Being "stared down"; How do you deal with it?

[Floof]

Thank you all, I really appreciate your kindness and advice. I'm gona have to think about the suggested ways of dealing with them, it seems pretty clear to me that just ignoring them doesn't work; it's how I usually deal with staring and comments but I've never been.. is harassed too strong a word?.. for such a length of time before. ..I'm only ever brave enough to talk back to people when I am a little drunk .

The teenage mob is a powerful weapon .

You are all the absolute best <3

[Nina_Ottawa]

First two years living full time, I swear everyone stared at me. I had a little ritual whereby I'd sit in my car before, say a short "Lord, give me strength," then get out and go into the grocery store.
By year three, no one stared, everyone smiled. Ladies came up out of the blue to say they liked my boots, or they loved the pink highlights in my hair.
Had I done anything different from year 2 to year 3? Nope. I think it was pure paranoia on my part.

[Cindy]

First two years living full time, I swear everyone stared at me. I had a little ritual whereby I'd sit in my car before, say a short "Lord, give me strength," then get out and go into the grocery store.
By year three, no one stared, everyone smiled. Ladies came up out of the blue to say they liked my boots, or they loved the pink highlights in my hair.
Had I done anything different from year 2 to year 3? Nope. I think it was pure paranoia on my part.

So true!

Now I'm involved in the talks. "Hi how are you, nice (whatever)" me "Lovely. How is the baby, grandparent, next door neighbour etc". It just becomes normal.

If some punks harassed me now I think I'd have the entire store of people putting them in their place - the trash can


Don't fall into booze Hon.

Be strong and go out today and buy something pretty. Maybe get your nails done?

Nothing is as empowering as getting your nails done!

[MissGendered]

Nothing is as empowering as getting your nails done!

Amen, sista!! 

Missy

[MissGendered]

Now smile, practice in front of the mirror a nice big smile. When you go out keep that smile on your face all of the time. You will notice that other women will automatically smile back at you. Some will give a little nod and a smile. This is what women do to each other, it is recognition of a nice safe person.

Cindy

Yessss!!!! Nothing disarms and de-escalates like a smile. And you should be smiling, you are a fabulous woman living an authentic, genuine life. This is your birthright, to be happy, and to broadcast your joy everywhere you go. People pick up on this, and reflect it back on you.

Much love and hugs, Miss Floofy!!

Missy

[audreytn]

If they're girls, I just put my fingers to my mouth and wag my tongue between them like I want to go down on them.

If they're boys I pucker my lips and blow kisses at them.

thats usually enough to disgust them and they go away or cease bothering me.

But being mostly passable, I dont run into this too often.

[Amy1988]

Hi Everyone,

So I just came from the mall and I gotta vent a bit. Was getting advice and trying on makeup with the lady in a specialist store -who was very kind and helpful btw, she gave me great advice- which I was pretty nervous about doing so not feeling super confident.. And a couple teenage girls were staring and/or stealing glances at me and giggling the whole time.. Finished buying makeup and was gona stop by some other stores, but the girls kept hanging around some distance behind me and after about 20 minutes of it I just couldn't take it anymore!

So I left. I went to my car and I drove home, I'm too conflict shy to tell them off and I don't even know what I would say if I wasnt. Usually I just ignore these things until they pass, but I have never been pursued in such a manner.. I'm sure someone else has had to deal with people like this, how did you handle it? I got really stressed and panicky and didn't know what to do with myself, I just wanted to get away. What should I have done?

Was I wearing too much makeup?.. http://i.imgur.com/JRERtc5.jpg

Thank you all for your insight <3

No one ever notices me thank God. I guess got lucky in the passing part.  Thank God!

[maksim]

A lot of the stares come from other guys for me, and girls in the restroom when there's nowhere else to go (family restrooms, etc).
It's a feeling I didn't miss when I spent that year from 17-18 living as female again.
Like a few of the people on here have said, it's probably just major paranoia, but I do catch people staring. It's definitely spiked my hyper-awareness of my surroundings. I suppose it's just one of those things that pre-everything trans people that don't pass well just have to deal with.
Another reason I'm excited to be starting HRT soon.

Either way, the way I deal is by ignoring all of it. It makes me feel really small and powerless, but I just haven't built my confidence up enough to be able to confront people or even just smile. I know an important part of passing is being confident, but when you've spent your entire life feeling inferior and being taught that you're inferior, it takes a bit more than just "chin up, buddy" to change things.

[Floof]

Either way, the way I deal is by ignoring all of it. It makes me feel really small and powerless, but I just haven't built my confidence up enough to be able to confront people or even just smile. I know an important part of passing is being confident, but when you've spent your entire life feeling inferior and being taught that you're inferior, it takes a bit more than just "chin up, buddy" to change things.

I feel exactly the same way.. I've spent my entire life hiding away and feeling ashamed of myself, turning that around is proving incredibly difficult! I'm still like some vampire sneaking around in the shadows and fading away whenever someone looks my way. I'm not brave or confrontational so I just pull my scarf further up to obscure my face and try to escape the situation

[SonadoraXVX]

When its teens and young adults, usually their inexperienced in life and to see a person different, or that their curious about, they hang around, to see. Sort of like spotting a unicorn, your never going to see that again. Older people in their 40's and beyond, we just go "eh", seen that, read that before. Sometimes with younger people and stalkers, you have to call the cops/authorities, to put a stop to them, because usually my experience people like that are like a pack of excited hyenas, they get more intrigued if you pay attention to them, and if you show fear, or anger, then, they really want your attention.

Used to happen to me in my 20's, now in my late 40's, nah, or I just don't care. My girlfriend does get oogled from time to time, and I have to escort/do errands with her at times.

[Lynne]

Floof, judging by your latest avatar, it's hard to believe that anyone would see anything else than a young woman when they look at you.

[Floof]

Floof, judging by your latest avatar, it's hard to believe that anyone would see anything else than a young woman when they look at you.

Ahw thanks

I guess I'll have to consider other factors that are tipping them off then.. Besides my voice which is still very obvious and by far the biggest obstacle between me and passing. I still see a lot of things in my face that are so obviously male and that I very much dislike, but I also fear that what I see is not what others see.

[Lynne]

Ahw thanks

I guess I'll have to consider other factors that are tipping them off then.. Besides my voice which is still very obvious and by far the biggest obstacle between me and passing. I still see a lot of things in my face that are so obviously male and that I very much dislike, but I also fear that what I see is not what others see.

From that angle you look like you could be the sister of my colleague and nobody thinks that she is a man.

Voice is my number one problem as well, it can basically ruin everything if I'm not very careful and it's really hard work to master that.
Until maybe 10 years ago I was sure that I have so many traits that make me ugly and manly and that I look so bad that nobody would ever find me attractive, especially me. Most of the time I couldn't even look in the mirror and I hated all things that could record a picture of me. But as it turned out, I'm too hard on myself after the years and years of bullying and while I'm very far from perfect, others don't judge my looks so hardly. Nowadays there are moments when I'm almost pleased with my looks despite all the things I would change.

I tried so hard to be a man to fulfill the role society gave me that I basically tried to control every movement and every word all the time so that they would make me look like more of a man. I had this "filter" on everything I did and said for so long that it was really hard to lose it completely and just be myself in a natural way. While I think that I still have some work to do in this regard it helped a lot with passing over the years that my behavior became a lot more natural and not so controlled.