Advice for someone who's questioning?

[ProbablyOliver]

Hi!

I'm not really sure how to start this, so I guess we'll just dive in: I'm 27, and have struggled with a lot of body dysphoria and feelings of "otherness," for lack of a better term, for a really long time and have recently begun to consider that my biological sex (female) doesn't match the gender I actually am. It's a thought I've only recently allowed myself to look at dead-on and, frankly, I have no idea what to do with it. I know there isn't a checklist for this sort of thing, but I was hoping that some of y'all who have been through/are going through the same thing might be able to offer up some guidance or advice?

I'm already seeking out a therapist to help talk through some of it and try to figure it out but I'm not really sure what to do beyond that. It's really overwhelming to consider but at the same time I have a pretty good feeling that I don't identify as female at all, and that a lot of the depression/anxiety issues I've dealt with stem from trying to fit myself to that mold, but I'm not really sure what to do about it, practically speaking. Any suggestions or advice would be really, greatly appreciated.

(If I've gotten any verbiage wrong, or put this in the wrong place, my sincerest apologies. Just let me know and I will correct accordingly.)

Thank you!

- O

[SailorMars1994]

Good on ya for seeking help. I am an mtf and much like you have felt the same things for quite some time. Sounds like you are trans to me if that is of any releif. But your journey isnt mine or up to me. Have you expressed youself as more male like? Maybe do a short hair cut, dress more male or even androgynous? These steps while small will be helpful in your road to self discovery. I wish you all the luck and when you can inbox me. Hope i helped in someway <3 -Ashley

[ImSomething]

I like your syntax!

Welcome aboard. Hope your stay here, however short or long it may be, is helpful in your journey to figure yourself out.

My advice would be to work on eliminating that bias of "I have to be cis, I have to be cis..." and try to get a feel for what just makes you happy. If you can find what gives you that giddy feeling, what makes you look forward to life, that's probably where you ought to be going. Don't do what a lot of us have done and continue to struggle with by knowingly denying yourself happiness because of internalized transphobia for one reason or another. It sounds like you're making good progress in figuring things out, though.

Much luck be to you!

[Amanda_Combs]

I have to second what Sailormars said very much!  I have been rocking the long hair, nail polish, and eye makeup look for a while.  Everyone still reads it as totally male; but it makes me feel like a lady, which makes me very happy! [emoji4]

[Jacqueline]

Welcome aboard Oliver.

It's a scary thing to do what you  are doing. It is a tough journey we take. I think the therapist idea is the best first step. It may take a little bit to break through to the source of your issues. You are on your way.

The only correction I would make is not for me. Some prefer the term "natal" rather than biological or chromosomal. I wouldn't bother editing it though. I think we all know what you mean.

I want to move this topic to our introductions category. I think you may have more traffic there. Hope you don't mind.

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Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Janes Groove]

for a really long time and have recently begun to consider that my biological sex (female) doesn't match the gender I actually am. It's a thought I've only recently allowed myself to look at dead-on

Welcome to the club Oliver.  I don't have any advice but I just wanted to write a short note congratulating you on this. It's pretty huge, I think.  It always makes me happy when someone arrives at this level of personal honesty.

[ProbablyOliver]

Have you expressed youself as more male like? Maybe do a short hair cut, dress more male or even androgynous?

Hi Ashley!

Thank you for the warm welcome and the advice! I've had short hair for years and years - buzzed it before and everything - and tend to keep it that way. I also almost exclusively wear men's tops - there's a running joke at the office that most of the compliments I've gotten on my clothes are from women who just bought the same shirt for their sons - which is great, because that means I've already started trying some of this stuff and I clearly am headed in the right direction! Haha. I'll try to embrace it more and lean in a little harder, see how it goes.

Thank you again - it's really reaffirming to hear other people say that they've felt the same way about some of the stuff I mentioned.

- Oliver

[TomTuttle]

Hey Oliver,

I'm a new female assigned person questioning too. Nice to meet you!

Tom

[ProbablyOliver]

I like your syntax!

Thank you! For the warm welcome and the compliment! ;P

My advice would be to work on eliminating that bias of "I have to be cis, I have to be cis..." and try to get a feel for what just makes you happy. If you can find what gives you that giddy feeling, what makes you look forward to life, that's probably where you ought to be going.

This is great advice, and a great way of putting it. I'm sure it's going to take awhile to shake that knee-jerk reaction, but I'm going to do my best! If it doesn't feel right after that, I guess I'll have my answer, but if it does, well, that's great!

Thanks again!

- Oliver

[SailorMars1994]

Hi Ashley!

