Relationship help.

[Bzjames1989]

Please help,

I am a ftm and getting close to my 1.5 year mark on hormone treatment. While I am very happy about that I find myself lost when it comes to my spouse. I work 40+ hours a week(a two hour drive each way)  haven't seen my therapist in nearly 4 months, and my wife is in constant physical pain, we think fibromialga, and a cycling depression. We have a 8.5 month old daughter and as you can imagine this makes life hectic.

My wife doesn't work and it is the rare day that she can actually do anything beyond take care of our daughter.  Our home has gone from slightly cluttered to a complete mess. When I am home she sleeps and I care for our daughter, I try to clean, but some days I just try to focus on a anything but the piles of laundry and undone dishes. At night I get up with our daughter becouse she encourages constant napping through the day.

I have slept 8 hours in the last 48, my wife has slept close to 17, and I am looking for some level clear mindedness on this because where I have been sympathetic to her pain over the years I find myself fuming becouse I can't find more than 10 min to take a shower without the baby crying and her coming out of our room acting like I am the worst possible parent for leaving her in her play pen, or when I go to fix her a bottle.

I have tried to talk with her about it off handedly and she gets so upset and feels like a horrible mother and spouse. I tell her she isn't but I am still left stuck in the same spot. Please she'd some light on my situation becouse I have tomorrow off then it's back to a rotating schedule where I work morning, mid and grave shifts.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. This is a common non trans problem that many couples deal with. Determining who does what in a marriage often results in arguments and has been responsible for the breakups of many marriages. I would suggest couples consoling so you can find ways that your wife can take some of the load off you.

You will also need to budget your time efficiently so you can accomplish the most in the least amount of time. I learned a long time ago that it's possible to avoid much of the clutter when I was spending a good deal of time in a motor home. You only take out what you need and you put it back when you are done with it. As the clutter already exist, when you are walking by it or if you have a couple of free minutes, you pick up a few items. Naturally, both you and your wife will need contribute. I understand you wife may have limits but she should contribute what she can.

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[LizK]

Hi Bzjames1989

Babies are tough!, Your wife sounds like she suffers from a pretty debilitating disease. Painful as well. You are working a full week and in order for your wife to get enough rest to manage the kids for the following week you are at work she need to rest.

But what about you? where does your space fit in here. Do you have a close friend or relative that can take care of the baby for a few hours or over night whilst you and your wife just go some rest. Babies are really hard work and even harder when 1 partner has a chronic condition. I think you need some help if only to let you rest. Asking for help is OK. If you can find some time to also look after each other that may go a long way to making you both feel a little better.

Liz