What awkward situations at work did you experience?

[Denise]

This morning human resources, at my request, announced to our CTO and all the other senior vice presidents in the technology department (where I am) that effective Friday March 3rd, Denise not Dan will be in the building.

Then at 2:00 today my bosses boss will announce to his direct reports who are all the people I work with daily. 

10 days and counting.

Q: What did/do you find as awkward situations at work? And what did you do right and wrong. 

[CrystalMatthews0426]

I'm not in transition yet and very much not out at work. However the other day, I was chatting with my coworkers and I made a comment about something with one of my friends. My coworkers commented that I only ever mention female friends, so I admitted that pretty much all of my friends are female, I've never really had strong friendships with guys (not counting the significant others of my female friends.) Anyway, my coworker then said jokingly "Oh, I guess that's why your so feminine."  I wasn't really sure how to take it, but wasn't offended as her tone didn't come off as if it was supposed to be a real deep mocking, more just a casual joke. I think she thought she might have sounded offensive, because she immediately followed with "just kidding, you're very masculine."  I wanted to tell her that I preferred the original comment.

[Denise]

... Anyway, my coworker then said jokingly "Oh, I guess that's why your so feminine."  I wasn't really sure how to take it, but wasn't offended as her tone didn't come off as if it was supposed to be a real deep mocking, more just a casual joke. I think she thought she might have sounded offensive, because she immediately followed with "just kidding, you're very masculine."  I wanted to tell her that I preferred the original comment.

She would be one of the first people I would tell.  Remind her of that story and get a laugh.  She probably would be okay with the pending changes.

[CrystalMatthews0426]

I'm not sure, she doesn't come off as the most tolerant of the group. If anything, I would likely tell my assistant manager first, she's a lesbian, she she should be the most accepting.

[Floof]

I was fortunate to be employed only a year and a half ago, at which i was already living full time.. So great that they would take an obviously non-passing trans woman with frankly terrible qualifications, tho I did come comparatively cheap 😀 .

There has been a lot of awkward with visitors tho; sales people, customers, consultants and the like. A lot of them take it really well and just keep rolling like nothings up, but others simply cannot stop stealing glances at me. One guy kept it up for the entirety of a 6 hour meeting -lunch too!-, I could just constantly see by the reflection in the mirror he was looking at me, and would sort of glide his eyes in another direction when I looked back. Dont want to make a fuzz about it tho, I really want and need this job and love how accepting all the others there are.

It also gets awkward when talking to customers on the phone, cus my voice is pretty bad and most cant quite determine if I'm male or female.. One Polish man changed pronouns 5 times in one conversation, eventually I just had to specify for him 🙂 .

[ainsley]

The only awkwardness I experienced at work was after I told HR I was transitioning, they took it upon themselves to call all 10 of the people from my department one at a time and tell them my new name and pronouns and that they were expected to treat the situation professionally.  I only heard about that from my close coworkers.  They never asked me if that was ok, nor told me they were doing that.  I was a little put off by it, tbh.

Also, some guys (I am at IT security girl in Internal Audit) that I worked regularly with in our IT Dept. had some trouble not gendering me correctly, but not because of ill intentions, but because they knew me as a man and just did it by rote.  They always apologized.  That has not happened in years, though.

[RobynD]

I own the business along with a couple investors /. When i came out i had 2 FT employees and 1 PT. Now it is 2 and 2.

Generally, the experience was positive as they always saw me as feminine. One investor is a very religious and a conservative type and that caused some issues and needless conversations. The other one was cool.

Customers and suppliers were a mixed bag, nothing very negative but i did lose some relationships that coincided with coming out, and I tend to believe it was related. The revenue impact was minimal.

[Denise]

...
One guy kept it up for the entirety of a 6 hour meeting -lunch too!-, I could just constantly see by the reflection in the mirror he was looking at me, and would sort of glide his eyes in another direction when I looked back. ...

Interesting.  Before I had figured out what was going on with me I might have done the same as him.  My totally uneducated guess is he's jealous and admires you for what you are doing and wishes he wasn't so.... Chicken s***.

Just guessing from someone who is glad I was not in his shoes for I might have done the same.  I've learned a lot in the last 16 months.

[Floof]

Interesting.  Before I had figured out what was going on with me I might have done the same as him.  My totally uneducated guess is he's jealous and admires you for what you are doing and wishes he wasn't so.... Chicken s***.

Just guessing from someone who is glad I was not in his shoes for I might have done the same.  I've learned a lot in the last 16 months.

Hm.. Thats an interesting way to look at it for sure.. Perhaps, who knows! I wish the looks didn't make me feel so incredibly self conscious though; I feel a desperate need to check my hair, makeup and clothes to see if there could possibly be something other than me being transgender that is attracting such attention.. Never is

Just came from a meeting 20 minutes ago when typing this actually; and of course I got the confused and then intensely curious looks going that lasted for the duration of the meet

[SadieBlake]

Coming out at work was a very simple thing and was more than a year ago, and primarily motivated by needing to document start of RLE.  As I had no plans on passing and had no name or pronouns changes in mind it was a very simple thing, I announced to the group that I'd begun HRT was in transition and considering GCS. I allowed as my appearance would be changing and I wanted people to understand the reason.

The only awkward was a fairly clueless fellow who questioned whether this happens to people my age, simple to answer.

[Kylo]

People wanting to carry heavy stuff for me on principle, when there's no need. People I don't know hitting on me at work always makes me uncomfortable. Couple of times that sort of thing has got nasty and I've been fired before now for not dealing with it like a woman or something. So whenever that happens, I bristle.

I prefer working for myself atm. I've had a lot of problems, from being fired so they could hire someone cheaper, to being fired for threatening a skeevy jerk who was technically attempting sexual assault. Maybe in future it will be different and I will fit in better. Not holding my breath. Lot of scum out there.

[LexiDreamer]

Coming out at work is the single biggest issue holding me back from being full time.

I live and work in a rural part of New York State. I work for county schools in a certain capacity, therefore I have some public exposure and often have to visit school districts and even meet with school superintendents.
One would think, since I work in education, the atmosphere would be more on the liberal and accepting side. The unfortunate truth is, the area I live in is very conservative and the prospect of coming out here terrifies me.

I keep remembering a conversation I had with a post-op trans-woman who told me... "Don't come out at work. It was the single biggest mistake I made in my transition"

My hat is off to all you brave women that have taken this step.

The back and forth role changes are beginning to eat me up.

[Denise]

Coming out at work was a non event for me.  EVERYONE has been great.