a therapist who specializes in gender issues, but not exclusively.
Best wishes!!!