Hi everyone,
Thank you for the replies and support. It really is amazing having so many wonderful people to talk to and confide in who know exactly what I'm going through. I'm working up the nerve to talk to my wife about things, and eventually come out at work as well. I've learned a lot from some of the other forums that I have been on, and not really sure what took me so long to find this page as well.
I mentioned briefly in my first post that I thought I had determined years ago that I was not transgender... I would like to elaborate on that a little. Years ago when I was learning about all of these lifestyles, before there were supports sites like these to learn so easily and directly from other girls like myself; I read about how many girls who were seeking transition, hated sex and despised their male parts. At the time, I had been sexually active for a few years already and wouldn't say that I disliked having sex with woman. I assumed that my pleasure ruled out the idea that I could possibly be a "legitimate transgender" and I tried my best to push the idea as far from my mind as possible.
Fast forward almost 15 years later, these desires never truly left, no matter how hard I tried to get rid of them. My inner most voice never fully felt comfortable, even as I got married and tried to start planning a family. As my wants and needs got too powerful to ignore any longer, I begun to reach out for help online, and found what many of you already know.... that it isn't necessarily abnormal to have found sexual satisfaction, that having what society considers a "normal family" doesn't disqualify me from being who deep down I feel that I really am. Obviously, this realization has caused me, like it has so many others, some major confusion. Everything I thought I knew (or at least tried to believe) about myself feels like a complete falsehood. Thankfully, the support that I have received through other websites like this, as well as my therapist, has helped me become comfortable with the idea that 'Craig' isn't who I am meant to be...
...Now to convince those who know me to understand this. The positive thing is that we have a few friends who can help both my wife and I to understand everything. We are part of a Rocky Horror cast, and our Frank is pre-op MtF, additionally one of our crew members who my wife has become very close with is gender-neutral; additionally another member of the group, who we aren't as close with, is pre-op FtM . Once everything is out in the open, we will definitely reach out to them for some advice and support.
