And it was surprisingly reminiscent of college...
I went in utterly terrified, and I mean fight or flight adrenaline dump borderline anxiety attack. About an hour later I walked out extremely relieved and with a homework assignment. (also a little shaky from the adrenaline)
Everyone here who spoke highly of Caroline Gibbs didn't go far enough, but then again it's hard even for I to put my praise for her into words. She is simply superb. Apparently she can smell fear and did a great job of making me feel welcome and as at ease as anyone possibly could. Her receptionist, Julie, also does a great job at trying to calm people down and keep things running smoothly.
The session was more or less what I told to expect with a few additions. She was mostly feeling out the what, how, and when of my situation, determining stability, and other baseline sorts of things. She seems very eager to move me right along down the path toward HRT/transition/etc. Plus she invited me to the free group sessions that she hosts, which are of course on a day that I'm typically traveling for work but it's a great opportunity for those rare weeks of mine when I'm home. It would be great to meet the people that have been there and done that.
But most importantly she let me know that I am quite sane, despite my occasional doubts. She also confirmed that my story is extremely similar to so many others in the community. She was also very good at guiding me into poking holes in my fears surrounding transition, coming out, passing, etc. Honestly I'm in a nearly ideal situation to tackle this and I don't want to die a wrinkled old man regretting everything. Saying that out loud and admitting "I am a trans woman" out loud might have been the most emotionally distressing thing I have ever done, I don't know how I kept it together. But it needed to be done, desperately, and I'm so glad she prodded me until I stopped running and faced it right there.
So now I get to read a few books and write an autobiography about this whole mess I was born into. Keeping that under six pages might be a bit tough.
I think I might be able to get used to this finally feeling hopeful thing.
