hello

[emma?]

hi im phil/emma?.. im 21 y/o im still in a confused phase as to weather im ts or jsut messed up in the head.. honestly at this point and because of my very traditional and christian<southern baptist> raiseing wish it was only messed up in the head...

im begaining to seriously wonder and explore the possiblity of myself being ts. as with my raiseing there isnt really anybody i can turn to atm so here i am..

i dont have many experiances as some of the people have written but heres the things that ive experianced that only serve to add to my confusion latley.

as a prolly 13/14 y/o a few crossdressing experinces which i really enjoyed but hide from my parents as it was for a part in a play so i could hide my enjoyment and never crossed again on accoutn of no reliable cover for when i got found out

as a online gammer ive taken on completely female characteristics in game<playing on  female characters reacting as a female would to situtaions and relatating to others as a female

as for the really confusing parts for me i feel that my emotions are more femine and i tend to cry easily. i put on a tough front and try to live up to the expections placed on my by my family and socity of being a male.. ive seen pictures of women and mentaly gone.. man i wish i was her.. i wish i looked like that..

i found this ealier   <paraphrased> if i doctor could offer a pill to either make you a women or make you satisfied as a male which would you take.... and atm either b/c of denial or raiseing or w/e part of me says w/e jsut to take the confusion away..

also i took the c_____ <other letters poor memory>   and came out as possible 3rd sex or ts by test standards

im sorry for my poor grammer and sentence structures made worse my typos please bear with me
but anyhow this is me. in my current sturggle and i thank you in advance for any advise/insights 

[Jillieann Rose]

Hi Emma,
Welcome to Susan's.
I to am a christian in a very conservative Christian community.
My family, parents, wife and children are also very narrow minded when it comes to transsexuals, which I am.
And yes, I have wished I was

just messed up in the head

.  I to have been a very conserative christian.
I went to a good counselor and have investigated my past and have relived all the painful memories. I do feel better and understand much about my past but all that did was reinforce that I am ts.

if a doctor could offer a pill to either make you a women or make you satisfied as a male which would you take?

First let me say my mind (the thinking and reasoning part) is me and the body is just a shell, a house that I live in. To change my thinking to be a happy male would change who I am and that would be wrong. So I would gladly take a pill to make me a woman outwardly so that my body (the shell, the house is the type I stood live in).
Oh and your intro was fine. There is allot of information here that can help you so please read, read, read.
And do keep posting.
Welcome to Susan's and new friends,
Jillieann

[emma?]

thank you that does help, as has various things ive read and people ive chatted with here at susan's

[Jillieann Rose]

Hi Emma,
That's great!
Don't be in a hurry to try to figure out where you fall in the gender spectrum. At first I thought I was a CD than I thought I was TS than a Bi-Gender. After a few years I have found I have the most in common with other TS's so I must be one.
Anyway God has created each of us as a unique individuals and us Transgender people seem to understand it better than most people.  So don't think of it as a curse but as a gift that needs to be developed.

Jillieann

[Suzy]

Hi, Emma!

Welcome to Susan's!  You will find, as many of us have, that being somewhere on the TS spectrum is a truly spiritual experience.  There are some here who would be happy to talk with you more about this, as you have already seen.

For now, if possible, relax and enjoy the fun times.  Live in the moment when possible.  It helps put things in perspective.  As you join in the conversations and post your questions, you will be on a journey of self discovery that will surely pay big dividends for you.  Just don't feel pressured to fit into anyone's mold.  You are a unique individual.

Again, welcome to Susan's!

Kristi

[tinkerbell]

Hello Emma and welcome to Susan's!

Thanks very much for your introduction.  Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay

tink

[cindybc]

Hi Emmy, welcome to Susan's, ya I would take the pill to, I believe probably any persons that are dysphoric M-F would without hesitation. Certainly would save a lot of money on the surgery.

Yes I quite agree with the spiritual part of it. One would have to be spiritual in nature to get through the transitioning, watching our physical selves changing to suit the spirit self within and then you have SRS. You have to be a strong person to get through the processes.

I am spiritual have been since I was a child, it was the first awareness that came to be, way before I discovered what being transsexual was. But of course the urge and wanting to be a girl has also had it's humble beginnings at a very young age.

I was blessed with two gifts, one experiencing the birth of another life, and also the gift of empathy. I wonder why it is that Yahoo message boards who deal with Empathy and Indigo they are populated with at least 90% female? Sacred Feminin?

Cindy 

[Wing Walker]

Hi, Emma, and welcome to Susan's.  Confusion is, IMHO, an inherent part of being a human.  This place is among those that might help you on your journey to finding out who you really are.

Have you ever considered seeing a gender therapist to help you to figure yourself out?  I understand that you have a conservative upbringing but if you're having problems you might get some help there.

I agree that I was born with a gift and I am thankful to the Creator for having made me as I am, so I enjoy it to the max and I share as much as I can.

I bid you well as you discover who you truly are.

Wing Walker

[emma?]

thanks all for the replies and encouragement
i am saw a  pyshoclogist off the books the other day
i told my parents i needed to see someone didnt give the specifics yet but they wanted an outside opinion as to if i really needed help so they called in a 'favor'
he agreed that i do need to be seeign someone
the point i was at with him was is the depression im going through caused by gid or is my gid secondary to depression
after our talk my depression eased to soem extent and the gid is still as strong if nto stronger
but i do have an appointment sceduled in the next few weeks with a therapist, how knowledgable they are with gid i dunno i guess ill find out, but yea i plan on seeign somebody on a fairly regualr bassis and im not going to hold back and play mind games as i have in previous depressions as now i feel i knnow the true issue

before i was depressed and angrey for no reason i could find, so i played mind games liek they were trying to get into my head and i wouldnt let them by giveing off th ewall answers and shutting them out

but enough is enough the time to face issues is now before i end up leading a more unhealthy life style, ive supressed feelign with drugs in the past to try and self medicate for depression with out knwoign why<atleast i didnt allow my self to think about why>

i spent a long time as a daily pot smoker, and for me that was just the gateway to harder things to contiune to supress feelings its hard to feel anything when mind and body and probaly soul are supressed my a substance, ive been clean for some months now and an realitivly happy
emma

[cindybc]

Hi Emma

I to used pot and alcohol for an escape, more alcohol then anything else, retreating from reality. Even today I question which and what is reality but I do know that there are guidelines one must follow in order to be part or participate in part with contemporary society.

I will admit to one thing, Cindy has done a much better job of it then my previous self could even hope or dream to. I left the other self like the ostrich with it's head in the sand.

Cindy