Just one quick little update o.o

[Xirafel]

I'm back momentarily o-o

Sooooo... my pills are going to run out in exactly 12 days
And my super friend still hates me x.x
I'm kind of thinking of ways to stop the proto-breasts from regressing o.o


I could burn that thing badly and I heard the body goes into fat preservation mode, if you starve it o.o
The breasts seem to be primarily made out of fat, although the pointy bit seems to be changing in some way, hm...
I'll need to find a way to convince my psychologist... What more could I do to convince her? Do I need to take some drastic action to prove it?

Oh, and they want me to get rid of my hair. It's too long, apparently x.x
They passed down their decree from the mountain top x.x

[LizK]

I'm back momentarily o-o

Sooooo... my pills are going to run out in exactly 12 days
And my super friend still hates me x.x
I'm kind of thinking of ways to stop the proto-breasts from regressing o.o


I could burn that thing badly and I heard the body goes into fat preservation mode, if you starve it o.o
The breasts seem to be primarily made out of fat, although the pointy bit seems to be changing in some way, hm...
I'll need to find a way to convince my psychologist... What more could I do to convince her? Do I need to take some drastic action to prove it?

Oh, and they want me to get rid of my hair. It's too long, apparently x.x
They passed down their decree from the mountain top x.x

Glad to see you back and posting. Sorry things didn't work out with your friend... why does the psychologist need convincing? Is she not happy to write you a letter for HRT? Has she given you a reason Part of the problem could be that drastic action could lead you to a situation where, if they consider you are a real threat to yourself, the choice could be taken away from you completely. Take care of yourself


Liz

[Xirafel]

htrhrtjrjtuktty
i was looking for ways to get rid of the vile substance, that evil evil disgusting vile substance...
i thought i could cut off some of the elements needed for it's formation, but the stupid thing only uses carbon, hydrogen and oxygen x.x
why couldn't it use something obscure like magnesium or zinc? x.x

apparently, it increases in females when in love x.x
5y5u5u56uhhrhry665
im way super super too emotionally unstable when it's high, my emotions have gottten wwwaaaayyy supppeeerrr better when i moved onto the second box and super upped the dosage o.o
maybe, the first box was defective :O

[Xirafel]

If she dares, I will destroy her in court. I have enough evidence to send her to prison for daring to break the law as it is, the things she's done. Uh, anyway... That has nothing to do with this at all, she simply says that I'm not based on not ticking all her boxes x.x

I had to go behind her back to even get these pills x.x
So, I need world-shaking super convincing evidence o.o

[Xirafel]

Also, all I have to do is get a knife, cut it open and stab the bad parts until they stop working. Do the job so thoroughly that no surgeon can fix it.

[Xirafel]

I'm sssuuuupppeeeerrrr adddiiicccttteeedd to estrogen x.x
And did you know? I almost never ate before these pills. I rarely ever felt hungry, but now I'm always hungry. I'm super super bony like a skeleton o.o

For the past five months, I've mostly just been lying in bed with a nightdress. Nice and comfortable. Is it me or are the bad clothes becoming worse and worse particularly on the breasts? The sensation is weirdly icky

do you know why I post here...? i kind of want reassurance and solutions not to be told that my psychologist is plotting to lock me up or to be told that I'm a raving lunatic o.o
am i better off dead after-all? I have a bottle of bleach nearby, if it's all hopeless..

[Xirafel]

i think night is the time of the day that most affects your mind
Me: that most affects my mind?
mm
in the afternoons you're like yayyy
at the mornings you're like "oh..so tired...where is my pillow? ..
night you're like "i'm  such an ->-bleeped-<-, i don't deserve to live... i hate my body, bad thoghts, anxiety"

o.o

[Tessa James]

Please don't hurt yourself, change for the better can happen

[Xirafel]

the m..meanies are scarry... t..they..said horrible things like the bad names for an hour..
and they think im a <Not Permitted> for hating this ugly disgusting body..

[josie76]

I know you feel like your in a terrible place, BUT the only way forward with what you want in life is to get ahold of your emotions. Hurting yourself now will only put you in a worse situation. You will have less control than you do now.

I'm sorry things have been so rough for you. We here all wish you the best. All we can do is give you a place to vent and tell you we care about you. Please stay strong.

[Xirafel]

i managed to postpone my execution.. i delayed them stripping me of my long hair..
<Mod Edit:Segment removed>

..so..hot..and..weary..
if I have surgery, ill probably be confined to a hospital bed for a couple of weeks.. can I take my computer with me? the hospital people won't try to rob me, will they...? a cleaner in a hotel did that once.. my computer is my most prixed possession...other than my pills... pills.... come back... my friend...please come back too..

[Tessa James]

i managed to postpone my execution.. i delayed them stripping me of my long hair..
<Mod Edit:Segment removed>

..so..hot..and..weary..
if I have surgery, ill probably be confined to a hospital bed for a couple of weeks.. can I take my computer with me? the hospital people won't try to rob me, will they...? a cleaner in a hotel did that once.. my computer is my most prixed possession...other than my pills... pills.... come back... my friend...please come back too..

Sweetie we can understand pain and problems but please don't knock on the features, presentation or voice of other possibly trans people out there.  Like you we are doing the best we can to be ourselves in a sometimes unkind world.

[Xirafel]

..I can imagine looking like that.. I'm doomed..

[Xirafel]

i feel worthless, as if there's no reason for my existence..
everything i had was taken away from me.. and the little i got back will be taken away too..

[Tessa James]

Even the best fortune tellers have trouble forecasting an accurate future.  Sure sounds like a very dark vision for you at this time.  I hope you will be able to turn toward the lighter and brighter side of the road.  It feels a little less bumpy here too

[Xirafel]

Okay, the results. I have a card thingy for the university, I look atrocious on it x.x
Being mean makes me feel bad, it's my double-edged sword
It's almost time for another pill.. the numbers keep dwindling... pills... pills... pills...more..MORE.. o.O o.o O.o

my..pills..pwills..im normal now but..who knows what im capable of without them o.o
i gave you my predictions of what will happen

there was a scene in higurashi where the villagers claw their own throats out from the village's curse... no it won't be that bad, I don't have much against my throat anyway, asides from that stupid voice o.o

[Xirafel]

my voices keeps breaking when I try to speak too high..

[Xirafel]

YT says to keep trying a high pitch over and over and it'll eventually lock in and that'll be that but I lose any access to the higher pitches within minutes. And my voice sounds bizarre and fake x.x

I'm getting worried... It won't be long until the pills run out.. I'm thinking that maybe it'll be a good idea to start burning that thing again. Maybe, I can slow down the regression... To stop that horrible drug from getting into my brain..

[SidneyAldaine]

Of course you lose pitch after few moments, your vocal chords are set for a lower voice. I would first practice intonation and then gradually move my pitch up, since your voice can't be pressured so much.

You can try the high pitch method but it works only as long as you bring your voice down, gradually, from that Mickey Mouse voice to something comfortable. Also, supporting your Adam's apple with fingers and pushing it slightly up helps. Ummm...

Odoslané z Moto G (4) pomocou Tapatalku

[Xirafel]

Intonation? What's that?

I'm singing along, if I imitate it well enough then maybe it'll sound more authentic. Maybe, assuming my throat isn't too damaged from that evil drug that stupid thing produces.
Pushing up, okay I'll try that o-o

Odoslané z Moto G (4) pomocou Tapatalku

If I had to guess from the thing at the end, you're using Tapatalk.