Hello everyone,
I am a 33 year old, who is married to a woman. When I was younger, I experimented with dressing up when I was home alone, at one point I toyed with the idea that it was something more serious to me than just dressing up, but thought that I determined quickly that I was not transgender, I just really loved the feeling of wearing woman's clothes.
As I grew older and begun to have more serious relationships, I found less and less time in which I could dress up and eventually completely phased it out of my life for a while. I still had the occasional urge, but I buried it as best as I could. Since November, I have not been able to shake the strong desire to dress up again. But the problem is that I have no safe place in which I can dress or even a place where I could hide my outfits from my wife as I do not feel she would be supportive of my desires. I considered the idea of renting both a PO Box to have clothes shipped to as well as a safe deposit box at the bank in which I could hide my purchases, but this would be ridiculously expensive. I joined a couple crossdresser support websites and learned a lot about who I really am. I have also started seeing a therapist to address this as well as some general depression that I have been going through. I have since reopened the door to considering that I may actually be transgendered and I have begun to research on the possibility of transitioning, once I come out of course.
My biggest problems are that I am quite large and hairy. At 6'2, 320 lbs, with a 52″ waist and size 12 shoes. Then, if you have you ever seen a picture of the wrestler George the Animal Steele? My chest, back, behind and legs are about as hairy as him. Due to my living situation, it's impossible to do anything about removing this hair, especially since my wife loves the hairiness.
I can go into a lot more detail of some of the problems that I have personally, but I don't want to get too deep in an introductory email. I'm looking forward to making some new friends and maybe learning some tips that could help me expand my desires and satisfy my urges.

Hi Crystal 

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Hugs

V M

Welcome, Crystal! You definitely have the opportunity to make new friends here and to connect with people who have similar challenges. (I am tall, skinny, almost twice your age, with very sparse body hair. Nonetheless, no one has called me "ma'am" since I was about 12.) There are a number of us here who have a wife that is not open (or probably not open) to the idea of either cross-dressing or having a transgender spouse. But, some here have a wife who started that way and became supportive over time. You will definitely want to bring these things up with your therapist. Above all, remember that you don't have to do it all today. Baby steps each day will bring you farther along, faster, than you might ever imagine.

Thanks for sharing this much with us.  Please keep sharing as you can.

Hugs,
Jackie

Welcome Crystal!

I hope you get some comfort from realising that you are not alone. Having a slightly neurotic personality made me think that I must be all or nothing. I have since come to accept that Transgender is a term for those of us who have a transvestic fetish, those of us who are cross dressers and those of us who after much soul searching, feel that embarking on transition itself is the most appropriate course of action.

Your story resonates with me when you mentioned all the plans you are making to send your girls clothes to a PO Box etc. I believe there are two attractions to female clothes, how they look and how they feel. Personally I think it is easier to explain to your female other that you are drawn to how they feel. It's our secrets which eat away at us. Maybe next time you are having an intimate moment with your wife you can say how her neglige feels so sexy, and joke that is is a shame they don't make them for men. I guess I'm trying to say we should be light hearted about this stuff, after all it is fun, is it not?

There really is no crime in all this stuff, just that in my case I had a remarkable ability to judge myself.

All the best Crystal x

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the replies and support. It really is amazing having so many wonderful people to talk to and confide in who know exactly what I'm going through. I'm working up the nerve to talk to my wife about things, and eventually come out at work as well. I've learned a lot from some of the other forums that I have been on, and not really sure what took me so long to find this page as well.

I mentioned briefly in my first post that I thought I had determined years ago that I was not transgender... I would like to elaborate on that a little. Years ago when I was learning about all of these lifestyles, before there were supports sites like these to learn so easily and directly from other girls like myself; I read about how many girls who were seeking transition, hated sex and despised their male parts. At the time, I had been sexually active for a few years already and wouldn't say that I disliked having sex with woman. I assumed that my pleasure ruled out the idea that I could possibly be a "legitimate transgender" and I tried my best to push the idea as far from my mind as possible.

Fast forward almost 15 years later, these desires never truly left, no matter how hard I tried to get rid of them. My inner most voice never fully felt comfortable, even as I got married and tried to start planning a family. As my wants and needs got too powerful to ignore any longer, I begun to reach out for help online, and found what many of you already know.... that it isn't necessarily abnormal to have found sexual satisfaction, that having what society considers a "normal family" doesn't disqualify me from being who deep down I feel that I really am. Obviously, this realization has caused me, like it has so many others, some major confusion. Everything I thought I knew (or at least tried to believe) about myself feels like a complete falsehood. Thankfully, the support that I have received through other websites like this, as well as my therapist, has helped me become comfortable with the idea that 'Craig' isn't who I am meant to be...

...Now to convince those who know me to understand this. The positive thing is that we have a few friends who can help both my wife and I to understand everything. We are part of a Rocky Horror cast, and our Frank is pre-op MtF, additionally one of our crew members who my wife has become very close with is gender-neutral; additionally another member of the group, who we aren't as close with, is pre-op FtM . Once everything is out in the open, we will definitely reach out to them for some advice and support.

Welcome to the club Crystal.  I hope your wife can come to accept your identity.  I'm glad you are coming to terms with it.  It's tough. Believe me. I know.

Quote from: Yanira on February 12, 2017, 08:50:51 AM
I have since come to accept that Transgender is a term for those of us who have a transvestic fetish,

Disagree. 
1.  Transvestite is a pejorative term in the transgender community.  Cross dresser is preferred.

2.  While there certainly are people who can develop a fetish for an item of women's clothing, like worshiping a pair of women's shoes for example, it is not at all representative of the transgender experience.  Being transgender is about accepting one's most essential identity.  Not a fetish.

Quote from: Yanira on February 12, 2017, 08:50:51 AM
I have since come to accept that Transgender is a term for those of us who have a transvestic fetish, those of us who are cross dressers and those of us who after much soul searching, feel that embarking on transition itself is the most appropriate course of action.

Please be aware that referring to transgender persons as having a transvestic fetish is incorrect, and some may take it as an insult.

A fetish is defines as Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.

Transvestic fetishism is a psychiatric diagnosis applied to those who are thought to have an excessive sexual or erotic interest in cross-dressing.  It is categorized as a paraphilia in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of the American Psychiatric Association.

Transgender persons tend to dress opposite their assigned at birth gender not as a sexual gratification mechanism, but simply to align their gender presentation with their gender identity, which doesn't happen to match their assigned at birth gender.  This is done to try and provide some relief from gender dysphoria, what the gender therapist Anne Vitale PhD. refers to as Gender Expression Deprivation  Anxiety Disorder (GEDAD)

Gender Dysphoria is not considered a paraphilia in the DSM.  A person with Gender Dysphoria may be psychologically healthy, with their anxiety or depression originating from social pressures and rejection, external sources rather than internal psychological pressures.

Names matter.  Words matter.  Please try to exercise more care in the future.  Thanks!




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I'm sorry if my choice of words caused any upset, it was certainly not my intention to cause any harm. 

Hi Yanira,

Don't worry sweetie, no harm done....

(Hugs)

Rowan