I can't deal with my current identity

[KarlMars]

I know damn well I had a distinctive identity on the other side or maybe several. I just can't cope with the identity I was born with here on Earth and people who love me for who they THINK I am. No one I know in this real life really knows who I am. My physical body will never reflect who I am and how I feel in this lifetime. This goes beyond gender.

[FTMax]

Do you feel that way because of lack of access, or because it is simply not possible to do?

[KarlMars]

Do you feel that way because of lack of access, or because it is simply not possible to do?

There is no lack of access for me- at least not at this time. I just feel like having the whole medical transition done will not be enough for me, but I could be wrong.

[FTMax]

Speaking from my experience and the experience of other post transition guys I've spoken to, medical transition is about your future and improving your quality of life so that you can have a happier future going forward. It can't fix the childhood you were robbed of, the experiences you will never get to have, or the fact that you are inherently different from most men. But is that a good enough reason not to do it?

For me, it was either I didn't transition at all and eventually would've committed suicide or transition all the way in hopes that life would be better on the other side. So far, life is better. It doesn't stop me from getting depressed when I think about how unfair it is to be trans, but it did at least get rid of me wanting to die.

FWIW, I have never heard from any trans guy who has completely medically transitioned and regrets any of it, even if it isn't everything that they hoped it would be.

[Kylo]

I know damn well I had a distinctive identity on the other side or maybe several. I just can't cope with the identity I was born with here on Earth and people who love me for who they THINK I am. No one I know in this real life really knows who I am. My physical body will never reflect who I am and how I feel in this lifetime. This goes beyond gender.

It's a fact of life that nobody alive will ever know you as well as you know yourself. Not even close to how well you know yourself. And people will always instinctively fill in the blanks either by assuming or ignoring that about you they don't know. I wouldn't get hung up on the fact nobody will be able to see everything you can about yourself. Rather, be grateful that they can't and that you have a measure of privacy and control over what you can present to the world.