Thank you for the warm welcome and the advice! I've had short hair for years and years - buzzed it before and everything - and tend to keep it that way. I also almost exclusively wear men's tops - there's a running joke at the office that most of the compliments I've gotten on my clothes are from women who just bought the same shirt for their sons - which is great, because that means I've already started trying some of this stuff and I clearly am headed in the right direction! Haha. I'll try to embrace it more and lean in a little harder, see how it goes.

Thank you again - it's really reaffirming to hear other people say that they've felt the same way about some of the stuff I mentioned.

- Oliver

Ahh, already a step and a few more ahead of me , niceness! Glad to hear you have been taking these steps. You seems to have a a pretty good grasp on this, and seeing as you are in care of a counsellor i hope that you are able to come to terms with who you are sooner then later. After presenting and such maybe see if testosterone is also right for you. I know in my personal case that estrogen is next to godess-ness for me . Remember too, trans is a spectrum. But yes, you should explore further <3

huggles- Ashley

[ProbablyOliver]

I have to second what Sailormars said very much!  I have been rocking the long hair, nail polish, and eye makeup look for a while.  Everyone still reads it as totally male; but it makes me feel like a lady, which makes me very happy! [emoji4]

Awesome!!

And way to go, you! Hopefully rocking the short hair, no makeup look works as well for me, haha. I guess the feeling part is the part that matters most, huh? I'll have to see if there's something else that I can do beyond just hair and no makeup (which has been my modus operandi for years) that really pitches it into the 'dude' camp.

Thanks so much!

- Oliver

[ProbablyOliver]

The only correction I would make is not for me. Some prefer the term "natal" rather than biological or chromosomal. I wouldn't bother editing it though. I think we all know what you mean.

Oops! I will note that going forward!

Thank you so much for the warm welcome, Joanna, and for all of the information! And for moving my post to the introductions board! I'm so sorry I didn't put it there in the first place, I was poking around on mobile when I initially signed up and I guess I didn't do a very good job of investigating. I'll read through all of this, and thank you again!

- Oliver

[ProbablyOliver]

Welcome to the club Oliver.  I don't have any advice but I just wanted to write a short note congratulating you on this. It's pretty huge, I think.  It always makes me happy when someone arrives at this level of personal honesty.

Thank you so much!

I won't lie - I'm really nervous, and kind of scared, but it makes me a little giddy to think about, too, and I'm hoping that's the part of it that wins out over all the rest. I appreciate the welcome!

Thanks again!

- Oliver

[ProbablyOliver]

Hey Oliver,

I'm a new female assigned person questioning too. Nice to meet you!

Tom

Hi Tom!

It's nice to meet you, too! I'm not really sure what all this entails yet or what really to do, but it's super nice to meet another person (well, a bunch of other people really, haha) who's going through the same thing.

Thanks for stopping to say hi!

- Oliver

[ProbablyOliver]

Ahh, already a step and a few more ahead of me , niceness! Glad to hear you have been taking these steps. You seems to have a a pretty good grasp on this, and seeing as you are in care of a counsellor i hope that you are able to come to terms with who you are sooner then later. After presenting and such maybe see if testosterone is also right for you. I know in my personal case that estrogen is next to godess-ness for me . Remember too, trans is a spectrum. But yes, you should explore further <3

huggles- Ashley

Haha, well, I didn't really consider them steps at all until you mentioned it - they were just things I did because I was more comfortable that way, which is a good thing, I think. I still come across as very feminine even so, so maybe I'll try to push it a little more and see how it feels, per your suggestions.

Thank you again!

- Oliver

[SailorMars1994]

Haha, well, I didn't really consider them steps at all until you mentioned it - they were just things I did because I was more comfortable that way, which is a good thing, I think. I still come across as very feminine even so, so maybe I'll try to push it a little more and see how it feels, per your suggestions.

Thank you again!

- Oliver

Good!, sorry for just chilling on your post and making ya have to converse with lil ol' me , but i do, as we all do want the real you! I will caution you though, transition is hard. You probably will at some point be filled with self doubt, and you may even have to put up with all the self doubt and even nastyness  from other people which can drain you for hours, even days. Make sure you also work on these things to mentally prepare yourself from all this negativity. I didnt, which led to some very very tough times and only now, almost 3 years after coming out am i getting stronger call out people. To transition one needs to be strong, very strong. But then again, you could have  alot of close people (as i did and many others) who want the best for you! and you could be the very opposite of being buried in self doubts and shames. All i will sya is, unless you are in a transition or die part of your life , take things slow. Play around with who you are, get a better picture. And most of all be you!! But from what i can read, i see some sort of a man FWIW.

Anyway, im getting sleepy so time for bed!! nightys - Ashley

[V M]

Hi Oliver 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M