Dating Men Versus Dating Women

[Kylo]

Nobody taught me to be affectionate to them... I didn't like people touching me, or playing with my hair or anything like that.

Something they learn from female friends?

[Angela Drakken]

Nobody taught me to be affectionate to them... I didn't like people touching me, or playing with my hair or anything like that.

Something they learn from female friends?

I also have no memory of girls being 'taught' to be affectionate to each other..? Some are huggers, some are introverts. It's not a gender marker by any measure. The other side of the coin however, little boys are definitely taught that affection towards each other, or sensitivity in general, is homosexual and a sign of weakness.

As for the OP,

I've always been asexual for the most part, coercing physical intimacy from me of any kind takes a LOT of effort and time. That said, I've always been a lesbian, and this stays true now, likely always will. My therapist has explained to me that sexual preference is highly unlikely to change with HRT and transition. Any drastic swings in preference while, not exactly uncommon, those feelings were always there locked away and only through 'freeing' themselves do they act on it. (I have yet to read any scientific evidence of it being a direct component of HRT, it's probably a psychosomatic or placebo effect. Whatever the reason, feeling liberated and comfortable with yourself, you can't put a price on that!)

[RobynD]

I'm not convinced the swings are psychosomatic seeing all of the anecdotal evidence that we see in these forums and elsewhere, but like you say there is not much in the way of science about it. I suspect it would be a difficult study to pull off. I've always been bisexual but in no way did i expect my attraction to men increase so drastically and the same  to women fall off. My brain had the freedom it had always had. But whatever the cause, i'm quite good with it.

[noleen111]

My change in sexuality was something that shocked me during my transition.

Before my transition, i never really had much a love life. I went on a few dates, i slept with one woman and only once, she was a friend. I decided to have sex when we finished high school, just because.. so that was my love life.

When I started my transition I automatically thought I would be lesbian and did go on a few dates with lesbians, but nothing more. Then I was fixed up with a guy by a friend of a friend in my 3rd year of hrt, he needed a date for a wedding. We clicked and started dating.. I actually had a boyfriend, we dated for about 9 months. It did feel weird when he kissed me or held me for the first time, even holding hands was strange at first.. I was really aware this was a guy. Then I started to like it and i felt at ease being the female in the relationship.. we even slept with each other and learned i loved to be penetrated, ok being pre-op I had limited options.

I never dated anyone again until I was post-op. I had a fling with a bisexual woman. She was a lot older than me, and it was her first experimentation of lesbianism. It was fun and very physical, she had no idea I was born a man. She was an amazing kisser.  . I found myself wanting to be with a man..

Now I am engaged to a wonderful man.. I love having sex with him and I love being his woman.. For me I just fit in the "lady" role in the relationship.. I also love getting flowers and waking up in the morning in arms is heaven.

[RobynD]

Noleen,

Much of what you say resonates with me. Being with a guy is truly different on a physical level. You really know this is a guy, its hard to explain other than that. The first time i walked around holding a guys hand it was so different but felt like  i "should" have been doing this all along. There is nothing bad about being with a woman. Women's bodies are wonderfully sleek and soft, the lack of body hair etc is so different. Kissing a woman is different, making out with a guy you feel that roughness of his facial hair (even if he is freshly shaven).

Now dating a guy the first time after transition, all of those feelings and attractions are intensified. Being Poly is not easy sometimes i really want to be physically driven to be intimate with my wife, but instead my mind goes to him. Oh well, its  a pretty new relationship and some of that is to be expected. It will probably even out over time.

[LexiDreamer]

As bisexual I do not get it either. But it's something noticed if I asked self-declared straight people about it, especially straight males. I know straight females who say they're not attracted to women but don't feel like women's bodies are horrible or anything.

I still haven't discovered what it is about those guys that make them find other men so gross, but considering the reactions of some of them and them being people I know, I think a little of it is fear. If I don't find someone attractive I don't get a gut reaction if someone asks me whether I think they're nice-looking or not. There's no reaction in there to it, really. There either is, or there isn't, but there's never any fear or disgust. Same in the other bi guys I know.

I agree, it is fear. Fear instilled in us by society and religion.
I grew up in a small town and there were NO "homosexuals / queers /  trans" in my high school.
"->-bleeped-<-" or "gay" was an insult and no one wanted to be labeled as anything but "straight and normal". Kids were so cruel.
Of course there had to be "LBGT" kids in my school but we were forced so far deep in the closet, there was no room for tolerance.
I'm in such awe of kids today that can be open about who they are.

I think for men, actually admitting to anything but repulsion (about other men) is viewed as the ultimate sign of weakness. If you'd asked me how I felt about men (sexually) 20 years ago, I would have given the same "repulsive" answer. I was trying so hard to fit the "male mold".

Amazing, the lies people tell them selves in an effort to not feel so different.

[GrayKat]

My change in sexuality was something that shocked me during my transition.

Would you say the HRT itself changed your sexuality or was it finally feeling like a women (psychological)?