Men, or better saying, Man

[Aurorasky]

So, I know this will sound really bad. First out, let me start by saying I am not from the USA.

I transitioned at 18 with no help...My parents were very unaceppeting so I had to start working as a girl  with no name changed (you can see how dangerous that is). So, since in the public hospitals they weren't helping at all, despite telling me to my face I was so femme, and girlish, it was taking forever. So, I decided to seek help out in a clinic. The doctor was awesome, and then I met the therapist. Both allowed me to change my name under the law.

The therapist and I agreed on two appointments per month...He told me I would pay only half of one appointment, due to my situation at home. So I pay 1/4 of what I should basically. My parents now accept but he hasn't changed the payment agreement. Now the tricky part, I feel like we have developed a great chemistry and that we even flirt a bit with each other...I feel uneasy but at the same time, so good.

To clear up, I pass really well. Feminine mannerisms plus a high voice, and light frame helped a lot but gave me torture before. Now it's so much easier. Anyhoo, I really adore the man, he has been nothing but a gentleman. And I honestly feel like we're more getting to know each other and complete the two year wait requirement. He reveals about himself too and he is so sweet.  I love his values. He's also 10 years older than I am, however that's not a problema as I have always loved talking to people older than I am

Because I like him so much, I also don't want to make things hard for him in his profession, so I know I have to thread lightly.

I could see myself falling for him, I even gave him a Christmas card to both of hem, thanking the very special treatment, and he loved it. We are always laughing, smirking at each other, awkwardly blushing...ugh lol

Any thoughts/opinions, am I wrong for feeling this way

[FTMax]

https://psychcentral.com/lib/in-love-with-your-therapist-heres-what-to-do/

If he's a truly professional guy, no relationship will occur between you.

[Aurorasky]

To clarify, I am not saying I would anything while the process is not over. It has to be finished first.

[FTMax]

As I understand it, it would be considered very taboo for a mental health professional to have anything but a professional relationship with someone who was ever their patient. Even if you're no longer in treatment, even if you're no longer using their services.

[AnonyMs]

In general I think its a really bad idea with possibly serious consequences, but if it were me I'd not let that stop me. I'm not sure that's good or not as I'm hardly typical.

Given he's your therapist perhaps you should disclose it? Kind of awkward, but your supposed to talk to your therapist about your life, and if hide things from your therapist then they can't help you. You could end up needing to find a different therapist, and perhaps your situation would make that difficult? Why are you seeing one and whats the consequences if he won't see you anymore?

[Aurorasky]

In general I think its a really bad idea with possibly serious consequences, but if it were me I'd not let that stop me. I'm not sure that's good or not as I'm hardly typical.

Given he's your therapist perhaps you should disclose it? Kind of awkward, but your supposed to talk to your therapist about your life, and if hide things from your therapist then they can't help you. You could end up needing to find a different therapist, and perhaps your situation would make that difficult? Why are you seeing one and whats the consequences if he won't see you anymore?

He knows. He is going to give me the letter  for the surgery.

[WolfNightV4X1]

Apparently it isnt legal to see a therapist romantically even if you stop seeing him as a therapist.

I can see why thats a rule but it seems a little odd, both parties have emotions and its only natural for people to bond with one another even during work. I guess the best course of action would be you cut him as your therapist and see another therapist, and only see him unprofessionally as a love interest. I dont know the legality of that by state but since things are already developing you could cost him his job if you pursue anything with him as things are now

[Aurorasky]

Apparently it isnt legal to see a therapist romantically even if you stop seeing him as a therapist.

I can see why thats a rule but it seems a little odd, both parties have emotions and its only natural for people to bond with one another even during work. I guess the best course of action would be you cut him as your therapist and see another therapist, and only see him unprofessionally as a love interest. I dont know the legality of that by state but since things are already developing you could cost him his job if you pursue anything with him as things are now

I wouldn't do anything until it's not over.

I am not in the USA, though. Here it's just different. The practice is more independent. Also, I only pay a quarter of what I should because he decided so (I was in a terrible situation before - two consultations per month, one for free, another I pay half).

[FTMax]

It sounds like you don't actually want advice and have made up your mind on the subject.

[Aurorasky]

It sounds like you don't actually want advice and have made up your mind on the subject.

I accept everyone's advice. Not saying I am going to act on anything. I'll just see what happens but I will make sure I have everything finished first.

[chance]

I encourage you to talk to your therapist about your feelings then he can talk to you about his and both of you ca discuss the next step you both wish to take.  It is unethical in USA for a mental health professional to see any of their patients/clients before 4 yrs.  And even then it's not a good idea because t is not an equal relationship. By if you pursue you will find that out for yourselves :-)

I also encourage you to find another therapist if you 2 start a romantic relationship because you will need one and I hope you won't let this experience put you off of seeking therapy in the future

Good luck to you!

[AnneK]

I can see why thats a rule but it seems a little odd, both parties have emotions and its only natural for people to bond with one another even during work.

Those professional are in a position of trust, but also in a position to take advantage of the patient.  Those laws are meant to protect the patient.

[Berserk]

I accept everyone's advice. Not saying I am going to act on anything. I'll just see what happens but I will make sure I have everything finished first.

Therapists, counselors, social workers etc. licensed through provincial/state associations or otherwise legitimate state licensing bodies are bound by standards of practice not to engage in personal, romantic or sexual relationships with clients or former clients. This even includes friendships, btw. The reason these standards exist is to avoid people in positions of power taking advantage of vulnerable populations. I don't live in the US either but here as well (as in most countries) there are standards of practice that need to be followed, and failing to do so can result in the practitioner being taken to court and/or losing their license to practice. It doesn't matter if you stop seeing him as a client, often licensing associations will include in their standards of practice that those licensed to practice under them do not engage in outside relationships even with former clients (sometimes they have a time limit on it, for example, for at least 7 years after having worked with a client). Its simply a matter of ethics. And if your therapist is, indeed, flirting with you then its his duty to report that he has feelings for a client. If he does have feelings for you, either he continues to see you as a client while finding a way to ignore his feelings, or he refers you to another therapist (and does not engage in any relationship with you afterwards). There's no way around it, otherwise he is committing a malpractice.

Also, you should note that its very common for clients to become attracted to their therapists. This is frequently called transference. Because the therapist is essentially there to listen to you, to sympathise, and work with you through difficult parts of your life, it can be easy for people who aren't feeling supported elsewhere to feel a connection with their therapist, that their therapist is the only person who cares for them and that they are somehow more "special" to their therapist than any other client. But a therapist needs to do this for all clients, that's their job. To support people, to listen, and help people work through challenges if that's what's needed. And it could be that you're interpreting "flirting" only where you want to see it. As far as him reducing the price, its not unusual for a therapist or counselor to do this if they have a client who is experiencing financial barriers. The only thing he can't do is accept any kind of gift or repayment for reducing your fee. Otherwise, again, it becomes a conflict of interest.

[Janes Groove]

am I wrong for feeling this way

Absolutely not. Transference is 100% natural.

But acting on it is not ok. The problem is we open up to a therapist in ways that are not normal in the course of a regular romantic relationship.  We show the therapist where are buttons are and how to push them.  Not something we do in the course of a romantic courtship.  We give away to much power to a parental-like figure.

It's a power dynamic threshold that should never be crossed.  Just try to forget about it.